The *Untied* States of America, the Final Installment

Hey comrades amigos hosers mes amis meine Freunde i miei amici mijn vrienden kids! We’ve been exploring what 2010 will look like in the former U.S. of A. after the civil war predicted by Igor Panarin. We’ve covered The Texas Republic and Russian Alaska, the Central North American Republic, and Atlantic America. That, sadly, brings us to the end of our journey, as we consider what it will be like in The Californian Republic (TCR) as it becomes part of China and the new Japanese Hawaii.

thecalifornianrepublic

Just as the politicians at our previous stops are adjusting to the new reality, so are those in TCR. For example, Senator Bob Bennett of the former state of Utah is taking his ex-state’s values and adapting them to his new environs….

chinesebobbennettUT

Hey! I bet that, an hour later, you want to discriminate against another minority group!!

Speaking of the former Utah, we can’t forget about Orrin Hatch! He’s doing what he can to get by, too….

chineseorrinhatch

Difficult to preach against gay rights wearing that get-up, huh, Orrin?

Of course, when speaking of The Californian Republic, you can’t help but take a look at what used to be California! Here’s Governator Ahhhnold declaring himself Emperor of Grauman’s Chinese Theater while his scary lookin’ anorexic lovely wife and First Kennedy Lady, Maria Shriver, looks on….

ahnoldmariachinatown

Oooh! I think I see Senators Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer out for a night on the town….

chinesediannefeinsteinbarbaraboxer

Meanwhile, John Ensign of the former Nevada, Mike Crapo from the former Idaho, and Jon Kyl and Captain Underpants John McCain of the former Arizona stand around, trying to look relevant….

chinesemccaincrapoensignkyl

If Captain Underpants John McCain looks a little cranky, it’s because he’s having trouble remembering that he has to say Pun yeou instead of my friends.

Now we come to the new Japanese Hawaii, tomodachi. I have to say that I really admire Senator Daniel Akaka! He’s 84 years old, and look at him putting on a brave face right before he has to mix it up with the younger guys….

danielakakasumo2

Then again, maybe he’s just happy he didn’t get stuck with the same assignment that his friend and colleague, Daniel Inouye, got….

danielinouyegeisha

That makeup can be hell on octogenarian skin!

Well, comrades amigos hosers mes amis meine Freunde i miei amici mijn vrienden Pun yeou tomodachi kids, I hope our little tour of the Untied States of America has been helpful. Just remember–whether you will become a resident of The Texas Republic, Russian Alaska, the Central North American Republic, Atlantic America, The Californian Republic, or Japanese Hawaii, you’ll still be Raisinettes.

19 Comments

Filed under 2008 election, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barbara Boxer, California, China, Daniel Akaka, Daniel Inouye, Democrats, Dianne Feinstein, Gay rights, Homophobia, Homosexuality, humor, Idaho, John McCain, Jon Kyl, Mike Crapo, Orrin Hatch, parody, politics, Republicans, Russia, snark

19 responses to “The *Untied* States of America, the Final Installment

  1. BuelahMan

    The one with McCain had me laughing so hard I almost pissed my pants.

    Excellent series.

  2. hi beulahman!
    welcome to the raisin! ๐Ÿ˜€

    you mean, you read through the whole series? oh, you poor sweet thing! you have to get out more. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    thank you for your kind comments. hope you will stop by again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. This has been a fantastic series. I’ve never seen Ahhhnold look so good.

  4. dc….lisa!!! ๐Ÿ˜€
    thanks, sweetie! the more covered-up ahhnold is nowadays, the better he looks. he should have a muffler over his mouth to look really good.

  5. The one who came out best was Maria. She actually looks like she could wear that slit-sided dress.

  6. really, neon vincent? i think orrin hatch was born to wear that outfit! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. nightowl724

    Just rememberโ€“whether you will become a resident of The Texas Republic, Russian Alaska, the Central North American Republic, Atlantic America, The Californian Republic, or Japanese Hawaii, youโ€™ll still be Raisinettes.

    And, you’ll still be the funniest photoshopper in the world!

  8. nightowl,
    i think the-powers-that-be in TTR will take my computer away. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

  9. nightowl724

    Not if they know what’s good for them!!!!!

  10. Hilarious!
    But one thing, as a half-Mexican myself, I gotta say Mexico definitely would have dibs on California, Arizona, New Mexico and even Texas.

  11. karen,
    disregarding the main gist of panarin’s thesis about the states breaking up, what i find the most ridiculous is how he decided the states would separate. i mean, idaho and utah with california? tennessee, south carolina, and kentucky with new england and new yawk? for that matter, i don’t see alabamans and mississippians speaking spanish! there would be civil war after civil war.

  12. Exploding Sheep Productions

    Nice job. We laughed, we cried, but at least we didn’t piss our pants.

  13. thanks exploding sheep productions, and welcome to the raisin! ๐Ÿ˜€ i am happy to hear that you have no incontinence problems, but, even if you did, i would imagine all that wool would soak up the problem nicely! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. jeb

    Nonnie, very informative and entertaining. As for your fears of being subsumed by the Texas Republic (why would you fear leaders from Texas?), what our Russian friend didn’t factor in is your quick escape valve. Yes, his lack of knowledge made him completely overlook the Conch Republic. You just hop on US1 South and get over the bridge and you can setup your laptop in the refuge of Sloppy Joe’s while your former neighbors suffer under and endless reign of Bushes.

  15. jeb,
    a couple of problemos (i’m practicing my language skills just in case). first, i don’t have a laptop, and the computer tower keeps falling off my lap. second, all it takes is one car broken down on the 7-mile bridge, and it will take days to get to key west.

    and whaddya mean entertaining? this was a totally scholastic work, created to educate, not amuse.

  16. jlms qkw - jenn

    oh no! orrin and bob! save me!

    great series, nonnie! sorry i didn’t stop by earlier.

  17. jenn,
    i was thinking of you when i made those 2 images. i couldn’t leave out utah knowing you would be here! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  18. jean-philippe

    As if you called Sharon Angle’s comment on Asian latinos 18 months in advance…

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