Hey kids! Remember My Fair Lady? It’s a musical about Sarah Palin, a moronic governor of one of the least populated states Eliza, a poor flower girl. She’s uneducated and unsophisticated. Hell, she can barely form a proper sentence! Well, Captain Underpants Henry Higgins gives her a crash course in speech and manners in hopes of passing her off as vice president material a lady.
Original DVD cover.
To the tune of I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face, music by Frederick Loewe and lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner, performed by Nat King Cole:
I want to punch her in the face,
Each time I see her stupid grin,
I’m tired of that same old tune,
She babbles night and noon,
Vladimir, so near,
She has no fear.
It’s getting harder to suppress,
Thinking she’s Dan Quayle in a dress,They had to take her to Debate Camp, make her smart as she can be,
Taught her that potato really doesn’t end
In E,
She’s just a national disgrace,
Let’s put her in her place,
And punch her in the face.I want to punch her in the face,
Each time I see her stupid grin,
Yes, I know that it sounds sexist,
But I hate that nasty bitch,
I see her face, and magically,
My handbecomes a fist,
She’s just a national disgrace,
Wanna put her in her place,
And punch her in the face.©nonnie9999
And if you don’t like that one, kids, here’s another version (and here’s Dean Martin singing it this time):
I’m so damned tired of her face,
She’s always on my TV screen,
I’ve grown quite weary of the shtick,
That she’s a mav-er-ick,
That fake facade,
Her kids, and Todd,
They’re making my TMJ flare,
Each time I see them on the air,
I used to be so even-tempered, but, my g-d, she makes me sick,
I’m developing an ulcer,
My left eye now has
A tic,
Please get her off my TV screen,
I swear, I’m gonna scream,
I’m tired of her face.I’m so damned tired of her voice,
She flaps her lips, without a clue,
Even if you listen closely,
Who the hell knows what she’s said?
I think there’s a brain missing,
‘Neath that beehive on her head,
Please get her off my TV screen,
I swear, I’m gonna scream,
I’m tired of her face.©nonnie9999
***Note: I am not inciting anyone to violence. Just like teaching someone to speak and act like a viable candidate for Vice President high-society lady in a very short period of time is a fantasy, so are my thoughts about punching Princess in the face.
HYSTERICAL RAISINS 
author author!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bravo……..
LOL — too friggin funny
you are the best
thanks, dcAp, 😀
i’v got the music part covered, but i need you to write the book! or, at the very least, the playbill! 😉
NOOOOOOO!!! You just killed me dead missy! I think I cracked a rib laughing, holy CRAP! I love that musical… and that song… omg so appropriate. The poster made me nearly upchuck, then the songs pushed me over the goddamn edge. Now I’m gonna have to sing them a few more times ’til I get it right (much to the annoyance of my dogs). The Pygmalion story has not left my conscience ever since the first time McCoot & Moosemeat appeared together.
Ohhh girl you really outdo yourself w/each new post. I wanna punch that bitch too. There, I said it. OOOOH! (*stomps foot*)
this is all your fault, helenwheels! 😀
we had the discussion of song parodies yesterday, and i guess, subconsciously, i was itching to write another one. when i went on my nightly walk, that song was stuck in my mind. princess sarah is such a joke that i had to write 2 versions, because i couldn’t fit all my contempt for her in just one.
Loverly nonnie, I could have laughed all night. With a little bit of luck, I might.
😆 when i thought you couldn’t make me laugh harder than the last time, you did it. you really did it!
Hahahahahaha!!! I love these nonnie! I’ll definitely be humming the first one in my sleep and all day tomorrow.
That pic of her in the poster gives me the creeps, though. The look on her face makes her look both brainless and conniving. That’s a tough combo to pull off, but she’s got a real talent for it. Oy.
Nonnie, I never thought I’d see violins on the Raisin… What? Never mind.
Oh, BTW, I love the award. I wish I had one.
gotta,
i’d like to see her field dress a moose in that outfit (i mean her wearing the dress and the hat, not the moose. the moose would most be nekkid).
the more i look at her, the creepier she is to me. yuk!
jeb,
you know i like to stay away from violins, but sometimes there is no choice. (you made emily litella smile from above! 😉 )
do something horse’s-assish, and i will send you the award post haste.
nonnie… Listen, you are really taxing my brain and my thesaurus. I’m running out of ways to say “fantastic” and “hysterical!”
