Charlie and Chimpy

Charlie Gibson of ABC News was the first stop on Chimpy’s Magical Rewriting History Tour.

Original movie poster.

Here are some gems from the transcript:

On the economy:

GIBSON: Do you feel in any way responsible for what’s happening?

BUSH: You know, I’m the President during this period of time, but I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in President, during I arrived in President.

I’m a little upset that we didn’t get the reforms to Fannie and Freddie — on Fannie and Freddie, because I think it would have helped a lot. And when people review the history of this administration, people will say that this administration tried hard to get a regulator.

On being the Preznit:

GIBSON: Let’s talk a little bit about eight years as being President. What don’t the American people know about being President? What would surprise them the most?

BUSH: That’s an interesting question. I think, at least from my administration, I think they’d be surprised at how our team has worked so closely together. Some days we’re not so happy, some days happy; every day has been pretty joyous, though — that when you have a purpose in life, that no matter what it may look like from afar, that we’re a highly motivated group of people that are honored to serve.

In other words, I think people look at the White House and say, oh, man, what a miserable experience it is to be President. You know, there’s a lot of noise, a lot of criticism, a lot of name-calling, a lot of this, a lot of that. But I think people would be surprised when they walked in the Oval Office and the White House to see a highly motivated group of people that really enjoy what we’re doing.

GIBSON: What were you most unprepared for?

BUSH: Well, I think I was unprepared for war. In other words, I didn’t campaign and say, “Please vote for me, I’ll be able to handle an attack.” In other words, I didn’t anticipate war. Presidents — one of the things about the modern presidency is that the unexpected will happen.

…snip…

GIBSON: That’s the second time I’ve heard you use the word “joyful” about the presidency, and that might take people by surprise. Even in really tough times?

BUSH: Oh, yes. As I said, some times are happy, some not happy. I don’t want people to misconstrue. It’s not — I don’t feel joyful when somebody loses their life, nor do I feel joyful from somebody loses a job. That concerns me. And the President ends up carrying a lot of people’s grief in his soul during a presidency. One of the things about the presidency is you deal with a lot of tragedy — whether it be hurricanes, or tornadoes, or fires, or death — and you spend time being the Comforter-in-Chief. But the idea of being able to serve a nation you love is — has been joyful. In other words, my spirits have never been down. I have been sad, but the spirits are up.

On the election:

GIBSON: Was the election in any way a repudiation of the Bush administration?

BUSH: I think it was a repudiation of Republicans. And I’m sure some people voted for Barack Obama because of me. I think most people voted for Barack Obama because they decided they wanted him to be in their living room for the next four years explaining policy. In other words, they made a conscious choice to put him in as President.

As opposed to those in 2000 and 2004 who were drunk or stoned unconscious when they voted for you, Bucko.

On being a uniter instead of just a room divider :

GIBSON: Given the fact that you did start campaigning for change, said you were going to change the ways of Washington, do you feel you did in any way? Or did 9/11 really stand in the way of doing it?

BUSH: No, you know — actually, 9/11 unified the country, and that was a moment where Washington decided to work together. I think one of the big disappointments of the presidency has been the fact that the tone in Washington got worse, not better.

Having said that, there were some moments of strong bipartisanship. I mean, No Child Left Behind Act, for example, or eventually funding our troops. I know the war was — created bitter divisions. But nevertheless, when it came to supporting the troops or our veterans, we worked together. And so there were — PEPFAR, for example, the AIDS initiative in Africa, got bipartisan support. Millennium Challenge Account. I mean, there were moments of bipartisanship. But the tone was rough. And I was obviously partially responsible because I was the President, although I tried hard not to call people names and bring the office down during my presidency.

You did call people names, but you mangled the words so badly, nobody knew what the hell you were saying.

Oh, kids, I almost forgot, guess who else was there!

On his legacy:

GIBSON: As you leave, what do you think the country’s feeling is about George W. Bush?

BUSH: I don’t know. I hope they feel that this is a guy that came, didn’t sell his soul for politics, had to make some tough decisions, and did so in a principled way.

MRS. BUSH: I think they think he’s somebody that kept them safe for eight years. And I think — and I hear that all the time, people thanking me, telling me to thank him.

Dammit, I already closed Photoshop, or I would change the poster to read Out of her fu¢king mind!!

On the Iraq War:

GIBSON: You’ve always said there’s no do-overs as President. If you had one?

BUSH: I don’t know — the biggest regret of all the presidency has to have been the intelligence failure in Iraq. A lot of people put their reputations on the line and said the weapons of mass destruction is a reason to remove Saddam Hussein. It wasn’t just people in my administration; a lot of members in Congress, prior to my arrival in Washington D.C., during the debate on Iraq, a lot of leaders of nations around the world were all looking at the same intelligence. And, you know, that’s not a do-over, but I wish the intelligence had been different, I guess.

GIBSON: If the intelligence had been right, would there have been an Iraq war?

