Scotty McChicken Comes Home to Roost

From Politico:

Former White House press secretary Scott McClellan names names in a caustic passage from a forthcoming memoir that accuses President Bush, Karl Rove and Vice President Cheney of being “involved” in his giving the press false information about the CIA leak case.


“I stood at the White house briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the seniormost aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby,” McClellan wrote.

“There was one problem. It was not true.”

Original DVD cover.

“I had unknowingly passed along false information,” McClellan wrote.

“And five of the highest ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice president, the president’s chief of staff and the president himself.”

McClellan says he was in that position because he trusted the president: “The most powerful leader in the world had called upon me to speak on his behalf and help restore credibility he lost amid the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.”


In recent conversations and in his many public speaking engagements, McClellan has made it clear he retains great affection for the president.

Another article at Politico:

Among the most explosive revelations in the 341-page book, titled “What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception” (Public Affairs, $27.95):

• McClellan charges that Bush relied on “propaganda” to sell the war.

• He says the White House press corps was too easy on the administration during the run-up to the war.

• He admits that some of his own assertions from the briefing room podium turned out to be “badly misguided.”

• The longtime Bush loyalist also suggests that two top aides held a secret West Wing meeting to get their story straight about the CIA leak case at a time when federal prosecutors were after them — and McClellan was continuing to defend them despite mounting evidence they had not given him all the facts.

• McClellan asserts that the aides — Karl Rove, the president’s senior adviser, and I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, the vice president’s chief of staff — “had at best misled” him about their role in the disclosure of former CIA operative Valerie Plame’s identity.


“I still like and admire President Bush,” McClellan writes. “But he and his advisers confused the propaganda campaign with the high level of candor and honesty so fundamentally needed to build and then sustain public support during a time of war. … In this regard, he was terribly ill-served by his top advisers, especially those involved directly in national security.”

Oh, Scotty, we all know that you have no balls. If you did, you would have come out much earlier and told the truth. Instead, you waited until everyone already knew the truth. There’s no courage in that. However, when I heard that you spilled your guts, I thought that there was a bit of hope for you, and then I see that you still blame everyone but Chimpy. Who picked those advisers, Scotty? Who decided to listen to them? C’mon, Scotty, man up, and give Chimpy his well-deserved kick in the nuts!

Kids, there are tons of articles about this on the internets, and I could quote from all of them. Instead, though, I thought that I would get a bit nostalgic and include a song that I wrote back in April of 2006:

To the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman)

My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!
My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!

My name is Scott McClellan and my job’s communication,
I tell the press what’s going on, so they can tell the nation,
But let me add this little fact for your clarification–
I’m really just a liar for the Bush administration!

My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!
My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!

I stand behind the lectern, I stutter and perspire,
Members of the press attempt to prove that I’m a liar,
To hell with them, my real job is preaching to the choir,
Republicans don’t seem to care that my pants are on fire!

My job is really easy, it’s like being on vacation,
You see, we think the truth will only lead to mass frustration,
My answer about anything–from war to immigration–
“Sorry, I can’t comment, it’s under investigation!”

My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!
My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!

I know the absence of the truth fills you with dismay,
I hope you understand that it is just a part I play,
I am told each morning what message to convey,
Why, even I, cannot buy, half the $hit I say!

I sidestep every question with my practiced indignation,
If you’re thirsty for the facts, you’ll die of dehydration,
To speak the truth in this White House is grounds for termination,
That’s why no one listens to me, it’s just verbal masturbation!

My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!
My name is Scotty, and oh, how I lie!

I get so frustrated, I shake my tiny fist,
With reporters yelling, “Scotty! The middle class is pissed!”,
As long as we’re in office, the problem will persist,
Hey, people, just get used to being screwed but never kissed!

By now you know that we don’t care about the population,
Halliburton’s profits are our source of celebration,
Here’s a secret, but don’t tell, or earn my consternation,
This country’s in worse shape than Dub-ee-yah’s pronunciation!


And now, kids, I am going to put my feet up, relax, and laugh my ass off while I watch all the Bushies’ heads explode!

Remember to stop over at American Street!


