Catch of the Day

From Alexandra Petri at ComPost at The Washington Post:

No wonder he’s currently riding at the top of the polls. Newt Gingrich has a lot going for him.

For example, he’s not Mitt Romney. And then also, he’s not Herman Cain. Nor is he Rick Perry. Nor, if you Google his last name, does an obscene sexual term come leaping into your mind and scar you forever.

…snip…

Also, when asked questions about places like Libya and Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan-stan, he responds to them, with precision and color, in complete sentences, as though he actually has some knowledge of what he’s talking about.

When you start listing things like this, you get more and more impressed. He has no ranches with racial epithets for names. Sure, there’s the sexual indiscretion, but that was only because he loved his country so much. Can Herman Cain say the same?

goldmember austin powers tiffany bag fat bastardOriginal image

This is one of those blind date scenarios. Hear the description, and he sounds like a real catch. Then he walks into the room, and he’s Newt Gingrich.

Newt Gingrich, one of those 90′s throwbacks that we thought we could shelve next to big hair and financial prosperity. Newt Gingrich, whose book-tour-slash-campaign is broke and kept hemorrhaging advisers. Newt Gingrich, who has been known to spend an amount equivalent to the GDP of small countries at Tiffany’s. Newt Gingrich, the corpulent relic with a surfeit of ideas, the larger-than-life, smirking Big Daddy of the field, whom everyone jokingly favored because they assumed he was just in it for the opportunity to address large crowds of people on television without their yawning and telling him to go back to the 90’s, whence he came. Newt Gingrich, with most of Chris Christie’s avoirdupois, and none of his crowds of people suggesting he get into the race.

True enough.

But other than that, the man’s perfect.

39 Comments

Filed under humor, Mitt Romney, movies, Newt Gingrich, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

39 responses to “Catch of the Day

  1. sorry for a last-minute poster and post, kids. more refrigerator drama, no sleep, and i couldn’t get my computer to turn on. :x had to find a story and a pic in a hurry. back soon. i’m starving!

    • maggiejean

      Well, I was going to say that I love the pic and assumed you took hours choosing it and working on the final product. You could not have picked a more appropriate subject.

  2. My favorite line: Newt Gingrich, one of those 90′s throwbacks that we thought we could shelve next to big hair and financial prosperity. You nailed it!

    • elizabeth3hersh

      Ditto. Nailed it.

    • i didn’t nail it, alexandra petri did. i never read anything by her before, but i like her style.

      interesting tidbit–the font that i used for ‘newt gingrich,’ and for my name is called ‘dick van dyke’ for its resemblance to the font used on the dick van dyke show. i hadn’t noticed the author’s name until after i got done with the poster. dick van dyke’s name on the show was rob petrie. it’s these little things in life that keep me entertained. :)

  3. Newt needs to remain a nostalgic memory of the Bill Clinton years.

    • nostalgic is more descriptive of something that leaves you a bit teary-eyed while longing for the old days. there’s nothing nostalgic about memories of newtie. he’s more like a recurring nightmare that i’d like to never have again.

      • I guess everything about the mid-90′s leaves me teary-eyed ;) I came to the US in 1991 and the Clinton years were, hands down, the best time I ever experienced in this country. The job market, the economy–it was milk and honey, baby.

        • those were the good old days. of course, the rethugs will say that those 8 years were just st ronnie’s policies finally coming to fruition. :roll:

          • I’ve heard that theory before and it boggled my mind. Then, when the economy crashed under W, it was Clinton’s fault. Once again I felt like I’d landed in an upside down world…a feeling I get quite often.

  4. Although my fav line is “the smirking Big Daddy”, wow …. I finally caught you using a real image instead of your own. ;)

  5. Such short memories the GOP bunch has. Remember Gingrich’s entire campaign staff quit & he had campaign t shirts “Made in El Salvador”.
    http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/27/gingrich-campaign-t-shirts-not-made-in-the-usa/

    Not to mention his dumping wives habit & the bling tab issue.

