The War on the Ground(hog)

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) – America’s most famous groundhog emerged from his burrow early on Saturday and declared that winter will last another six weeks.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow shortly before 7:30 a.m. to the cheers of more than 30,000 people from as far away as Alaska and Texas, one of the largest crowds in the 122-year history of the event in the central Pennsylvania town of Punxsutawney.

Original DVD cover.
But wait! Trouble lurks!


Canada’s two foremost weather predictors said on Saturday that we’re in for an early spring. But their U.S. cousin saw his shadow and headed back into his burrow to hunker down for another six more weeks of winter.

Canada’s first rodent of winter predictions, Shubenacadie Sam from Nova Scotia, emerged from his pen Saturday at 7 a.m. ET to the sound of bagpipes and a town crier but no shadow, just rain and a crowd of around 50 people who began to celebrate the coming spring.


Because of Nova Scotia’s time zone, Sam made the first groundhog prediction in Canada.

But by 8 a.m. ET fellow Canadian groundhog Wiarton Willie of Ontario came out and on failing to see his shadow confirmed his compatriots prediction of an early spring.

With Punxsutawney Phil at odds with Shubenacadie Sam and Wiarton Willie, tensions mounted, and statesmen on both sides of the border called for negotiations so that differences could be worked out. Reaction in the states was mixed. Some sided with the Canadians, including members of the military. From The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Georgia’s own General Beauregard Lee at 7:58 a.m. today stubbornly emerged from his Lilburn abode but didn’t see his shadow, leading the more than 250 people who witnessed the event to expect an early spring.

The Republicans in Congress immediately introduced a bill that would change the name of Canadian bacon to Freedom bacon in the cafeterias. Crawford Chimpy was yanked from his bubble ass burrow by Dick Cheney, saw his shadow, was frightened by it, and called for Canada to be bombed immediately.


Filed under Chimpy, Congress, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Georgia, Harry Reid, humor, movies, Nancy Pelosi, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

29 responses to “The War on the Ground(hog)

  1. TRM

    Foot stomp and eye poke to nonnie for making fun of our Commander in Chief.

    Long live Cheney!


    There was an unfortunate incident detailed over at D=S today regarding groundhogs…

  2. nonnie9999

    you don’t want to hurt me, trm. i protect you from the others over here. and, besides, i’m nice. 😀

  3. Friend of the court

    Hey there, now TRM. You don’t want to jump bad at our nonnie. That has been known to cause pattern baldness and ringing in the ears. Word to the wise.

  4. Friend of the court

    Love the Chimpy in the tree, looking like a big nut that some, not too particular chimpmonk, stashed away for winter.

  5. nonnie9999

    trm won’t hurt me. if he did, where would he spend his time? he has too much fun over here.
    did you notice that all the rodents have alliterative names? Punxsutawney Phil, Shubenacadie Sam, Wiarton Willie, and now Crawford Chimpy. of course, in the last case, Shameful Shithead would have worked as well!

  6. Friend of the court

    I did notice that. Groundhog Day is my favorite holiday. I didn’t know that they celebrated it in Canada. I hope that it doesn’t become too comercialized.

  7. Got a Grip

    I love groundhog day! That’s a holiday I can really get behind.

    I think Crawford Chimpy should take his toys there and go back in his hole so we can kick some shit in it, tamp it down really tight, and go home.

    TRM, you harm one hair on nonnie’s lovely head and you’ll have me to answer to. And it won’t be pretty. nonnie’s nice but me, not so much…. }:(

  8. nightowl724

    Well. all I can say is Canada had just better WATCH HER STEP!

    Carlson and Coulter take on Canada

    Ann Coulter, Canada, and Vietnam

    Pelosi and Reid are why we are still living Groundhog Day in America after we thought we had bought tickets to a different show in October of ’06 . From Day One, they have done precious little to stop Bushco, starting with “impeachment is off the table.” Day after day, the same Bush-shit over and over and over…

    nonnie… great work! Spot-on sentiments, perfect execution, brilliant creativeness…

  9. nonnie9999

    i think we should have more holidays devoted to animals. a puppy day, a kitten day, a moose day.
    after we kick shit in the hole, can we stuff it with something so chimpy can’t get out? maybe with cheney? 🙂

    i was originally going to make the text portion of the diary about how it has been the same shit over and over again these past 7 years, but then i figured i would just have fun with the subject matter.

    now, please excuse me, i am thirsty, and i think i will have a nice cold glass of Freedom Dry ginger ale. 😀

  10. Got a Grip

    Oh, by all means, stuff that hole with Cheney. Then let’s pour in some industrial concrete and maybe some molten steel or something. Let’s get that sucker plugged tight…..

