Mystery Political Science Theater

From The Fix at The Washington Post:

Gov. Mark Sanford (R-S.C.) admitted that he had conducted an extramarital affair with a woman in Argentina who he had gone to visit over the last five days — during which time a massive media story developed over where he was and why.

“I have been unfaithful to my wife . . . I developed a relationship with what started as a dear dear friend,” said Sanford.

:shock: I demand to know which same-sex marriage was responsible for this!


Original DVD cover.

He said that he had met the woman, who he did not name, roughly eight years ago and that it had become romantic within the last year. He visited her three times during the past year, Sanford said, and noted that his wife, Jenny, had been aware of the affair for the past five months.

…snip…

Sanford announced his resignation as chairman of the Republican Governors Association but did not offer any hint of whether he was considering resigning as governor of the Palmetto State. Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour was quickly named as Sanford’s replacement at the RGA.

…snip…

The State newspaper in South Carolina first reported this morning that Sanford had spent the last six days in Argentina not, as his staff had previously said, hiking the Appalachian Trail.

Argentina? You know what this means, kids. Sanford was having an affair with a Latina!! A Latina!! While Tom Tancredo adds Sanford to his official shitlist, other Rethuglicans start a whisper campaign that the Latina in question is Sonia Sotomayor.

By the way, we could have figured out that he was in Argentina by his subtle clothing alterations…

from this…
to this…
Original image.

The gaucho pants should have been a tip-off.

Sanford’s public announcement punctuates a strange and winding series events that caused confusion within the state government and considerable chagrin among the Republican Party, which saw its second potential 2012 candidate in as many weeks brought low by infidelity.

I’ll bet John Ensign is jumping for joy that his escapades are now off the front pages. After all, he was only boinking a white chick!

The problem for Sanford is that he appears to have willfully misled his staff, the lieutenant governor and the people of the state about his whereabouts — signaling that he was likely headed to the Appalachian Trail before hopping on a flight to Argentina. There will almost certainly be some sort of investigation into whether Sanford misused state funds on this trip — remember that he took a state-owned vehicle and parked it at the Columbia airport — that will keep this wound raw for the foreseeable future.

There’s another problem that the media seems to have missed. From The State (6-23-2009):

Neither Sanford’s office nor the State Law Enforcement Division, which provides security for governors, had been able to reach Sanford since he left the mansion Thursday in a black Suburban SUV assigned to his security detail [...]

Catch that? He ditched his security detail. Not only was he having an affair (on Father’s day yet), but think of the example he was setting for kids. No security detail? The governor was having unprotected sex! In other news, Levi Johnston just announced his candidacy for governor of South Carolina.

32 Comments

Filed under humor, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, snark, South Carolina, television, Tom Tancredo, Wordpress Political Blogs

32 responses to “Mystery Political Science Theater

  1. LOL — you crack me up
    see my take on Markiepoo

  2. Friend of the court

    Oh, I used to love watching that show on Saturday morning. Those movies seemed like fine art, compared to the step on a rake stupidity of what passes for Repub leadership. They always feel so sorry for everyone they have hurt. At least he didn’t cry.

    • fotc,
      my son used to watch mst3000 all the time, and he finally got me to watch it. hilarious! stepping on the stupid rake–i love that! :lol: so entertaining when they hit themselves in the face with it. it seems that the rethugs have a new strategery. they no longer trot out the wronged woman when they have their come-to-jesus announcements. for that, they get a little forgiveness from the talking heads. i suspect it was the wronged wives who finally said, you can kiss my ass, i’m not gonna stand there while you make a fool of me publicly! i don’t think any praise should go to those who were doing the nasty.

  3. let’s start taking some wagers on the next next re-thug to go down.

  4. hey, you’re the political wiz here. I was going to wait for you and then hop on board! :-)

  5. Although, I would just love it, love it, love it, if it was our dear friend Sarah! :lol:

  6. Hi Nonnie,

    I had a feeling this might be the subject of tonight’s post.

    These republicans and their wandering wagglers always crack me up. Actually, to be honest, it makes me shake my head when politicians of any stripe get caught up in this nonsense (it’s just more fun with republicans because it’s that much more hypocritical). Anyway, this guy seems like a prize jackass.

