Big Bad John

Oh, kids!! Didja watch the video of John Cornyn that they played at the Texas State Republican Convention in Houston? Hi-larious!!! You can watch it at Burnt Orange. Go ahead, kids, watch it. I’ll wait for you.
All done? Well, it seems that Senator Corny (no, that’s not a typo) realizes that it didn’t go over very well, so I thought I would help him out (because you know I am always helpful to the Rethugs, kids) and rewrite it for him. I hope he likes this version! :D
To the tune of Big Bad John, written by Jimmy Dean (Johnny Cash version):

(Screw John)
(Screw John)

He strolls through the Senate, like he owns the place,
A swagger in his step, and a smirk on his face,
Narrow of mind, and flappin’ his lip,
But he’s nasty and stupid, moronic and flip, so screw John.

(Screw John)
(Screw John)
Screw you, John
(Screw John)

Nobody seems to know who made the film ’bout Cornyn,
(As funny as a phonecall at 3 in the mornin’),
If you watch it, be careful, don’t get unhinged,
As he waves to the people while shakin’ his fringe,
Screw John.
If he thinks he looks manly, he must smoke crack,
‘Cause it’s gayer than anything seen in Brokeback,
Did homophobes call for a swift intervention,
When they played it at the Texas State Rethug convention?

Screw John
(Screw John)
(Screw John)
Screw you, John
(Screw John)

Here’s a few things ’bout this pasty-white punk,
Half of what he says’ crap, the other half’s junk,
He thinks he’s cute when he tries to disparage,
Gun control, civil rights, stem cells, gay marriage,
Screw John.
He compared a union ‘tween Hortense and Myrtle,
As equal to one ‘tween a man and box turtle,
Where should parents who want to keep sick kids alive go?
Cornyn don’t care, unless your name’s Schiavo.

Screw John
(Screw John)
(Screw John)
Screw you, John
(Screw John)

John Cornyn won’t tell ya how he tried to hamper,
N’Orleans as things there got damper and damper,
There’s one thing from which, he just can’t scamper–
His well-deserved rep as a Bush rubber-stamper,
Screw John.
Did’ja hear when he said that, if you have a grudge,
He understands takin’ it out on a judge?
Having no civil liberties don’t count, he said,
None of them “matter much after you’re dead.”

Screw John
(Screw John)
(Screw John)
Screw you, John
(Screw John)


My friends in Dallas, San Antone, and old Austin,
To list all his faults would be way too exhaustin’,
Say no to this slick, sanctimonious prick,
For yourself and your country, please make the best choice–that’s Rick!

(Screw John)
(Screw John)
Screw you, John!
(Screw John)

12 Comments

Filed under 2008 election, Chimpy, Civil liberties, Gay rights, George W. Bush, Guns, Homophobia, Homosexuality, humor, John Cornyn, John McKay, Katrina, music parody, parody, politics, Republicans, SCHIP, Senate, snark, Texas, Wordpress Political Blogs

12 responses to “Big Bad John

  1. Should this be funny???

  2. dude,
    do you mean your comment? well, it would have been nice if i had gotten a chuckle about it, but don’t feel bad about it. :D

  3. Got a Grip

    Dude! Should you be a dick?

  4. now, now, gotta. he’s entitled to his opinion. besides, i think he is an impostor. i don’t think he is really the dude. i bet he is just a dude masquerading as the dude.

  5. Got a Grip

    There’s no way that this is THE Dude. I know the Dude, the Dude was a friend of mine, and this guy is not the Dude.

    Consider the context of the questions, nons. I didn’t state that old Dude here is a dick (although I’m fairly certain he must be). It was really more of a philosophical question. As was his question to you.

    So to answer Dude’s question the answer is “Yes”. I suggest Dude get his funny bone checked for malfunction while out on his stroll down Philosophical Lane.

    The answer to my question is, of course, “No”. Dude should NOT be a dick. I can’t predict the likelihood of Dude’s being a dick and when or where he might strike with his dickishness, however. I’m philosophizing, after all, I’m not a mind reader… ;-)

  6. jeb

    Now I don’t want to disparage my native Texan’s but I tell you Nonnie the video makes me ill on several levels. Of course the obvious one is that any sentient being would actually produce such tripe unless it was satirical.

    However, I can tell you it would play well in many parts of the state. There is a large contingent of people there (my Dad for one) who would find that ad appealing.

    Not only that, I’m afraid Mr. Noreiga is going to have trouble because (1) he is from Houston, (2) he is a Democrat and (3) his name. Especially his name. People who only have a peripheral knowledge of what is happening will say “I ain’t votin’ for that guy from Panama. I thought he was still in jail.”

    I hope that I’m proved wrong. There would be few things in life as satisfying as seeing “Big Jerk” packing his things and leaving Washington. However, I grew up there, I know people there. They vote for people like Big Jerk, Phil Gramm, Tom Delay and George Bush.

  7. well okay, gotta, as long as you’re just philosophizing! :wink:

  8. jeb,
    it sounds like corny was somewhat embarrassed by the video. In his own words:
    “My staff convinced me it was a good idea. Maybe I need a new staff.”
    it seems that the polls in texas are on a rollercoaster. noriega was ahead a couple of weeks ago, and now he is behind. well, we haven’t been holding our breath that texas would suddenly turn a bright shade of blue. let’s hope that people there see the light in the next few months. not sure why his being from houston is a minus, but his last name might be counteracted by the fact that he served in afghanistan. plus he was a teacher. that would appeal to women, i would think. let’s just hope for the best and keep our fingers crossed.

  9. nightowl724

    nonnie, nonnie, nonnie…

    YOU ROCK! Even when it’s a cornball ballad…

    This is one of your best parodies, nonnie, for the difficult rhyming you executed while still managing in-line links. Fantastico! Really.

  10. thanks nightowl! :D
    i never exhale when i post a parody song until after you have put a stamp of approval on it. glad you liked it! not sure which was more fun to work on, the pics or the song.

  11. nightowl724

    Indeed. I’m not sure which was more fun to look at, either!

  12. Pingback: Who Ya Gonna Call? « HYSTERICAL RAISINS

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