Back in January of last year, I wrote a diary over at the Big Orange with suggested hairstyles for whackadoodle (I mean, allegedly whackadoodle) Illinois ex-governor, Rod Blagojevich. I wanted to make sure he made a good impression on the jury. Yesterday, we talked about Carly Fiorina and her remark about Barbara Boxer’s hairdo being “so yesterday.” Now, we know that Carly’s hair is growing out after undergoing treatment for breast cancer, so I thought we would try to help her pick out a new style, if for no other reason than to show how bipartisan my advice is.
Here’s the first suggestion. Marge Simpson is a stay-at-home mother of three. I think that would sell well with the Tea Party base and evangelicals.
Then again, perhaps you’d like something that reflects more of your personality and philosophy. Being a Rethuglican, I’ll bet you don’t care much about feeding the poor or making sure everyone has the same stellar health care you received. Therefore, I suggest the Marie Antoinette. Instead of one of the big poofy wigs she wore, I thought this more casual style would remind the Teabaggers that you’re just like them.
You know, Carly, everything old is new again, so don’t worry too much about looking “too yesterday.” After all, nobody could rock a hairstyle like Wilma Flintstone. (Get it? Rock a hairstyle! The Flintstones and rock! )
Or perhaps you’re going for the youth vote, like those whippersnapper Young Guns. Of course, the average age of those spring chickens (apologies to Sue Lowden) is 49+ years old, but I bet some of them have seen Shirley Temple movies.
The classics may be a good look for you, Carly. Elsa Lanchester made horror look good as the Bride of Frankenstein. In addition, Elsa was married to actor Charles Laughton, who was known to be gay, even though they were married for over 30 years. Just think how that will play with the Larry Craig/Mitch Yertle McConnell set and their beards!
You know, your frenemy Meg Whitman has a style that I’m sure nobody except every living hairstylist on the planet would call “so yesterday.”
Hey wait! I’ve got it! Go for the Princess Sarah Palin look. Just make sure you don’t forget the halo.