BUSH: Yes, because Saddam Hussein was unwilling to let the inspectors go in to determine whether or not the U.N. resolutions were being upheld. In other words, if he had had weapons of mass destruction, would there have been a war? Absolutely.

GIBSON: No, if you had known he didn’t.

BUSH: Oh, I see what you’re saying. You know, that’s an interesting question. That is a do-over that I can’t do. It’s hard for me to speculate.

On life after January 20th which can’t come quickly enough:

BUSH: And I’m confident I’ll adjust, obviously. And I’m beginning to think through what I’m going to do. I intend to write a book. I’m going to build an institute at Southern Methodist University, along with the library and archives. That’s where Laura went, right there in the heart of Dallas. And other than that, I’m just going to take it when it comes. I’d like to — I tell you what I don’t want to do, I don’t want to draw attention to myself. Pretty much had it when it comes to –

GIBSON: You want to withdraw from the limelight?

BUSH: I think so, yes. I’d like to live life without the limelight for a while. I don’t — I think it’s going to be real important for me to get off the stage. We got a new man coming on the stage; I wish him all the very best. And I don’t want to be a — I don’t want to be out there critiquing him, his every move.

GIBSON: How about you? What thought have you given to it?

MRS. BUSH: Well, I’m actually thinking of things like being a cook again and doing those sort of things. And I’m feeling very incompetent — (laughter.)

…snip…

BUSH: Steve Hadley and I were sitting around — he’s the National Security Advisor — sitting around; I said, wouldn’t it be interesting for baby boomers not to retire in nice places, but to retire — during their retirement, go help people deal with malaria or AIDS. In other words — and I’m not suggesting that’s what I’m going to do, but it is the kind of thing that intrigues me.

More stupidity at the link above.

31 Comments

Filed under 2008 election, 9/11, ABC News, Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Chimpy, George W. Bush, humor, Iraq War, Laura Bush, movies, NCLB, No Child Left Behind, parody, politics, Republicans, September 11, snark, Stephen Hadley, United Nations, Wordpress Political Blogs

31 responses to “Charlie and Chimpy

  1. Best photoshopping of all time. Sorry Dr. Ziaus. Reading this transcript was actually more painful than watching the portions of the interview posted on Olbermann and Maddow and Matthews. So, you have really achieved something here. I’m so damn scared we won’t survive the next forty five days or so without a major world destroying fu¢k-up by this dim bulb that is the Shrub, or Chimpy. Pickles knows how to read. She’d have been a better President. Give the broad a break–she’s had to sleep with the Shrub for all these years.

  2. hello, utah savage!
    welcome to the raisin! :D i have been at your blog quite a few times. i have seen your comments over at dcAp’s place and elsewhere, and i have clicked over several times. how nice to see you comment here.

    thank you so much for your kind words. this poster had its difficulties, so i am very happy to hear that it was a success.

    i, too, am holding my breath that chimpy doesn’t do anything catastrophic before january 20th. i am already braced to be outraged at his last-minute pardons, but i don’t want to even imagine what deadeye dick is cooking up for chimpy to do.

    pickles can’t be too smart if she is still with chimpy. as for sleeping with him, i wonder if that’s true. there were stories about her spending nights at the mayfair hotel. i used to think that poppy and bar have been blackmailing or extorting pickles so that she is forced to stay with chimpy. pickles should have used the national press as cover as she ran for safety. however, i think she has pure valium running through her veins, so she just has a smoke and hangs out in the lincoln bedroom. rumor is they just bought a 8000+ square foot home in dallas. i guess that’s big enough to be able to avoid chimpy.

  3. nightowl724

    W still can’t put together a coherent sentence… and still makes me sick to my stomach. Counting the days…

    These posters are so fun, nonnie! Love all the little Bush faces in the first one, especially the one of him blowing a bubble. You are so good at that thing that you do, kiddo!

  4. thanks, nightowl,
    i think it is telling that abc didn’t clean up the transcript so that chimpy sounds like he is saying something intelligible. it is so obvious when you read it that he is not an intelligent person, and the media is no longer helping him hide that fact.

  5. i cannot stop laughing….. i wish charlie gibson had interviewed YOU instead!

    his exit interviews are chock full of so much material

    you have to see the video of joe scarborough and his revisionist history of bush

  6. dcAp,
    i can’t wait for the other interviews! to tell the truth, i didn’t watch this one, except for clips on other shows.

    i have tried watching squinty joe, but i never last more than a few minutes. he is so moronic, mika is the most vapid idiot on the planet, and what willie geist is doing on tv escapes me. the entire iq of that show is probably less than 50. i only like it when lawrence o’donnell or someone like him is on, and he tells them how stupid they really are, though not in those words.

    glad i could make you laugh, even if it’s only by copying and pasting chimpy’s words! :wink:

  7. jeb

    This Administration is the bandaid you’ve had on for three weeks when you’re nine and it’s covered in dirt and there’s dried blood underneath. You can’t bear to rip it off so you’re pulling it off so slowly wishing it was off and hurting as it pulls away from your skin and reopens the wound. Please just get it off now!