From dictionary.com: divine, fabulous, fantastical, glorious, sensational, splendid, superb, terrific, wonderful, out of this world, amazing, astonishing, astounding, extraordinary, great, incredible, marvelous, phenomenal, remarkable, spectacular, superb, terrific, tremendous, wondrous .
Same place: sidesplitting. I don’t think I’ve used that one before…
You know how this plays to my love of musical parody! Kudos to you, kiddo…
The funnies were welcome, as always, but it was the music today. After a full day of “bailout” mania it was quite soothing to hear the eternal calm of Mr. Cole’s voice again. Always takes me back to a calmer, simpler time. If even so briefly.
Back to reality (sort of): Might need your help in an ad campaign. Thinking of starting an exclusive line of wigs and hairpieces to market at dkos. with all the flaming hair this week, there has to be a huge demand. ;}
geez53!!!
welcome to the raisin! 😀 what a nice surprise to have you comment here!
i am beginning to suspect that bailoutgate was planned. maybe that’s what captain underpants wanted when he went back to the hill. maybe he asked the house rethugs to stall so some of the attention was diverted from princess sarah and the debate. i put nothing past him or the house rethugs.
i love, love, love nat king cole. i know what you mean about his voice being soothing. he didn’t need any electronics to make his sound good. i could listen to him all day.
maybe you should think about a line of helmets instead. that way, any fires will extinguish themselves from the lack of oxygen, the kids won’t be able to pull their hair out, and they will be safe when they bang their heads against the wall. 😉
That offer to move in with me still stands.
Henry Higgins was too old and stodgy for Eliza IMO just Like CU and Caribou Barbie. Mismatch 😉 I just remembered a line from the original movie
‘Move your bloomin A$$’
Now sure how it fits but that is what is coming to mind is ‘Move your blooming A$$ off my TV’
How do you come up with this stuff Nonnie? You really should be a writer on a Larry David like sitcom!
Sandy
Agreed Sandy, I’d write a letter of recommendation. nonnie would be double treat (graphics dept. would get a boost too).
This is a test of the emregency gravatar system.
If this had been a real posted comment,
I would have shaved first.
Yesterday, I called her a Stepford Candidate and continued on to write, “The GOP may as well run a Chatbot. ELIZA for VP!”
It turns out that the program ELIZA was named after Eliza Doolittle. Ain’t coincidence grand?
Nonnie, is your site clock set for Greenwich Mean Time (GMT)? That last comment was posted at 11:51 AM EDT, but the date stamp says 3:51 PM.
karen,
my bags are still packed. i am just waiting for the address! 😉
sandy,
i never understood why audrey hepburn was always cast opposite old guys. the only exception i can think of was breakfast at tiffany’s.
by the way, i think captain u’s ass stopped blooming decades ago! 😉
geez,
though you lost your capital letter, the beard gives you so much gravitas that the capital letter is not missed at all! 🙂
neon vincent,
that’s so weird! i think i had heard of eliza before, but i am not sure where. it’s a perfect description of princess! she just finds her key word and then spits out the phrase she was programmed to say. isn’t it funny how princess brings out the same thoughts in different people?
yes, the raisin is in gmt. mighty mikk0mouse set up the blog, and he is in wales. it’s always been in gmt.
😳 nightowl,
i completely missed your comment. i apologize! thank you so much for your kind comments. whenever i write a song parody, i always wonder if you will like it. so glad that you did! 😀
HA. Too perfect.
thanks katie, not perfect, just fair. 😉
Flipping back to the original DVD cover, it’s so evident how beautiful Audrey Hepburn was (not only outside, but inside, too; remember her work for UNICEF long before Jolie made it fashionable). Meanwhile, Palindrone just looks harsh. Funny how she’s cast with an old guy, too.
Thanks to nonnie and all of you who made me laugh tonight. Priceless.
hi anais!
welcome to the raisin! 😀
i always wanted to grow up and be audrey hepburn. she was just so lovely, and there was an air of class about her.
princess is the opposite. you can dress her up and pay makeup artists and hairdressers thousands of dollars, but they can’t hide that coldness she has.
glad you could get a giggle here, anais. hope you will visit and comment often! 🙂