While Rethuglican TV pundits try to make Palinade out of the lemons Princess Sarah threw them by resigning the governorship of Alaska, there were others who were most likely celebrating. Yeah, I’m talking about the 2012 presidential hopefuls. Good thing they still have the backroom at Denny’s they were partying in when John Ensign and Sparky Marky Mark Sanford put their political ambitions to bed right after they did the same to their mistresses .
(Reuters) – Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said on Friday she will resign this month and will not run for re-election as governor amid speculation that she will seek the Republican party’s nomination for president in 2012.
Palin was Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s running mate in last year’s election and rallied the party’s conservative base.
Following is a list of Republicans seen as potential candidates for their party’s nomination in 2012.
Original movie poster
Haley I Have a Girl’s Name Barbour:
The governor of Mississippi is seen as a party power broker. He was chairman of the Republican National Committee and last month was named chairman of the Republican Governors Association.
Wowza! Two breaks in one week! He became chairman of the RGA, because Sparky Marky Mark resigned after getting his dinky stinky, and now the 2012 field is narrowed, because Winky 
is up to something hinky!
Willard Mittsie Who Let the Dogs Out Romney:
The former governor of Massachusetts came in second to eventual 2008 Republican nominee McCain.
Tim Little Timmy Pawlenty::
The governor of Minnesota announced last month he would not stand for another term. The decision was seen by some as giving Pawlenty more latitude to pursue a presidential bid.
Little Timmy couldn’t be in the movie, because he’s still pissed off about having to sign the certification that makes Al Franken the official junior senator from Minnesota. Plus, he’s still wringing his hanky over poor, poor Jenny Sanford’s plight.
Bobby Don’t Call Me Kenneth The Exorcist Jindal:
One of the nation’s youngest governors, Louisiana’s 38-year-old chief executive is seen as a rising star in the party and is a favorite of conservatives. A high-profile, televised speech Jindal gave in February was criticized as lackluster.
Lackluster? It was friggin’ hilarious!!
Newt I Was Named After a Fig Cookie Gingrich:
The prominent former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, who is from Georgia, is widely admired by conservatives for his role in helping to end 40 years of Democratic majorities in the House in 1994.
The only thing prominent about Newtie is his big fat gut hanging over his belt!
Mike Chuckleberry Huckabee:
The former governor of Arkansas excited the party’s evangelical base during his run for the Republican nomination in 2008. He now has his own cable TV show.
His own cable TV show and dating Chuck Norris? He’s a shoo-in!
John Who the Fuck Is John Thune Thune:
The Republican senator from South Dakota ranks high with many conservatives.
Sorry, but you can’t win when your last name makes you sound like you have a lisp.
29 Comments
July 5, 2009 at 1:14 am
After all of her Palindrones ( catchy phrases that may as well be said backwards for all the sense they make) does anyone really believe she’s acting out of some sort of noblesse oblige more than trying to get offstage before the feds nail her smack in the face with a Wasilla cream pie ?
July 5, 2009 at 2:15 am
my second post on princess was called palin-drone. who could have imagined she’d be an even bigger buffoon than we thought she was back then?
she does nothing for anyone else’s benefit. everything she does is to aggrandize and/or enrich herself.
July 5, 2009 at 2:13 am
She is a mess. The 8 year old kept fidgiting and looking up at papa Todd, as though she were asking, “WTF???”
July 5, 2009 at 2:24 am
that little non-press conference perfect would have been absolutely perfect if only the geese honking above had dropped a load on princess while she was babbling.
i think i have a solution. the jacksons should go on tour and bring michael’s coffin with them. princess can go with then and be in charge of keeping the coffin dust-free. she can make believe all the cheering, crying, and ecstatic screams are all for her. while she’s on tour, joe jackson can stay in wasilla and take care of her kids.
July 5, 2009 at 5:49 pm
The eight year old Piper, was probably thinking– Why the hell do *I* always get stuck holding the baby? Helllllooooo Dad! You are just standing there doing nothing…. when will it be YOUR turn??
July 5, 2009 at 9:04 pm
i didn’t see the baby. i thought the noise was from him, but it turned out to be the geese or ducks or whatever they were. poor little piper had to stand out there in her outfit that was carefully color coordinated with her mother’s. when she started fidgeting, the camera operator panned back to princess’s face. i guess willow was chained up inside, forced to take care of the baby and whipping up another batch of meth. i can’t wait until her kids are old enough to write their mommie dearest book.
July 6, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Piper’s the aunt; it’s her job to hold baby Trig while Grammaw is talking and PeePaw is busy watching her talk.
