Let’s Get Vertical

Okay, I promise, this is the last Chuckleberry poster (unless I change my mind).

Original DVD cover.
Now, Chuck, you put Scabby down this instant!! You’re making him all horizontal!!

Didja hear, kids? The new buzzword is vertical! Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo noticed something strange on Scabby McHuckleberry’s website and had this to say:

Can anyone explain what the hell that means? Vertical? I guess if you’re main opponent was Fred Thompson you might push the fact that you spend most of your time standing up. But seriously, is there something I’m missing here? Or is this the weirdest campaign I’ve ever heard?

As it turns out, vertical is a buzzword for the fundies out there. Did you know that Scabby even had a Vertical Day? Click on the link to see videos and Scabby’s blog.
There are Vertical Habits, complete with a vertical vocabulary:

Vertical Habits: Worship and Our Faith Vocabulary

Faithful speech is central to the Christian life. God is not just interested in having us contemplate or appease him. God is interested in the dynamics of life together, shaped by good communication. Just as words form our habits in relationships with other people, the words of worship can form the habits of our relationship with God and the way we live out our faith. Consider these eight parallels:
Relational Words / Worship Words

I love You. / Praise
I’m sorry. / Confession
Why? / Lament
I’m listening. / Illumination
Help. / Petition
Thank you. / Thanksgiving
What can I do? / Service
Bless you. / Blessing

There’s Vertical Music:

β€œThe idea of surrendering is really important to me right now. Living a life that is completely committed to God and His purpose. Complete and total surrender. That is a big theme for me.”

So says critically acclaimed musician/worship leader Lincoln Brewster when discussing the inspiration behind his August 2005 recording, All to You… Live, on Vertical Music.

There is Horizontal Christianity, but apparently, Vertical Christianity is way better:

Horizontal Christianity is, for some, more difficult than Vertical Christianity because they are stuck in difficult relationships. You don’t need to be a victim, but neither should you reduce yourself to the level of a difficult person. As Christians, concentrate on how to engage and forgive the way our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would engage and forgive…

I wonder if there is anything in between, like Diagonal Christianity. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what the hell Vertical Christianity is. All I know is that the old Olivia Newton-John song, Let’s Get Physical, keeps running through my head with a slightly different lyric:

Let’s get vertical, vertical,
I wanna get vertical, let’s get into vertical,
It’s some funky fundy talk,
It’s fundy talk, let me hear some fundy talk!

Dammit, I hate that song, and now it won’t stop!
So, kids, the next time you are listening to Scabby McHuckleberry, keep your decoder ring handy!

Original movie poster.


Filed under 2008 election, Christianity, humor, Mike Huckabee, movies, parody, politics, religion, Republicans, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

22 responses to “Let’s Get Vertical

  1. LOL! Nice find. I suppose that “vertical” is better than “inverted“, though.

  2. TRM

    Ohhh, nonnie, you really should take that job back at the food shelter… or re-lease that tree in the redwoods…

    I will agree (begrudgingly) that wacko christians scare me almost as much as wacko muslims… at least they don’t strap bombs on their chest…

    really, leave Fred alone, don’t make me come down there and go all right wing on you!

  3. nonnie9999

    hiya chenzhen! πŸ˜€
    it’s not my find. i read about josh marshall’s find at a couple of places, and then i googled my little fingers off to find all those totally vertical websites. 😯
    i’m not so sure that this country is not inverted already, cz. chimpy has turned everything upside-down!

  4. nonnie9999

    trm, where have you been? have your ears been burning? we’ve been talking about you!
    i don’t know what you mean. i’ve been very nice to fred lately. i was quoting josh marshall above. don’t shoot the messenger!

  5. Friend of the court

    Fred made more sense, at the Facebook “debate”, than any of the other Republicans, TRM. If the only choice was between Fred and one of those other guys, I’d still, write in my ficus plant.

  6. nightowl724

    Perhaps “vertical” isn’t a code word for Evangelical Christians in quite the way we think…

    According to Thesaurus.com:

    Main Entry: vertical
    Part of Speech: adjective
    Definition: upright
    Synonyms: bolt upright, cocked, erect

    “Half-cocked” is more what I’d call them…

    Maybe they need some “Incarcerex,” which is probably covered under their health plan:

  7. nightowl724


    Oh, that Vertigo spoof! You are too much!

    I imagine you could keep bucking Huck ‘n’ Chuck* forever, but then you’d have to ignore the rest of the Rethug clowns and we can’t have that, can we?

    Fresno ’08! I have three lottery tickets owed to me…

    * But, please, not in front of the children!

  8. TRM

    well between skull and bones meetings and all the whale harpoonings I have been pretty busy…
    what have you little lib’s been saying, I have vwahys of making you talk!

