Hey, kids, are you sitting down? I have some bad news. We are out of bullets. Well, when I say we, I mean our first line of defense here in the homeland–the police. The Washington Post has the scoop:
Troops training for and fighting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are firing more than 1 billion bullets a year, contributing to ammunition shortages hitting police departments nationwide and preventing some officers from training with the weapons they carry on patrol.
One police department is considering a novel solution:
In Indianapolis, police spokesman Lt. Jeff Duhamell said the department has enough ammunition for now, but is considering using paint balls during a two-week training course, during which recruits fire normally fire about 1,000 rounds each.[sic]
Hold on there!! Paint balls? You can’t substitute paint balls for bullets!! Haven’t they considered what that will do to our society? What about the macho image? Who are we gonna scare if the evil doers know that all they need to fight us is a can of turpentine? Even worse, what about our popular culture? Consider the following:
Edward G. Robinson and George Raft were tough guys in the movies. In fact, George Raft was rumored to be a gangster in real life. He was good friends with Bugsy Siegel. In 1930, Edward G. Robinson won acclaim for his portrayal of a gangster in Little Caesar. Can you imagine how different the future of American films would have been if Raft and Robinson had been forced to make movies like this in 1955?
Original DVD cover.
Audie Murphy was a war hero. However, would he have achieved the popularity that he did if this was what the studios were churning out in 1959?
Original DVD cover.
Would there have been a Mississippi Burning or an Unforgiven for Gene Hackman or a Murphy Brown for Candice Bergen had they been chewing on spherical gelatin capsules containing primarily polyethylene glycol, other non-toxic and water-soluble substances, and dye in 1975?
Do you love John Cusack? Me, too! However, would we love him as much as we do now, had this bit of fluff come down the pike in 1993?
So, you see what I mean. Whad’ya mean you don’t see what I mean? My point is that this country needs more bullets!! Without bullets, our entire culture is a lie, make-believe. Now that I think about it, I guess that movies really are just make-believe, figments of individuals’ imaginations. Of course, under the
Cheney Chimpy Bush Administration and the gut of Michael Chertoff, that is exactly what homeland security is, too.