LOS ANGELES (AP) — John McCain is starting a California campaign that might already be over.
The Republican presidential candidate opens a handful of political offices this week in the nation’s most populous state, the historical turf of Reagan and Nixon that in recent years has become a Democratic fortress in presidential contests.
The Arizona senator boasts that he can win California’s 55 electoral votes, the biggest prize on Nov. 4, but he’s running as the Republican successor to GOP President George Bush, whose approval rating is at an all-time low in the state.
Original DVD cover.
Now kids, the Associated Press has been a little touchy lately about quoting them, so I will paraphrase the rest of the story for you.
The last Rethug to carry California was Poppy Bush back in 1988. Al Gore and John Kerry won by double digits there in their failed quests for the Presidency. Democratic registration is up, and the Hispanic vote, which may be 20%, leans Democratic. It’s so gloomy for Rethugs that Chimpy didn’t even campaign there.
Captain Underpants’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, says that things could not be worse there for Rethugs. Yet, Davis still thinks Captain U has a chance to get the independent votes there.
This is a group of voters where John McCain has a unique appeal, and where we can make inroads in this historically Democratic state. We need to reach out to independents and disaffected Democrats, because they now represent the largest portion of swing voters and the greatest electoral bloc up for grabs.
Then Davis made pigs fly out of his ass.
Back in the land of reality, Mark DiCamillo of the Field Poll, which tracks the state’s politics said that the chances for Rethugs is “dismal.”
Another problem for Captain U is money. Advertising on TV is expensive, and Cindy Lou and the kids keep maxing out the credit cards. Barack Obama will probably be able to outspend him 2 to 1 nationally.
The campaign offices that are opening today in California are being paid for by the state Rethug Party, not the Captain U campaign. They will act as headquarters for all of the Captain U workers and volunteers (all 3 of them!). There is only one paid staffer in the entire state (hey, Captain U’s mother Roberta needed a supplement to her Social Security!).
The delusional Captain U followers point to Ahnold and say that Captain U shares qualities with him (like what? 2 arms and 2 legs?), and that gives them hope that he can make headway in the state. They cite working across party lines (dating Joe Lieberman?), caring about the environment (on which day?), and a centrist appeal. Howevah, Ahnold supports abortion rights, which Captain U doesn’t (at least today). There is only one other statewide Rethug officeholder, and he supports abortion rights as well.
Campaign adviser, Adam Mendelsohn, donned his rose-colored glasses and said:
While Democrats dominate, we’ve also seen the right Republican can win in California.
Then Mendelsohn put lipstick on the pigs that flew out of Rick Davis’s ass.