  8. jeb,
    and the bandaid comes off finally, only to have you fall on a pile of broken glass and kosher salt. and it still wouldn’t be as painful as listening to chimpy speak.

  9. Friend of the court

    Nice work. nonnie! I can’t wait until Jan. 20th, when I will be retiring the phrase, ” the President is an idiot.”, from my key board.

  10. thanks fotc! :D
    i bet our use of moron, idiot, stupid, imbecile, etc. will go way down after january 20th. then again, we still have boohoo boehner, mcconnell, bachmann, palin……

  11. All these years, I never knew that Laura’s nickname was Pickles until I started reading the Raisin. Thank you, Nonnie, you helped make me smarter!

  12. neon vincent,
    i think it was mike malloy i was listening to on the radio one evening who used the name pickles for laura. that’s when i started calling her that.

    of course, i am just returning the favor. every saturday, you bestow upon me stories of medical miracles, wonders of the universe, and amazing life forms. it’s only fair that i let you know that laura’s nickname is pickles. :oops:

  13. jeb

    What do you mean Nonnie? Are you saying that this isn’t a coherent sentence worthy of the President? “You know, I’m the President during this period of time, but I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in President, during I arrived in President.”

    Actually, every time I hear this clip played on TV I have to stifle a scream and restrain myself from putting my foot through the TV screen. If someone did this as satire, it wouldn’t have been believable.

  14. writechicpress

    That was the cringey-ist interview I’ve ever watched. I wanted to punch Bush and Gibson in the face.

    Your “uh-oh” moments, Mr President?

    Exasperating.

  15. jeb,
    you picked out my favorite sentence. where is this place called President? :?:

  16. wcp,
    i cringed at that, too, wcp. i was surprised that charlie didn’t ask him somewhere in the middle if chimpy had to go potty and/or didn’t hand him a lollipop to make sure he would sit still. maybe that’s why pickles came in–to check his diaper. i guess condi was busy.

  17. jeb

    I personally would have made a solemn pledge to endure Chuckie every night on the evening news if he would have only asked; “Mr. President, how do you sleep at night knowing that you are the most incompetent, inept and immoral bumbler ever to occupy this office? Doesn’t it bother you that you are more ineffective than Pierce, more irrelevant than Van Buren, more apathetic than Buchanan and more immoral than Nixon?”

    Knowing Bush, he would have said, “Who are them fellers?”

  18. jeb,
    chimpy might have recognized pierce’s name, but only because he was an ancestor, and he might remember his mommy’s maiden name. as for the others, he is furiously looking through his baseball cards to see if he can find them. :wink:

    as for charlie, i suppose the interviewer sinks to the level of the interviewee. we don’t speak to a five-year-old the way we would speak to a college professor. however, people have to speak to chimpy as they would a five-year-old so he has some understanding of what is being said to him.

  19. Hey, Nonnie, we all have our areas of expertise.

  20. neon vincent,
    i’m still looking for mine! :shock:

  21. jeb

    Hmmm, I didn’t realize Pierce was an ancestor but it makes sense since he famously said “Well, there’s nothing left to it but to get drunk” after his own party refused to nominate him for a second term.

  22. could there be greater proof of the familial bond, jeb? drinking and lousy judgment!

  23. almost forgot. bar’s wiki page says her father was aleister crowley, a british occultist. apparently, there are rumors that he was her biological father, not marvin pierce. i had never heard that before, but there is plenty about it on the internets. the old bag even looks like crowley!

  24. OK, now that’s the first I ever heard of Barbara Bush being the illegitimate daughter of Aleister Crowley, and someone interested in both Crowley and conspiracy theories. So I checked. Lo and behold! There are 5800 hits on Google for “Barbara Bush” and “Aleister Crowley”! And, yes, she does look like him! Thank you, Nonnie, for giving me another piece of information I’d never encountered before.

  25. neon vincent,
    i’m just a walkin’, talkin’ edition of the national enquirer!

  26. I don’t read the National Enquirer, so I have to get that kind of news from you.

  27. i don’t read it either, neon vincent, except for the front page when i am waiting at the checkout line. the google is more fun than the enquirer ever was!

  28. It amazes me that you were able to find so many photos of Bush looking like the drooling imbecile he is.
    Wait, I am not amazed.
    What does amaze me is your talent and wit.

  29. karen,
    when you go to the google, it’s hilarious how many hits you get in google images when you type in ‘bush idiot’ or ‘bush stupid’. :lol: thank goodness i never have to find a picture of him looking intelligent. no matter how good you are at manipulating pictures, that’s never going to happen!

  30. I’d love to see the spoiled little fu¢ker boiled alive in the worst-tasting candy Willy Wonka could make.

  31. lulu,
    once chimpy falls in, it is bound to be the worst tasting candy willy wonka could make. he spoils everything he touches.

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