What happens in Vegas…

…will probably be just as stupid as what happened in all the other cities the Rethuglicans have had a debate.

Original DVD cover

I didn’t watch the debate. In fact, it might still be going on. However, I’m going to go out on a limb and make some predictions.

Mitt Romney will make excuses for Wall Street while saying he wrings his pure silk handkerchiefs over the plight of poor and middle-class people. Oh, and banks should speed up the foreclosure process to kick those poor and middle-class people out of their homes.

Herman Cain will repeat 9-9-9 at least 999 times and insist, whenever it is skewered by the other imbeciles (and it will be), that they are imbeciles and don’t understand the nuances of the plan. How could they understand when he doesn’t understand it himself? Or maybe he’ll just say that there is no 9-9-9 plan, and he was just joking.

Rick Perry will babble incoherently and look like he thinks he left the water running in the bathtub.

Michele Bachmann will make shit up.

Rick Santorum will blame whatever problem is mentioned as the result of gay people wanting to get married.

Newt Gingrich will be angry.

Ron Paul will be stroking his eyebrows to make sure they stayed on.

Jon Huntsman will jump up and down and set his hair on fire, and still nobody will realize that he’s there.

Anderson Cooper will be pissed off that he wasn’t allowed to wear a tight T-shirt to show off his guns while simultaneously try to act like he’s not embarrassed that he’s employed by CNN.

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27 Comments

Filed under CNN, humor, Mitt Romney, movies, Newt Gingrich, parody, politics, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

27 responses to “What happens in Vegas…

  1. sorry so late, kids. didn’t get home until almost 8, and i hadn’t seen the news or picked out a movie. i listened to the radio in the car, and they mentioned that the rethuglican debate would be in vegas, so i at least knew what i wanted to focus on. luckily, i found a movie pretty quickly, and it spoke to me. (don’t ask what it said)

    now i’m going to eat my healthy choice dinner. i’m starving.

  2. jay

    The sexual tension between Romney and Perry is getting pretty high…

    • i finally saw a clip of that. i think mittsie is jealous of gov little ricky goodhair’s hairline. mittsie’s been getting a little thin on top and increasingly gray.

  3. John Erickson

    Did I hear right, that the conference center where they held the debate had a porn Hall Of Fame either visiting or set up somewhere on site?
    How perfect that would be, these yahoos crying about traditional values from the same building as a porno centre! :D
    I debated watching, but my head hurt too much, so I put on some classical music and unburied my Inbox. MUCH better use of my time!

    • i hadn’t heard about that, but hasn’t every vegas hotel hosted a porn convention at one time or another?

      • elizabeth3hersh

        Since I live on the Strip, I should know the answer (but, I don’t). This reminds me though of the limo driver I saw recently at McCarran airport holding up a name sign that read “Lou Porn.” Only in Vegas.

        • originally, i was going to say to john that i didn’t know about porn conventions in vegas and that he should ask you, because you would know. then i realized how that sounded, and i thought better of it. :wink:

          • elizabeth3hersh

            Lol nonnie!! I don’t even ‘see’ the porn anymore. My daughters will comment about it every now and then and I will respond with “what porn?” I still take notice, however, of the ‘Hot Babes Direct to You!’ mobile billboards mounted on trucks with their 696-9696 emblazoned in HUGE gold letters. They are everywhere on the Strip. What a great city!

            • i was only in vegas once. i don’t know if i can imagine actually living there, especially on the strip. i would imagine that it never gets boring. the thing that really surprised me more than anything else when i was there was how cold i was at night and how dry my skin got. i felt like i was wearing sandpaper pants.

  4. elizabeth3hersh

    Jon Huntsman is boycotting the debate here since he felt NV was usurping NH’s position as first national primary. If he isn’t participating, I’m not interested.

    • What Elizabeth said.

      Just the same, the poster would have been even more hilarious if you had switched Romney and Huntsman. That way, you’d have photoshopped one former Obama Adminstration official’s head over another’s (Kal Penn).

      As for the debate, I missed it, too, except for the clip where the audience cheered for Cain doubling down on the condition of the poor and unemployed being their own fault. The GOP base is such a bunch of assholes.

      • i’m at the mercy of what pictures i can find to use. ever try to find a picture of mittsie where he actually has an expression on his face other than one you’d find on a ken doll? it ain’t easy.

        i saw a bit of it. i was astonished by the crowd and what they thought was applause-worthy. i think mittsie shipped people in, because i never heard him get anything but groans before.

    • when i finally saw video of the debate, i wondered where he was.

  5. maggiejean

    LOL. Love the faces being made here.

  6. Willard is calling on a speeding up of home eviction. It seems his moneychanger friends aren’t cashing in quick enough on human misery. Watched the highlights of the MoeFest on Ed. They are really pulling out the most dickish behavior to pull that crowd. Notable today is the mention of the pizza capo to be the VP balance on the ticket. He’s a loudmouth, vile, and beyond reproach, perfectly cocksure. When he gets his new office, I hope he hangs a particular painting behind his desk “just for laughs”, painted from memory by a survivor…a scene of a dark evening, with a guard tower and fence with electrified wire…and a figure of a man dressed in blue and white stripes hanging there, dead, who chose the ultimate step to escape his tormentors…..isn’t it all just a joke Herb?

    • i’m having a hard time trying to decide which of the rethuglican hopefuls is the most despicable. every time i think one of them has won the title, another one says something heartless and stupid. mittsie seems to be well prepared for debates, but he’s awfully stupid when he makes his stump speeches.

  7. Hooray for me as my streak for not watching continues. From what I’ve seen this morning, it seems they were having a good time. I love the wide shot of Romney and Perry arguing with the rest standing there looking bored as they stared toward the audience.

    WHOA … I just noticed Cain’s t-shirt! Meanwhile, what’s that by the Texas flag on the mug?

  8. Wait… these morons are still debating??
    I don’t miss cable one effin’ bit.
    Now I can’t be tempted to scar up my
    cortical overlay with their insanity, anymore.

    But what the hell is Mittens looking at,
    and where are his hands?!?
    Especially his left hand;
    From the look of her,
    I’ll bet Michele knows…

    • omigawsh! i don’t know where mittsie’s hand is, but remember how he makes believe in public that women are grabbing his ass? maybe he wanted to see how a real human reacts when someone does that so he’ll know what face to put on when he makes believe the next time. i think that’s how cyborgs learn.

  9. jeb

    From the accounts I’ve read, it appears they all rolled craps.

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