  9. TRM


    “TRM. If the only choice was between Fred and one of those other guys, I’d still, write in my ficus plant.”

    and I would promptly relieve my schlitz bloated kidneys into it… πŸ™‚

  10. Got a Grip

    nonnie, I made a call to my fundie dad to ask him about the use of “Vertical” in modern fundie nomenclature. He actually hooted at me, he was laughing so hard. Apparently he’s amused by the current trend to adopt buzz words as a substitute for actually practicing what they preach. I haven’t had that much fun on the phone with my dad in years…. πŸ™‚

  11. Got a Grip

    TRM, you just keep your “vwahys” away from my nonnie or I’ll kick your ass the old-fashioned, old lady way. And the same goes for your Schlitz-fouled kidneys and fotc’s ficus.

    Schlitz. Holy cow. You lost brownie points on that one, TRM….. πŸ˜‰

  12. nonnie9999

    how do you tell the difference between grampa fred and the ficus? they both don’t move, and grampa fred has that greenish tinge around the gills.

    chuckabee is the new larry craig. i’m having way too much fun!

    first you want us to shut up and go away, and now you want us to talk?
    do they still make schlitz or have you been hoarding it in your garage since the 60’s?

    so nice to hear that i could instigate a good phone call between you and your dad. it does my heart good that even your fundie dad recognizes the ridiculousness of what passes for christianity these days. i just watched jesus camp the other day, and, lemme tell ya, it scared the living shit out of me!!

  13. Friend of the court

    TRM, if you plan to pee in the ficus pot, you better do it before it wins the Republican nomination. The Secret Service might frown on that sort of thing.

  14. Got a Grip

    Well, I thank you nons, for giving my dad and I a good laugh. My dad is a very intelligent yet plain-spoken man, and he doesn’t like the frilly crap that he sees on his religious programming. He likes to go to all the fundie churches in his area and tell them where they’ve all gone wrong. As you might expect, they just love that. But he’s a religious scholar, has taught himself Greek so he can see it in the original form, and he has a real take-no-prisoners attitude with what he sees as revisionist bullshit. I don’t agree with him on much, but I do admire his sticking to his principles in the face of opposition.

    And I must apologize for ranting about religion in education yesterday, as I see the current push toward teaching the Bible in schools as the highest form of religious hypocrisy. But that, too, led me to what I think is a good decision in helping my youngest and his wife work through some of the marital difficulties they’ve encountered of late. So once again, I have to thank you for making me think, and for being my friend and putting up with my personal brand of bullshit. You’re the best, without question….

  15. nonnie9999

    the ironic thing is that the plant, whether pissed upon or not, is smarter than the current resident of the white house.

    there is no need for apologies. you didn’t say anything wrong. i have no idea how it all connects to your son and d-i-l, but let me state uncategorically:

  16. TRM

    The Schlitz usage was just symbolic of what I am sure you all think I do all day, drink schlitz in my trailer park and beat my wife… that’s what you think conservatives do right?

    I don’t drink schlitz, live in a trailer or beat my wife, unless she ask nice πŸ™‚

    you better check your plant, I snuck in last night and left my “residue”…. your couch may warrant inspection as well…

    and Gotta anytime honey, anytime,… strap your fanny pack on and drive your golf cart on over, we’ll take it to the street!!!

    Seriously, I don’t want religion in my children’s schools either, that is for them to learn at home…

    Now if you will excuse me, I need to go find me a Global Warming idiot and let loose on ’em…

  17. Great stuff:

    Actually I’m hoping the Huckster a/k/a Gomer Pyle gets the GOP nomination. The debates against the dems would be priceless. We would all learn how to get vertical and the White House would be blue.

    Actually Huckabee was asked about the vertical thing and here’s his response:
    “American voters are tired of horizontal politics, left wing, right wing, liberal, conservative, they want an up and down Washington”

    Ok that sounds like evangelical code to me. Because only they can understand that.

    WTF up and down D.C.,… Mitch McConnell hates that up and down thing Reid keep trying.

    I like horizontal politics, I do my best thinking that way. Please don’t make me vertical.

  18. nonnie9999

    hi nyt!! πŸ˜€
    i think any of the rethugs debating against any of the dems would be fun, but i think the most fun would be grampa fred. that’s because he thinks diagonally (aligned with the angle of the back of his la-z-boy).

  19. TRM

    What did I tell you about Fred nonnie? 😦

  20. nonnie9999

    what, trm? i just endorsed him! how much nicer can i be? πŸ˜€

  21. TRM

    oh,,,, just checkin,,,,, I’m watching you… πŸ™‚

  22. nonnie9999

    that’s why i just closed my drapes, trm. πŸ˜›

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