The Saga of Bristol and Levi

Since Bristol Palin decided to shake her derriere on Dancing With the Stars, she and her mother can’t bellyache about her being a private person and, therefore, immune from scrutiny. I thought we’d take a look at the love story that was Bristol and Levi Johnston. It begins, I suppose, with what the two were doing right under the noses of Princess Sarah and Toddy, Fundy Christian Abstinence-only Parents of the Year…

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Well, we know what happened after that…

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Hopefully, Brisket’s flooziness won’t rub off on Willow and Piper. At first, everything seemed great…

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The big day eventually came, and little Tripp was born…

As with any other unwed teenage mother, Brisket was immediately making the rounds of the morning talk-shows after being signed by Candies to be their abstinence spokesperson. Some people, like Meghan McCain, were not too pleased, and Levi, who was now the ex-boyfriend, declared that the whole abstinence-only crap won’t work. How scary is it when Levi is the smart one?

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After Princess Sarah quit the governorship of Alaska, Levi pointed out that she did so in order to make money. That’s when the proverbial shit really hit the proverbial fan. Levi became the target of Princess Sarah’s rage…

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Then Levi talked to Vanity Fair, and dared to point out that Princess is a phony! Yowza!

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Well, you know the rest of the story. Levi posed nekkid for Playgirl, Brisket and Levi got back together, broke up again, and Brisket went on Dancing With the Stars and got bigger and bigger with each episode. She started hanging around with The Situation from Jersey Shore

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So what next for this pair of 20-year-olds? Well, Levi is still the target of Princess Sarah’s wrath, and he’s running for her old job as mayor of Wasilla. They already had at least one idiot in that office, why not another? As for Bristol, who has no detectable personality or sense of humor and who has never done or said anything important or intelligent? Well, let’s just put it this way–only in America!

43 Comments

Filed under Alaska, humor, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Scandals, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

43 responses to “The Saga of Bristol and Levi

  1. jean-philippe

    Cooking supper I was imagining Bristol becoming the next octomom with 8 different fathers saying to the news: “I need to step down as an abstinence spokeperson”.

    The face of Levi on the Ex is priceless… :D

  2. Jim Nieman

    You dirt bags simply cannot leave the Palin family alone. That family has more carisma and American faithfulness than any of you liberal media trying to destroy a whole family, apparently of your jealous reasoning. I can assure you now, she has more experience in government than the president, dictator, and would make a far better president than this present dictator!

    • jeb

      “That family has more carisma and American faithfulness than any of you liberal media…”

      Hmmm, but as far as I know none of us dirt bags ever joined the Alaskan Independence Party which advocates secession from the Federal Government. Is that an example of that family’s “American faithfulness?”

    • ahhhm jim nieman, i had a feeling yesterday that the welcome i gave you might be short-lived. if you are going to call me or anyone here a dirtbag, i insist that you at least use spell-check. carisma? i don’t know what that means. did you mean charisma (or is carisma the newest bullshit name princess sarah made up for her next child or grandchild?).

      i won’t argue with you, because your brain has appeared to be addled by faux news, rush limbaugh, kool-aid, or some combination of the three. however, because i’m not feeling well today and am a bit pissy, let me just say that you’re an imbecile. if you comment here again, i will not respond to you. i have better things to do than argue with idiots. i doubt anyone else here is anxious to read anything else you have to say, so i would advise you to find a place where your opinions will be appreciated. maybe glenn blechhh will have another rally, or you could go to a princess sarah book signin’–you betcha!

      • Sara

        thank you. you speak for me as well. when I saw Brisket made over $345,000 for pretending to dance, it was a WTF moment.

        • what a great lesson for all teenage girls out there, huh? if you want to get famous fast, either get knocked up (multiple babies preferred) or screw everyone, but be careful (the jersey shore story). forget about working hard, studying, and doing things for other people. be selfish, answer every urge, and you, too, can make a living being on reality shows.

    • Friend of the court

      STFU

      • oh, fotc, now you’ll get ol’ jim all confoozled. he’s sounding that out, and he’s wondering what stuhfew means. maybe it’s a synonym for carisma. :wink:

        • Friend of the court

          sorry nonnie, i know you like to maintain a higher level of discourse here but, this guy caught me on a crabby day. guess i let the dirt out of the bag.

          • silly fotc, you never have to apologize to me! you didn’t say anything wrong. i’ve been in a pissy mood anyway, so if you want to get really crabby, now is the time! :wink:

    • kaylaspop

      Seems you got a tad lost on your last surf trip Jim. How the heck did you ever show up here? Please recalibrate your GPS unit.

    • Everybody else sufficiently pantsed JN, but I gotta speak to the whole “you liberal media” thing.

      In short, since when are folks publicly cracking wise about the doofus du jour “media” of any kind, let alone “liberal media”? I mean, cranky comment-trolls aside, I think Palin herself believes this too. In her mind, there’s no difference between a photojournalist in Dubai, and, say, F*ckYouPenguin.

      It’s a puzzlement.

  3. These are great! Love ‘em all. :lol:

  4. GreenApples

    You really outdid yourself with this one nonnie. You got the whole story nailed with pics. Palins in a nutshell!

  5. Pingback: Tweets that mention The Saga of Bristol and Levi | HYSTERICAL RAISINS -- Topsy.com

  6. I have nothing to say that Next TV in Taiwan doesn’t say better–in Mandarin.

    http://www.youtube.com/user/NMAWorldEdition#p/u/15/LYQLD0Kpmsk

  7. Let’s see if the embed works.

  8. Ohhh I think it is the other way around… the Palin family simply cannot leave US alone.
    I mean really, that freaking name is in the headlines just about every day…
    books, the dancing disaster, suing Levi, on again off again romance… Palin’s mug saying she could beat Obama.
    We had to put up with her down home persona in the last presidential debates (that was grueling) and now she’s indicating she’ll run for prez in 2012.
    Oh for hell’s sake…. she does not care what she;s in the spotlight for, just as long as she is in the spotlight.
    I liked the Wasilla hillbilles version you posted. Pregnant Bristol May, Granny Sarah & Levi @ the wheel– and all them thar’ bags of designer clothin’.
    I wish she & them would give us a frickin’ break.

    Her latest offering is saying we are friends & support North Korea.
    I’m sure she can relate to the madness of Kim Young Il…. crazy minds think alike.

    • it used to be said that any publicity is good publicity. margaret cho said that brisket didn’t want to do dancing with the stars, but her mother forced her to. princess thought brisket’s pregnancy was what lost the election for capt u and princess. :roll: anyone who thinks she’s a decent mother should take a closer look.

  9. That Tiawan video is the funniest thing..thanx NV! Word from Mudflats says #2 daughter got busted with a bunch of her hoodlum friends for breaking into a guys house, being intoxicated, and doing serious vandalism, like Twig and his school bus spree that landed him in the army instead of the penitentery. The only thing that sets the palins apart is they live in a slightly better trailer park. (not my joke)

    • their slightly better trailer is not without controversy either. i still hope they do an investigation of the building materials used in building her house and those that were left over from that sports complex she put wasilla into hock for when she had it built.

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