    Argentia…errr, I mean…Appalachia.

    Brilliant lad this one.

    Love that his wife says he has “earned a second chance.”

    • oh no! :o have i become that predictable? i just can’t resist a scandal!

      by the way, earning a second chance translates to ‘i wouldn’t pee on him if his leg was on fire.’

  7. jeb

    The cover is hilarious. So is the wandering bad boy of SC.

    • thanks jeb! :)
      i struggled over whether to completely replace the guy on the cover with a naked hiker. after working in it for a while, i decided to leave the gun and tie it in with the captioning. i figured that sc is such a gun-happy state that leaving it in would be appropriate.

  8. jeb

    OK, I’ve given it some thought and (aside from the blatant hypocrisy) decided this was not such a bad thing.

    I mean really, when you think about it, June in sweltering SC with a bunch of whiny Southern Politicians or winter in Argentina with something warm? I say Hasta la Vista baby!

  9. sardonyx

    nonnie, I don’t understand why the gauche pants would have been a tip-off. I mean, he’s a tasteless Republican, so he could be wearing practically anything. Or nothing, depending.

    What’s that? Not gauche, gaucho? Gaucho, gauche, what’s the difference? Ugly is ugly.
    ;-)

    • you really think the gaucho pants are gauche? i think they give marky mark some shape, which he desperately needs. they’re also the most interesting thing about him!

  10. Where to begin????
    How about a little music for the “affair” (pun intended)
    “Don’t cry for me Argentina”~ comes to mind.
    I think he can spin this thing by saying although he likes being Guvnah….. he was considering other political career paths- like *Minister of Foreign Affairs* (pun intended).
    The wifey kicked him out…. although she indicated he could potentially earn his way back.
    I say she tells him he ain’t coming back till *if & when* the AIDS/HIV & STD test results come back negative.
    Meanwhile she may be getting comfort visiting with some high powered divorce attorney, having visions of taking him to the cleaners for everything he’s got.
    Sanford sure has Hallmark beat for creating a memorable Fathers day! His 4 kids probably hate him for his public Hot Latina affair & the steamy e mails. Dad’s photo is probably mounted on the family room Dart board.
    Senior Sanford’s career is, how do you say in America???
    Toast….

    • there will be music tomorrow night, fran. i just got done composing.

      i have a bold prediction. i think jenny is done with marky mark. stick a fork in him, he’s done. now, here’s the good part. remember that she was his campaign manager. on top of that, there are some in south carolina who say she’s really the power behind the throne. i’m wondering if jenny will play the scorned woman card and run for governor.

  11. If it’s an MST3K movie, it’s probably also a Smithee Movie, too, so I checked to see if “Mitchell” has been honored by the Smithees. Sure enough, it has.

    http://www.smitheeawards.com/film_details.cfm?Film_ID=243

    Note that the original film was nominated for Inane Dialog and “Whoops!” I think Sanford qualifies for both those awards as well.

  12. Not sure if Jenny is the power behind the throne, but they say she is the MONEY behind the throne.. and since he is without money, and everyone is now saying he needs to step down, he was planning on being gone for 10 days and it was obvious the “Wise Latina” was his 1st thought, not his wife and boys in his statement yesterday, his heart is south of the Border. lol

    I am with you, I think she is done with him.. I think he is saying his goodbyes to her and the boys now and they are figuring out how to do it publicly.

    As for who is next, lets see, there is always Mittens, but he is so pompous not sure anyone could stand him, and then Hayley Barbour.. Rick “Good Hair” Perry, and you know they are still taking bets on Lindsay coming out of the closet or someone outing him/her.

    • looking at him and listening to him talk, i get the impression that he needs a woman to boss him around and tell him what to do. i think he’s a wuss. the press is trying to paint the missus as the retiring southern belle who has been wronged by this brute, but i’ll bet she’s got a heart of stone and a spine of steel. he embarrassed the crap out of her by declaring his love for his little argetine bimbo in front of the world. i’ll bet she’s the one choreographing what’s going on now. she wants to be the dumper, not the dumpee.

  13. Pingback: The Macaca Awards! Part IV « HYSTERICAL RAISINS

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