July 5, 2009 at 3:14 am
joe jackson taking care of the kids? Dang nonnie, that’s above and beyond. Do you think they can sing and dance?
July 5, 2009 at 3:15 am
they will if they know what’s good for them! seriously, i doubt if they’ll even realize their mother is gone. they’ll get just as much warmth from joe as they do from her.
July 5, 2009 at 4:09 am
The A-hole Team. The funny thing will be watching them start tearing each other apart after the 2010 mid-terms as they all begin jockeying for position. Getcha popcorn!
July 5, 2009 at 4:28 am
and i bet not one of them will be left standing once the smoke clears.
July 5, 2009 at 4:38 am
Well, her attorney is now threatening to sue everyone for talking about her and saying she might be in trouble, someone who is supposed to be with the FBI has now issued a statement saying there is no investigation, and she has gone missing.
All in all a rather uneventful couple of days…lol What next, one might ask…lol
July 5, 2009 at 5:13 am
I have a balsa gavel to give to Princess Sarah’s mouthpiece should he file.
July 5, 2009 at 6:03 am
you’d think an attorney would understand what princess apparently doesn’t–when you make yourself a public figure, don’t be surprised that you’re fair game as far as speculation goes. i wonder if van flein (her mouthpiece) would take the case if obama wanted to sue princess for defamation for saying he pals around with terrorists. she sure can dish it out, but she can’t take it.
July 6, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Obviously her attorney never bothered to learn about the First Amendment.
Maybe he attended the “University” of Idaho with Palin.
July 7, 2009 at 12:22 am
maybe he went to regent university law school with monica goodling!
July 5, 2009 at 6:04 am
today was the biggest shocker. she kept her mouth shut for the most part. she went to watch a parade in juneau and stayed on the sidelines. most people didn’t even realize she was there.
July 5, 2009 at 6:17 am
Hey you left out an important player– Joe the Plumber! His name’s not Joe & he’s not a licensed plumber….
but hey if he’s skilled at clearing out things full of shit, the GOP can use a guy with talents like him!
July 5, 2009 at 6:32 am
there’s not a plunger big enough!
July 5, 2009 at 10:15 am
Princess Sarah save the USA – that is her new mantra. This woman is everything that is wrong with American politics – stupid, self-aggrandized, egotistical, idiotic, and tone deaf.
i thought she would go away – she wont – she loves the adoration too much, she is Eva Peron in a moose skin.
July 5, 2009 at 10:40 am
not only everything that’s wrong with american politics, but everything that’s wrong with american culture in general. we no longer value real talent or intelligence. instead, it’s only important that you “look the part.” everything else will be taken care of by handlers. they’ll make up a biography and have people to enhance your voice, your words, or whatever else is necessary for the particular situation.
July 5, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Gag me…..
After staying out of the public eye for most of Saturday, a day after abruptly announcing she would soon give up her job as governor, Palin indicated on a social networking site that she would take on a larger, national role, citing a “higher calling” to unite the country along conservative lines.
“I am now looking ahead and how we can advance this country together with our values of less government intervention, greater energy independence, stronger national security, and much-needed fiscal restraint,” the former Republican vice presidential candidate wrote in a posting on her Facebook page. Palin’s spokeswoman, Meghan Stapleton, confirmed Palin wrote the entry.
Ms. Palin loves her Face…book!
July 5, 2009 at 8:49 pm
for how long? after all, this is not the first time she’s quit. she was the chairman of the alaska oil and gas conservation commission, and she quit before she even served one year. she needs to be called quitter at every opportunity. when the going gets tough, princess walks.
July 5, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Well so much for the *COUNTRY FIRST*…. and *REAL AMERICANS* campaign.
On to the *SCREW THE COUNTRY* & *FAKE AMERICANS* campaign.
They better keep a close watch n what things she might sign off on in the next 2 weeks….. she might sell Alaska to the highest bidder!
July 5, 2009 at 8:50 pm
she’s always been on a *sarah first* campaign. it’s unbelievable to me that people can’t see right through her. she has no depth, no intelligence, and no allegiance to anyone other than herself. when has she ever done anything to help anyone other than herself?
July 5, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Sarah…Palin? Palin who?
July 5, 2009 at 9:06 pm
perhaps you know her by her nickname–quitter.
July 6, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Quitter?
Hey, only dead fish stop swimming midstream and go with the flow like a really good point guard who dribbles up the court then knows when to turn coach and take herself out of the game by passing to the biggest salmon on the back porch, where you can see Russia.
(Man, that Alaskan weed must be stronger than any of us thought)
July 7, 2009 at 12:23 am
thanks, zippy! i was confused by princess’ speech, but you’ve now made it clear! hell yeah!!