A Bigger Slice of the Eskimo Pie

From Reason:

A few years ago, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, Sen. Tom Coburn of Oklahoma suggested taking money earmarked for a notoriously extravagant “bridge to nowhere” in Alaska and using it for reconstruction in Louisiana. Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska, a fellow Republican, angrily declared, “This is the first time I have seen any attempt by any senator to treat my state…differently from any other state.”

In a tirade that included threats to behave like “a wounded bull on the floor of the Senate,” to “be taken out of here on a stretcher,” and to “resign from this body,” Stevens’ insistence that all he wanted was equal treatment for Alaska may have been the least believable thing he said. During the last four decades, no one has done more than Stevens to ensure that Alaska is treated unequally, receiving far more in federal spending than it pays in taxes.

Original DVD cover.

The octogenarian senator’s gift for grabbing dollars in the zero-sum game of congressional appropriations helps explain his easy victory in last summer’s Republican primary, despite his indictment less than a month before on federal charges of hiding corporate gifts. Yet the “track record of delivering results for Alaskans” he brags about is more scandalous than the crimes he denies.


Federal prosecutors accused Stevens of violating the Ethics in Government Act by failing to report more than $250,000 in gifts from VECO Corp., a now-defunct oil services and construction company whose CEO has admitted bribing state officials.


But if Stevens did help VECO with grants or contracts […] the amount of taxpayer money involved was a drop in the ocean compared to the billions of dollars he has directed Alaska’s way.

From 2004 to 2008, Taxpayers for Common Sense reports, Stevens had a hand in 891 Alaska-benefiting earmarks worth $3.2 billion. That works out to about $4,800 per Alaskan, 18 times the national average. And earmarks represent just a fraction of federal spending in Alaska, which totaled $9 billion in 2006 alone.

According to the Tax Foundation, Alaska ranked first in federal spending per capita in 18 of the 25 years from 1981 through 2005. In 2005 Alaskans received $1.84 for every dollar they sent to Washington in taxes. Stevens has played such an important role in this northward redistribution of income that Alaskans call federal spending “Stevens money.”

Alaska continues to receive these subsidies even though its government, which collects neither sales nor income tax from state residents, is flush with oil revenue and running budget surpluses. Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, portrayed by allies as a foe of old-school, money-grubbing Alaska Republicans like Stevens, has been happy to rake in the federal dollars as governor (and as mayor of Wasilla).


Filed under 2008 election, Alaska, Corruption, humor, Katrina, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Scandals, snark, Ted Stevens, Tom Coburn, VECO

19 responses to “A Bigger Slice of the Eskimo Pie

  1. nightowl724

    Very, very clever, nonnie! Was this poster particularly difficult?

    Speaking of Alaskan entitlement programs… This article reminded me of the old saying about everyone being equal, except I’m just more equal than everyone else.

  2. nightowl724

    Oops. I forgot to add:

    You betcha! 😉

  3. nightowl,
    the most difficult part was figuring out how to make dc out of the available letters. then there was the difficulty of finding a pic of princess that somewhat mimicked dean martin’s pose. oops, i have to take that back. the most difficult part is fighting back the nausea when having to read about anything having to do with princess or uncle ted.

  4. nightowl724

    It was the Palin pose that had me asking…

  5. jlms qkw - jenn

    oh nonnie, you rock!

    i hope and hope and hope for begich.

  6. jenn,
    me too, me too, me too!!!! and franken!! and martin!!

  7. Friend of the court

    HEY, LAAAAADY! Good job. 🙂

  8. jeb

    I want to be an Alaskan; rugged, independent, casting a cynical eye at the federal government and awash in taxpayer money. Really, it doesn’t get any better than that. No wonder those kooks keep returning crooks like Stevens and Young to Washington.

  9. writechicpress

    Stevens looks like Don Knotts! The Veco button is the best though. 😉

  10. writechicpress

    No offense to Don Knotts…I loved him as a kid.

  11. OMG! I thought you were kidding about Dean Martin being the next person to sport Natasha’s head. You weren’t! That will teach me not to believe you.

  12. Wow, that is most excellent, I also couldn’t figure out how you did the “DC”. Jeez, wonderful work!!

    OH and I gave you an award, come to my place & seee!

  13. fotc,
    hey miss laaaaaaady!! 😆

  14. jeb,
    maybe alaska is where we should start that commune we were all talking about a few months ago! 💡 we can just hang out all day, complain about the government, and collect our taxpayer money!

  15. wcp,
    i thought he looked like he would be right at home on the knee of edgar bergen. he looks like a puppet to me! of course, we know that nobody speaks for uncle ted. he would be one of those twilight zone puppets that takes over the ventriloquist. 👿

  16. 😆 neon vincent, would i lie to you? 😆

    ordinarily, i probably wouldn’t have answered the question you asked yesterday about who princess would be replacing, as i either have no idea myself, or i want it to be a surprise. however, i thought my honest answer that it would be dean martin would be taken as snark, and, even if it wasn’t, nobody would have guessed which movie it was going to be.

  17. helen,
    the lettering in some poster drives me crazy. when the only changes are in the names of the people in the movie, you can usually find a font that is close enough. when it’s the title, though, there are some fonts that are impossible to match. i think you lose the flavor of the cover when you replace a font with something that doesn’t match the original. you can sometimes get lucky and find that someone has created a similar font. however, more often, i wind up making the letters i need out of what’s available. the d in dc is a combination of the f, o, and e in the original, and the c is formed from the o and the e, with a little bit of erasing to make the notch. i actually like making letters out of existing ones. it’s like a logic problem that has to be solved.

    now that i have completely bored you with my explanation of letter-making, thank you so much for my award! i am humbled and grateful. you are so kind to me! mmmwwaahhhhh! you know that the feeling is mutual.

  18. nightowl724

    You. are. amazing. nonnie.

  19. thanks, nightowl, but nothing amazing going on. i just putz around until something looks right.