PAC Rats

From Mother Jones:

At the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), where a speech by Vice President Dick Cheney on Thursday was greeted with chants of “four more years,” John McCain was in enemy territory. Many of the right-wing activists who gathered for the annual event scornfully regard the Arizona senator as a false conservative, one who first opposed President Bush’s tax cuts and who has too often dared to team up with Democrats in Congress to promote legislation that drives conservatives crazy, including campaign finance and immigration reform.

Original DVD cover.

As attendees milled about the Omni Shoreham Hotel in Washington D.C., waiting for speeches by McCain and Mitt Romney, the enthusiasm for the former Massachusetts governor was evident. He was supposed to be the man of the hour. Young men inflated Mitt Romney thunder sticks. Volunteers handed out hundreds of giant foam mitts (get it?). No one realized that the media was reporting that Romney was planning to announce during his speech his departure from the presidential race and that, like it or not, they were about to be stuck with John McCain.

When conservative talk show host Laura Ingraham introduced Romney, she hurled a barb or two at McCain, and the crowd ate it up. “It’s not enough to say you were a foot soldier in the Reagan Revolution,” said Ingraham, referencing one of McCain’s common lines. The real question is, she said, “What have you done for conservatism lately?”

Romney took the stage to a standing ovation and cheers of “We want Mitt!”


And then Romney blindsided his fans. “If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or Obama would win,” he said, as the crowd grew silent. “And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.” As it slowly dawned on the committed Mittens that he was dropping out, jeers and shouts of “No!” rose from the audience. Romney smiled sadly and assured them it was true.


A few hours after Romney disappointed CPAC, a triumphant McCain took the stage. He was greeted by cheers and a few boos. Before Romney had made the day’s news by dropping out, McCain, the frontrunner, had planned to come to the conference to start courting the conservative wing of his party—that is, to counter the anti-McCain crusade that has been mounted by Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin, James Dobson, and other conservative influentials. His mission today was to convince this crowd he is indeed a true conservative. And now, with Romney out, he and the conservatives before him were essentially considering how to make the best of a forced marriage.


The crowd was polite, and only booed loudly when McCain brought up immigration. It helped that McCain repeatedly bashed the Democrats–implicitly making the point that Republicans didn’t have to really like him, they just had to hate the Democrats more.

Will that be Captain Underpants’ new campaign slogan?


Filed under 2008 election, Ann Coulter, Barack Obama, Democrats, Dick Cheney, Hillary Clinton, humor, Immigration, James Dobson, John McCain, Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin, Mitt Romney, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Ronald Reagan, Rush Limbaugh, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

26 responses to “PAC Rats

  1. Conservatives are beginning to amaze me in their inability to see what’s really at stake here. This election is about more than McCain and his inability to follow conservative principals.

    How is handing the whole country over to liberals a suitable alternative to McCain?

    There is a serious difference between McCain and a purebread liberal who is bent on destroying ALL conservative values as well as our country with them.

    Anti McCain commentators such as Rush Limbaugh have ventured the idea that perhaps we should sit this election out and let the Dems have a term in office, claiming it might pave the way for a future shot at a candidate he and others will like in four years.

    Imagine the damage our country will endure if Democrats control all three branches of government for 4 to 8 years.

    This would give liberals what they will treat as a clear sign from America that is it ready to move sharply to the left. Not slightly to the left.

    Cherry picking our candidate is exactly what got us INTO this mess, and if conservatives aren’t careful, they will throw the entire country into a liberal free for all…

    There is no such thing as a quick recovery from 4 years of liberalism unchecked. We may be facing what will take years and years of damage to undo. What’s more, there’s no guarantee that it WILL be undone. Have conservatives completely forgotten Roe v. Wade and other extremely important issues? We need an allie on every core issue we can get.

    Questioning McCain was right and highly useful for a time and a season. Many of us wish we had acted sooner to support Romney or Huck….

    But staying home on election day allows liberals a pass to capture all THREE branches of Government. Do you want your kids growing up in that kind of environment?

    I’m not asking anyone to sacrifice their own belief or convictions, but we have a serious serious problem here, that we can’t afford to fall asleep on.

    Give it some thought, friends.

    Danny Vice

  2. Got a Grip

    I am forever amazed at the gullibility of the rethugs. The Mittster has always been more of a democrat that a rethug, right up until he decided to spend his vast fortune to buy himself a shiny new presidency. But then, it’s not as if they have a stellar selection to choose from, is it?

  3. nonnie9999

    when i watch the rethug side of things, i feel like i am watching some bizarre version of agatha christie’s and then there were none.

  4. nightowl724

    Speaking of bizarre…

    Duo Urges Conservatives to ‘Think Condi’
    Crystal Dueker, a retired 52-year-old from Fargo, N.D., and Rich Holt, a 27-year-old political consultant from Proctorville, Ohio, are the unpaid heads of the 527 group Think Condi, a grassroots movement to get the secretary of state on the presidential ticket as vice president.