Filed under Chimpy, CIA, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Halliburton, humor, Iraq War, Karl Rove, Media, movies, music parody, parody, politics, Republicans, Scooter Libby, Scott McClellan, snark, Valerie Plame, White House scandals, Wordpress Political Blogs

12 responses to “Scotty McChicken Comes Home to Roost

  1. nightowl724

    Bravo! What a supercaliparody! Perfect rhyme and rhythm, searing message, and non-stop funny!

    Ain’t it amazin’ how Scotty “found his voice” to make big buck$ this election year?

  2. thanks, nightowl! 😀
    i am somewhere between contempt and pity when it comes to scotty-poo. i am sure that money was a big part of writing the book (what is he really qualified to do? what job could he get?), but i think there is something else at work. he is like when you are totally in love with a guy, and all your friends know that he is an a$$hole. of course, you can’t see it, because you are totally head over heels in love. however, something happens, you break up, and you finally admit to yourself that he was not the guy you wanted to believe he was. at that point, you unload all the stuff that you had tucked into the back of your mind that you didn’t want to admit was there, and you and your friends have a good old time ripping the a$$hole apart. well, either like that or like getting out of a cult and allowing yourself to think for yourself.

  3. jlms qkw - jenn

    karl looks so young. scooter looks like hell, which is good.

    w is somewhere in my metro. grrrrrrrr.

  4. jlms qkw - jenn

    how much did the scottster get for his book deal? was it worth the heat he’s taking now? hmmm.

  5. jenn,
    i don’t know how much scotty-poo got for the book, but i am sure it was enough to buy himself a few friends. why would it not have been worth it? he had no true friends in the chimpy maladministration. true friends don’t lie to you, especially when they know you are going to tell the world those lies and then take the heat for it.
    most people don’t pay attention to politics, and he’s just a little weeble, not someone who will attract a lot of attention in a crowd. he will be the talk of the teevee for a couple of days, maybe spring up in the debates in november, and then disappear into the woodwork like so many before him. when he is greeting people at walmart or packing groceries at albertson’s, people won’t even know who he is.

  6. I was listening to the righty pundits going absolutely bonkers over this on the radio. They’re actually more concerned with slamming Scotty than anything that might finally sink in wrt what McClellan says in the book. Kinda scary and entertaining at the same time. Mark Levin actually called him a “munchkin”.

  7. Got a Grip

    I think Scottie didn’t rip Bush a new one because he still holds on to the fantasy of sitting on the porch in Crawford with Commander Codpiece and sipping tea or lemonade or near-beers or doing lines of coke or something. And it might work out. Bush isn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier, so he might just forget about all this between the time he’s retired from running the country and when he finally gets frog-marched into the Hague.

    As to what Scottie might aspire to now, I always remember John Dean saying that he thought Abu Gonzo probably would have made a fair real estate attorney in Texas. Maybe Scottie could be Gonzo’s go-to realtor….

  8. Pingback: McClellan Book Reaction Hilarity Depot Thread « ChenZhen’s Chamber

  9. cz!!!! 😀
    long time, no see! how ya been?
    dont’cha just love watching the righties squirm? they completely miss the irony that they discredit tony snow and little ms dana when they discredit scotty-poo. 😆 if they left one press secretary out of the loop, then why shouldn’t we assume that the others were treated the same way? interesting that they don’t really dispute anything that scotty-poo says; they just call him names and shake their heads.

  10. gotta,
    i swear that there is some serious repressed manlove going on. i think scotty-poo is like a jilted lover. chimpy done him wrong, threw him over for tony snow, and it finally got to poor scotty-poo. like i said to nightowl above, it’s like breaking up with a lousy boyfriend and finally admitting to all the $hitty things he did while you were still dating. 😆

  11. Alfie

    I like how you made the fair and balanced point of Scotty’s lack of cajones and honesty. I also like the idea that the fact that he unknowingly passed info. He did he never told the truth that the Plame leak was Armitage. This guy knows nothing and wrote nothing of value. That’s not right wing squirming either.

  12. alfie,
    i have never pretended to be fair, and anyone who knows me well will testify to the fact that i am quite unbalanced. have you read the book? if not, then how do you know what is or isn’t in it, other than the snippets that have been released? if he knows nothing, then exactly what are the duties of the press secretary in the chimpy white house? the press secretary is supposed to be the person who tells the media, who in turn tells the public, what is going on in the white house. if scotty-poo was out of the loop, then are we to assume that all the information that we did get was just $hit that scotty-poo made up along the way? ❓