  11. I am totally down for Shameful Shithead being left in a spiderhole.

  12. nonnie9999

    faboo!! 😀
    i think we need to stick with alliteration, so how about if we leave Shameful Shithead in a Shithole instead? we can throw some spiders in after him!

  13. nonnie9999

    just for the sake of irony, let’s get cement manufactured by halliburton or one of its subsidiaries!

  14. nightowl724

    Can we put Coulter and Carlson in there, too? They alliterate with each other.

  15. nonnie9999

    💡 oooh, good idea, nightowl! i can think of another couple of C words that would go well with those 2!

  16. nightowl724

    That’s what I like best about you, nonnie… You’re naughty, but nice! 🙂

  17. TRM

    You all seem to forget that no amount of molten steel or concrete can withstand a Cheney attack…

    and gotta grip any time you want to step outside and fight let me know,,,, I have brand new wife beater picked out just for the event…. my kung fu is strong!!!

  18. I hope seeing hs shadow doesn’t mean six more weeks of blubbering idiocy.

  19. in2thefray

    You realize the premise of the movie was the guy keeps experiencing the same day ? You may have just endorsed either a GOP president or a midterm retaking of Congress by the GOP.I also like how Pelosi and Reid are clearly reliving the day they went along with everything. That applies to all the days of their lives though. That last bit is pure gold for you nonnie if you choose to go after those 2 idiots that help make up a pretty bad trio.

  20. coulter carlon cheney and CARVILLE
    that would be an interesting foursome stuck in a hole for eternity

  21. Got a Grip

    TRM, the only thing that would survive the molten steel from Cheney would be that futuristic microchip that passes for his heart. Otherwise, he’s toast.

    And if you want to don your wife beater and meet me out back , let’s go for it. I’m a Red Dragon girl myself. I may not win in the end, but you can bet I’ll hurt you. Not planning on having any more children are you? And of course, I mean that in the nicest way — — — > 🙂

  22. nonnie9999

    this maladministration doesn’t do anything day-by-day. we all know that they work in freidman units. we also know that nothing depends on seeing a shadow or anything else (like facts). they make up whatever is necessary along the way.

  23. nonnie9999

    in a previous comment to nightowl, i explained that i chose to more or less ignore the premise of the movie and take it in a more fun direction. the image speaks for itself. i am just as unhappy as everyone else with pelosi and reid. however, i am not endorsing a rethug resurgence in congress by any means. i would endorse replacing pelosi as speaker and reid as leader though. not sure who i would pick as speaker, but for senate leader, i would definitely pick chris dodd. with all that said, i wouldn’t be bragging about the rubberstamp rethug majority you had before 2006 or the idiots who couldn’t get their minds off a blow job (undoubtedly because they had to pay for theirs if they could get one at all) while they bathed in their own hypocrisy.

  24. nonnie9999

    i made a booboo before when i said that crawford chimpy was an alliteration. the hard c is not alliterative with the ch. howevah, we can put chimpy with cheney and chambliss, and carville, coulter, carlson (which is a twofer, don’t forget grampa fred’s old flame, margaret), will go nicely with coleman, coburn, collins, corker, cornyn, craig, and crapo in the senate! 😀 of course, candy crowley, while a crowd all by herself goes well with the pundit group. and don’t forget the evil mr. kristol! maybe we should have a separate subset for the names starting with the cr sound.
    this is fun!

  25. TRM

    Never mind Gotta,, I don’t wanna fight anymore..
    I am gonna wear the shirt today though 🙂

  26. nightowl724

    dcAp… coulter carlson cheney and CARVILLE I like to see that!

    nonnie… Rethugs bathe? Who knew? Most of them still smell like shit.

    gotta, I love it when you’re “nice.” 🙂

    fotc, chimpnuts are mah-velous with beer.

    TRM, what does your better half think about your shiny new wife beater?

  27. TRM

    I don’t know, I am geographically seperated for work. Were she here, she would definately ask me to “break it in”

    KIDDING!!! 🙂

  28. Got a Grip

    TRM, I’m so glad you don’t want to fight anymore. It really could prove to be embarrassing to have a middle-aged, eight time grandma beat the crap out of you. How would you explain it to your rethug friends? The horror, ohhhh, the horror!! 😉

    I bet you look love in your shiny new wife beater, though. Nothing says “hot” like a man wearing underwear like my grandpa used to wear….

  29. TRM

    Yes, embarassing…

    I get even sexier when I drip red sauce on it at dinner…