    Bolton As McCain’s Secretary Of State?
    Even prior to the speech the possibility of a Bolton cabinet position was being batted around. The introductory speaker, Ken Timmerman, referred to the former UN Ambassador as both a “warrior of light,” and “our next Secretary of State.”

    And, now that Karl Rove and Rock Santorum are on FOX…

    Will the nightmare never end?

  5. nonnie9999

    where have you been? it was your turn to hug trm the other day, and poor fotc had to fill in for you.
    i think the other side is getting desperate. condi has been exposed as completely incompetent. do they really think putting her on the ticket will suddenly make the rethugs the party of inclusion? 😆 and bolton as the secretary of state? he’ll be like rummy on steroids. with a stupid mustache! 😯

  6. Got a Grip

    nightowl!! I’ve missed you!! nonnie’s right, fotc had to hug TRM in your place, and I had to hug him two days in a row when I really wanted to bang him up side the head with a skillet. It was awful, just awful. He’s all hands and hot air, you know.

    Thanks for the email, btw…..

  7. nightowl724

    OK, OK! I’ll hug TRM twice the next time. I don’t want to be accused of not doing my share of the dirty work around here…

    I think the two-for-one (black AND female) Rice idea would backfire on them big time! The party can hardly bear McCain as it is.

  8. TRM

    OOOHHH all these hugs are making me… well,,, anyways,,

    Nonnie I for once am in total agreement with your satire. No true “righty” like’s McCain… I’m writing you in on my ballot…

    Night Owl your allusion that the right couldn’t stand a black female is insulting, it’s not about race or gender, its about ideology, plain and simple…

    I just had a thought… am I the first republican to get to first base with the entire HR crew???!!! :O

    my new home is here, not like you ladies ever came to visit anyways…. keep the hugs comin and remember I am all man, and I may try some “funny business” 🙂

  9. TRM

    @ Danny Vice
    I am pretty far right and to answer your concerns, yes
    I would rather withstand the liberal disease for 4 years just so they can see what a cluster fu*@ they would bring to America then let McCain screw it and give them another scapegoat

  10. Got a Grip

    And what if it turns out that the “liberal disease” is actually the cure, TRM? Would you be man enough to admit it, or would you stick to your guns come hell or high water?

    And don’t kid yourself, there’s a vast segment of the wingnuts that would vote against a McLiebercain/Condi ticket because she’s a woman and she’s black. Go read the Freepers, they’ll tell you. They’re not at all afraid of showing their true misogynistic, race baiting colors….

  11. TRM

    I would be man enough to move to Antarctica…

    and if I had any race baiting colors, I think you would know I would not be scared to show them…


  12. Got a Grip

    I’m not accusing you of being a race baiter, TRM. I believe you when you say that’s not the way you are. I’m saying there’s a whole segment of rightwing nutbags out there that are that way, and they spew their vile hatred every day, all day long.

    No need to move to Antarctica. Stay, you’ll enjoy the refreshing change, I promise. Maybe we’ll even get our Constitution back and the rule of law. That’s worth staying for. Besides, I take you for a tropical island kind of guy, not a frozen tundra trudger. If you’re going to jump ship, buy an island. The Raisinettes might even come visit you there, but you’d still have to keep your hands and…whatever…to yourself…..

  13. Friend of the court

    TRM, I visited your new site. It is sort of ironic, that my monitor shows all the text, etc. to the left, while the frame remains on the right. 😉

  14. Friend of the court

    nonnie, the republicans do seem to need an enemy. Senator McCain looks more like Pop Eye, everyday. With that beard, Bluto might be a terrist. Olive Oyl could be the Statue of Liberty and Spin-ish, from the MSM and other special interests, would pump him up. You could make a picture?

  15. Friend of the court

    Chimpy is Sweetpea and Cheney could be Wimpy. Only, Wimpy would beat you up to get hamburger money and “next Tuesday” would never come.

  16. nonnie9999

    i’ll see what i can whip up! 😀

  17. TRM

    FOTC so something is showing up screwy on the new site?

    Gotta… The raisenettes are always welcome wherever I may hang my hat… DNC membership cards must be burned upon entrance and the mandatory 6 week Haliburton re-education course is required…

  18. And this is why I’m a McCain hater

  19. nonnie9999

    cindy? your last name isn’t mccain, is it? 😆
    not sure why i am laughing. it’s possible! in fact, i wouldn’t be surprised if old roberta started an anti-mccain blog.
    whatever the case, you are welcome here, cindy! as you can tell, this isn’t exactly a john mcliebercain fansite! 😀

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  21. Friend of the court

    Thank you, nonnie! I love the cartoons, you are ‘the Queen’!

  22. Friend of the court

    TRM, it’s probably not your site. My computer is ancient and impaired. And smacking the monitor doesn’t work as well as it used to.

  23. nonnie9999

    i just saw your comment over at the street, fotc.
    mwaahhhhhhh for the idea. i love using the comics!

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