    It’s like he already imploded, but is being regurgitated as not as bad as the other guys?

    Too bad, it would have been fun having Obama debate Cain or Perry!

    • newtie won’t last. i don’t think he really even wants to be president. i think that he’s basically a lazy slob. he just wants to make as much as he can with his shitty movies and books and then spend the day shopping at tiffany’s and then taking vacations to the greek isles. now that he’s up in the polls, he’ll get greater scrutiny and he’ll fall just like the other not-mittsies.

  6. A reporter describing the intoductions at one of these endless debates said of the Grinch (when they play the raslin’ style intro music) that “he waddles”. This whole deal is getting to be like a out-of-stash toker going back through the seeds and stems one more time…maybe just enough….! His current schedule has book signing after book signing event. And let us never forget that all important southern strategy. When he left his wife and kids destitute, it was the local Baptist church that helped them out. Of course, he turned his back on all that for some severe wenching and oral gratification. And now he changed to the Roman church to satisfy #3. That won’t translate into any southern votes, catholics maybe.

    • the fact that newtie is so high in the polls demonstrates the hypocrisy of the party of family values. they’d have no problem voting for an unethical lying cheating lobbyist. the jokes on them, because newtie doesn’t want to be prez, he just wants to be rich.

  7. jeb

    Catch of the day? No, throw him back.

  8. For the life of me I can’t understand why he’d put himself in the running given the amount of crap in his closet. Sure, we all want to know our President is human, but Newt’s not even remotely a human we’d want as the leader of our country. I think France would take him and Italy, too.

    • Elyse

      Newt, human? No, silly. He is an aquatic amphibian! There must be something in the U.S. Constitution that states we have to elect a human. There must be. Isn’t that the lowest bar?

    • in a word, money. that’s all he cares about. his ego allows him to think that he can dismiss all the shit he’s done in the past with a simple denial. it reminds me of when that sack of shit, henry hyde (may he rest in eternal torment) described the affair he had in his 40s as a youthful indiscretion.

  9. Sad commentary that more moderate Republicans aren’t in the running for the presidential election.

  10. Too funny nonnie. If ever an image of someone correctly reflected their personality, you got it. I was going to say something about how this looked like a certain ex in-law as well, but I guess I won’t…

  11. The cover looks great and speaks perfectly to the point you’re trying to make about Newt. By the way, how can you and I make Newt’s “historian’s fee”? We’re in the wrong business, kiddo!

  12. John Erickson

    Nothing about Newtie, but on the Beeb news this morning, the sports guy lost his train of thought for a few seconds, hemmed and hawed, then said to the main presenter “I’m just like an American presidential candidate. I lost my train of thought.” Nailed Parry!

  13. At least the text accompanying your Fat Bastard image mentioned Chris Christie. Speaking of which, I’m in New Jersey right now. In fact, I was in Trenton, the state capital, during the day Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and will be there again Thursday and Friday. Most of the day, I’m in a Federal building where I walk past photos of Obama and Biden. I smile and feel like saluting every time I pass them. However, there is no food in the building, so I have to go to a New Jersey state building to each lunch, where Chris Christie’s photo smiles down on the occupants. I don’t smile back.

    • while i was making the poster, i was thinking to myself that neon vincent is going to be mad at me, because i was going to save it for a moby christie spoof. please forgive me, neon vincent! i was so exhausted and under pressure. :cry:

      what are you doing in new joisey? does it still smell as bad as i remember?

      • Trenton doesn’t smell that bad, at least, not as bad as Newark, Bayonne, and The Meadowlands. That written, the best way to find New Jersey from Michigan is to go east until you smell it and then south until you step in it.

        • that sounds about right. i can still remember how it smelled up there when we would drive through when we went from new yawk to floriduhhh to visit my grandparents. the smell back then was from pollution. now, i think it’s the leftover stench from christie todd whitman.

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