WASHINGTON (AFP) — Alberto Gonzales spent much of 2007 fighting in vain his ouster as US attorney general, but that has earned him a consolation prize: a top law magazine named him on Wednesday its “Lawyer of the Year.”
I’ll wait until you stop laughing.
Original DVD cover.
Okay, kids, did you clean up all that apple juice you just spit all over your computer screen? Good, let’s continue…
US President George W. Bush’s longtime personal legal council and, from February 2005 to September 2007, the nation’s top justice official, Gonzales was the year’s legal headliner, according to ABA Journal, the magazine of the American Bar Association.
But that was, according to ABA Journal editor Edward Adams, mainly due to his central role in scandals over the Bush administration’s secret warrantless wiretap program, its legal justifications for rough interrogation of “war on terror” detainees that critics said permitted torture, and an alleged effort to fire at least eight US attorneys for political reasons.
[…]after Gonzales appeared veracity-challenged when testifying before the Senate Judiciary Committee, he resigned in August,” it said, referring to hearings into the US attorneys firing scandal.
The magazine also cited Gonzales’s role as White House counsel and then attorney general in “what now appears to have been a stealth campaign to reinstate pre-Watergate presidential authority.”
They talked about the infamous hospital visit to sickie, then-Attorney General John Ashcroft, to get approval for wiretapping, which resulted in:
“…Ashcroft’s wife sticking her tongue out at Gonzales and his entourage as they retreated from Ashcroft’s bedside.”
“We selected the Lawyer of the Year based on who was the most newsworthy lawyer,” Adams told AFP, refusing to assess what Gonzales’ impact was. “Clearly he was influential, there can be no doubt about that.”
And now, the runners-up:
[…] David Addington, a top aide of Vice President Dick Cheney who is also credited in the drive to increase the president’s executive powers.
A Gonzales assistant deeply involved in the sacked prosecutors scandal, Monica Goodling, also earned a runner-up nod for her “overly zealous and questionably legal actions” that led to her resignation and then Gonzales’s.
Woohoo!! Monica’s back!!
Other runners-up included both Cheney aide Lewis “Scooter” Libby and Patrick Fitzgerald, who prosecuted Libby for perjury in the case over the outing of a CIA agent.
Howard Stern, the colorful lawyer and lover of the late Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith, and “Michael Clayton,” the George Clooney-starring movie about a washed-up attorney who does the right thing, were also runners-up.
They have already named next year’s winner, the present Attorney General, Michael “Waterboard” Mukasey. Thanks to Chimpy & Company, it seems that lawyers no longer have to pass the bar, they have to lower it.