Delusional State

LOS ANGELES (AP) — John McCain is starting a California campaign that might already be over.

The Republican presidential candidate opens a handful of political offices this week in the nation’s most populous state, the historical turf of Reagan and Nixon that in recent years has become a Democratic fortress in presidential contests.

The Arizona senator boasts that he can win California’s 55 electoral votes, the biggest prize on Nov. 4, but he’s running as the Republican successor to GOP President George Bush, whose approval rating is at an all-time low in the state.


Original DVD cover.

Now kids, the Associated Press has been a little touchy lately about quoting them, so I will paraphrase the rest of the story for you.

The last Rethug to carry California was Poppy Bush back in 1988. Al Gore and John Kerry won by double digits there in their failed quests for the Presidency. Democratic registration is up, and the Hispanic vote, which may be 20%, leans Democratic. It’s so gloomy for Rethugs that Chimpy didn’t even campaign there.

Captain Underpants’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, says that things could not be worse there for Rethugs. Yet, Davis still thinks Captain U has a chance to get the independent votes there.

This is a group of voters where John McCain has a unique appeal, and where we can make inroads in this historically Democratic state. We need to reach out to independents and disaffected Democrats, because they now represent the largest portion of swing voters and the greatest electoral bloc up for grabs.

Then Davis made pigs fly out of his ass.

Back in the land of reality, Mark DiCamillo of the Field Poll, which tracks the state’s politics said that the chances for Rethugs is “dismal.”

Another problem for Captain U is money. Advertising on TV is expensive, and Cindy Lou and the kids keep maxing out the credit cards. Barack Obama will probably be able to outspend him 2 to 1 nationally.

The campaign offices that are opening today in California are being paid for by the state Rethug Party, not the Captain U campaign. They will act as headquarters for all of the Captain U workers and volunteers (all 3 of them!). There is only one paid staffer in the entire state (hey, Captain U’s mother Roberta needed a supplement to her Social Security!).

The delusional Captain U followers point to Ahnold and say that Captain U shares qualities with him (like what? 2 arms and 2 legs?), and that gives them hope that he can make headway in the state. They cite working across party lines (dating Joe Lieberman?), caring about the environment (on which day?), and a centrist appeal. Howevah, Ahnold supports abortion rights, which Captain U doesn’t (at least today). There is only one other statewide Rethug officeholder, and he supports abortion rights as well.

Campaign adviser, Adam Mendelsohn, donned his rose-colored glasses and said:

While Democrats dominate, we’ve also seen the right Republican can win in California.

Then Mendelsohn put lipstick on the pigs that flew out of Rick Davis’s ass.

11 Comments

Filed under 2008 election, abortion, Al Gore, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barack Obama, California, Chimpy, Democrats, Environment, George H. W. Bush, George W. Bush, humor, Independents, Joe Lieberman, John Kerry, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

11 responses to “Delusional State

  1. nightowl724

    Ha-ha, nonnie! I especially love the fine print on the poster! All this posi-talk from McCain and his staffers. What a crock of you-know-what…

  2. hey nightowl! 😀
    i had to rush this poster out. i usually do them the night before, but i was so wiped out, i could barely see last night. waiting until today wasn’t much better. still tired, and my eyes are so dry that i have to keep using eye drops to be able to see. i really have to make an appt with the eye doctor. i wish i could just drop off my eyeballs and pick them up later. still, this was a fun poster to make.

  3. nightowl724

    Well, it certainly doesn’t look as if you did it in a hurry! But, I did get a spooky vision when I first glanced at it. Just add Dubya’s head and you’d have the “inspiration” for some sort of anti-Rushmore, the Mt. Rushmore from hell…

  4. jeb

    Ha, posterior launched aeronautical swine! This sounds like it has practical military application. Perhaps they can field test them in the central market place in Bagdhad before they go on to conquer California (home of high prices and housing market crunches). We know that the market place is safe because McBush and Liarman told us it is. Remember they strolled casually through there?

    Rest your eyes Nonnie. The computer screen is really bad for them and reading this drivel (my comments) is not worth the strain.

  5. 😆 mt flushmore! not only would it indicate their place in the toilet but would also signify the wasting of water, which reflects the rethug’s attitude towards the environment. of course, it would be at the end of a winding road–like circling the bowl.

  6. jeb,
    i am very angry at the AP. i am the lazy sort, and i would rather cut and paste rather than actually have to read and interpret.
    oy! all we need are pigs in the marketplace in baghdad. haven’t we pissed them off enough already? they would curse us to halal and back.

  7. nightowl724

    Mt. Flushmore! Very funny, nons!

  8. jlms qkw - jenn

    oh nonnie! i miss you 9999 times!

    our condo doesn’t have internet! 😦

    we have a booster antennae on order and should be hooked up again wed or thurs. gagh!

    mccain and obama are both left-handed and both seem to have brown eyes.

    that is apparently statistically abnormal compared to the other 43 presidents. although there has recently been a run of left-handers, w00t!

  9. jenn!!!
    we miss you, too! glad that you arrived safely. don’t worry, we won’t erase anything before you can see it. 🙂
    that’s interesting that they are both left-handed. i didn’t know that capt u is. i had read that obama is. bill clinton is left-handed, isn’t he? chimpy is underhanded! 😉
    hey, i have brown eyes! i think i will run for prez, too! of course, i am right-handed, so my chances may be slim.

  10. jeb

    I myself am a green-eyed lefty. What does that do for my chances?

  11. both eyes or just one, jeb? if it’s both, then i think you are out of luck. of course, your only hope is running as a dem or independent. the only green thing that counts with rethugs is cash. anything else frightens them.