WASHINGTON (AFP) β€” Alberto Gonzales spent much of 2007 fighting in vain his ouster as US attorney general, but that has earned him a consolation prize: a top law magazine named him on Wednesday its “Lawyer of the Year.”

I’ll wait until you stop laughing.

Original DVD cover.

Okay, kids, did you clean up all that apple juice you just spit all over your computer screen? Good, let’s continue…

US President George W. Bush’s longtime personal legal council and, from February 2005 to September 2007, the nation’s top justice official, Gonzales was the year’s legal headliner, according to ABA Journal, the magazine of the American Bar Association.

But that was, according to ABA Journal editor Edward Adams, mainly due to his central role in scandals over the Bush administration’s secret warrantless wiretap program, its legal justifications for rough interrogation of “war on terror” detainees that critics said permitted torture, and an alleged effort to fire at least eight US attorneys for political reasons.


[…]after Gonzales appeared veracity-challenged when testifying before the Senate Judiciary Committee, he resigned in August,” it said, referring to hearings into the US attorneys firing scandal.

The magazine also cited Gonzales’s role as White House counsel and then attorney general in “what now appears to have been a stealth campaign to reinstate pre-Watergate presidential authority.”

They talked about the infamous hospital visit to sickie, then-Attorney General John Ashcroft, to get approval for wiretapping, which resulted in:

“…Ashcroft’s wife sticking her tongue out at Gonzales and his entourage as they retreated from Ashcroft’s bedside.”

“We selected the Lawyer of the Year based on who was the most newsworthy lawyer,” Adams told AFP, refusing to assess what Gonzales’ impact was. “Clearly he was influential, there can be no doubt about that.”

And now, the runners-up:

[…] David Addington, a top aide of Vice President Dick Cheney who is also credited in the drive to increase the president’s executive powers.


A Gonzales assistant deeply involved in the sacked prosecutors scandal, Monica Goodling, also earned a runner-up nod for her “overly zealous and questionably legal actions” that led to her resignation and then Gonzales’s.

Woohoo!! Monica’s back!!

Other runners-up included both Cheney aide Lewis “Scooter” Libby and Patrick Fitzgerald, who prosecuted Libby for perjury in the case over the outing of a CIA agent.

Howard Stern, the colorful lawyer and lover of the late Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith, and “Michael Clayton,” the George Clooney-starring movie about a washed-up attorney who does the right thing, were also runners-up.

They have already named next year’s winner, the present Attorney General, Michael “Waterboard” Mukasey. Thanks to Chimpy & Company, it seems that lawyers no longer have to pass the bar, they have to lower it.


Filed under Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General, Chimpy, David Addington, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Gonzogate, GWOT, humor, John Ashcroft, Justice Department, Michael Mukasey, Monica Goodling, movies, parody, Patrick Fitzgerald, politics, Scandals, Scooter Libby, Senate Judiciary Committee, snark, Torture, waterboarding, White House scandals, Wiretaps, Wordpress Political Blogs

20 responses to “Attorney-at-Flaw

  1. Got a Grip

    Poor Gonzo has had to wear that wig ever since he had dinner at the White House….

    I can never look at Gonzo without think of John Dean’s quote about him – “I actually feel sorry for Gonzalez, who I suspect would have made a good real estate attorney in Texas”……

  2. Got a Grip

    Damn it, nonnie, I tried to put a url in to my photobucket account of Gonzo’s dinner at the White House, and it didn’t work. Let me try again…..

  3. nonnie9999

    hope you don’t mind that i tiny-urled the link (i am tiny url’s best customer today πŸ˜€ )
    gonzo has to wear the wig so that people stop jumping up in front of him, wearing orange and waving signs. i don’t feel sorry for the little piece of shit at all. he was greedy and didn’t give a shit about anyone except himself. he still doesn’t.

  4. Got a Grip

    Thanks for fixing the url, nons. You’ll have to show me how to do that one day, it really makes things so much handier.

    I agree, Gonzo is a worthless piece of shit, a tool of the worst order. May he spend many a miserable day in prison for his evil someday.

  5. nonnie9999

    there is no trick to it, gotta. just go here:

    (i think it speaks well of them that their url is so….tiny! πŸ™‚ )
    then, just copy the superlong url into the box, hit the button, and then copy the tiny url that it makes for you.
    i have the tiny url site bookmarked. it comes in very handy.

  6. Friend of the court

    Now that AG is “attorney of the year”, maybe, Britiny Spears has a shot at “mother of the year”.

  7. Got a Grip

    Thanks, nons!!! I’ve got it bookmarked now, too, so hopefully I can remember to stop posting a book-sized URL whenever I need to link to something.

  8. Got a Grip

    fotc, I have no doubt that Britney will be named mother of the year. Let’s just hope she’s wearing underwear and or something that covers her private parts when she accepts the award….

  9. nonnie9999

    and paris hilton can be intellectual of the year…oops! i think chimpy has that one sewn up. michael vick can be the aspca man of the year.
    keep going, kids……..

  10. OT: how does a guy email da proprietor of this here joint? I like the ambience, the presentation’s good, the foodlets cause a fair amount of droolin’, but I’d like ta talk quietly about the server.


  11. Friend of the court

    Ted Stevens will be named Humanitarian of the Year and Bill O’ will still be the worst person in the world.

  12. nonnie9999

    larry craig will win mr. congeniality. it’s in the bag!

  13. nonnie9999

    glad you like the ambience, et al. i just emailed you (and i did it quietly).

  14. nightowl724

    nonnie, there’s a rumble at yesterday’s post! Could you let my comment to TRM out of the hatch?

  15. nightowl724

    nonnie, I am forwarding my dry cleaning bill to you in Monday’s mail. I expect you to send me a reimbursement ASAP. All I saw was your post title and Gonzo’s pic before my apple juice was projected rapidly – and not thru the orifice with which I spit at Chimpy’s face, either! You, with hilarity aforethought recklessly endangered my personal clothing and various household items. As you are well aware, this is a first degree comedy offense. And, please, can we keep the attorneys out of this affair from this point forward? Thank you.

  16. nonnie9999

    i meant to change the bottom blurb to “memorable” performance, but by the time i realized i had forgotten, i had already saved the damned thing. oh well, for once in his life, al fredo can be brilliant.

  17. nightowl724

    Well, raisin, I read “brilliant” as sarcasm and I found it “hysterical!”

    gotta, loved your graphic!

    Kevin, I just bookmarked your site.

    Oh, amd nonnie – thanks for releasing my comment. I hope gotta sees it, as well as TRM.

  18. nightowl724

    “amd?” I wish WordPress had comment preview. Sigh.

  19. Got a Grip

    I just saw your comment, nightowl. Bravo, I say, bravo…. πŸ™‚

  20. nightowl724

    Thank you – and, kudos for yours, too!