Personal Fouls-Sports Night at the Raisin!

From Business Week (January 30):

So much for bipartisanship…10 days into the President’s term and it’s over. Only the tiniest signs of inter-party mixing and mingling exist.

We’re not talking the stimulus bill here. We’re talking serious stuff: the President’s Super Bowl party.

After two days of questioning, the press office just released a list of the elected officials who will be watching the big game with Obama in the White House. The final score? Donkeys: 11. Elephants: 3. Seven of the guests hail from either Arizona or Pennsylvania, though apparently neither presidential rival John McCain or John Kyl, Arizona’s two Republican Senators, will be there. Pennsylvania will be better represented: both Democrat Bob Casey and Republican Arlen Specter will be in the house.

Original DVD cover.

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers! I’m not the biggest football fan, but I did watch most of the game. The Arizona Cardinals played really well, but there can only be one winner, and Arizona can’t seem to send one when it counts most (I’m looking at you, Captain Underpants!). In my humble opinion, I think that it was rather petty of Captain U and Kyl not to go to the White House when they were invited.

And the other big sports news, from The Washington Post:

Michael Phelps screwed up. Of that, there is no doubt. He went to a party in Columbia, S.C. in November and got caught on camera taking a hit on a marijuana bong. Someone sold the photo to a London tabloid and it ran in the newspaper this past Sunday.


It would be nice to report that the people who represent Phelps rode to the rescue and minimized the damage. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. According to the story in the London tabloid that bought the photo, an employee of Octagon — the firm that represents Phelps — attempted to bribe the newspaper into not running the photo.

The paper, The News of the World, reported that Octagon’s Clifford Boxham offered the paper Phelps’s services as a columnist for the next three years and as a host at events on behalf of the newspaper and also offered to get some of Phelps’s sponsors to buy advertising in the newspaper.


Phelps smoking dope and getting caught may be dumb, but trying to cover it up is beyond stupid. His crime isn’t just a misdemeanor legally, it’s a misdemeanor in the court of public opinion. In fact, it isn’t as bad as Phelps’s other post-Olympic mistake, when he pleaded guilty to driving while impaired in 2004, not long after the Athens Olympics.


On Sunday, Phelps issued an apology — which was a good thing — but even it smacked of corporate overplay.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in an Octagon-released statement. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public — it will not happen again.”

Read that again and decide if one word of it came out of Phelps’s mouth. Sure, statements always have a certain formality to them — not to mention they usually seem like cop-outs for people who don’t want to answer questions — but Phelps doesn’t even come close to talking like that.

How about he just never says anything again? Yes, I loved the excitement of the Olympics, but as soon as I heard Phelps speak, the magic was gone. He’s possibly the most boring person on the planet, and I really don’t care how much he eats, sleeps, or poops. He’s got enough money to live very comfortably for the rest of his life, so please allow the rest of us the joy of never seeing him again unless he’s in the water. Of course, advertisers won’t listen to me, so there will be those running after him with endorsement deals. I think he’s screwed up getting those from certain companies that want to present themselves as wholesome, but fear not, Michael, you moron, you’re perfect as a spokesperson for at least one product….

Original image.


Filed under 2008 election, Advertising, Arlen Specter, Barack Obama, Democrats, humor, John McCain, Jon Kyl, Marijuana, movies, Olympics, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, snark, Sports

12 responses to “Personal Fouls-Sports Night at the Raisin!

  1. nightowl724

    Hi! Hi! Hi! I’m back! Didja miss me? Huh? Huh? Huh? Didja?

    nonnie, your sports page is too much! In the first, would that be an “L” for Left-Leaning Liberal or for Loser as in the original or for Licked as in the election?

    On the munchies box, hahahaha to the Goodness Corner, to the captian toking and to the toasted claim!

    This is one day when the world thinks it’s OK to be from the ‘Burgh…

  2. nightowl724

    Ummm… I meant CAPTION! Maybe they let me back out of the cage too soon…

  3. where have you been, nightowl? trm has been inconsolable!

    the L is definitely for loser. i was rooting for the steelers, because it gave me pleasure to think that capt u and kyl were dying a little inside. 🙂

    geez did a very good job in finding my little jokes in yesterday’s poster in your absence. however, you are still needed around here, so please get a note if you are going to be absent. 😉

  4. nightowl724

    Sorry, nonnie. 😦

  5. Yay, a sports theme for Super Bowl week!

    That first cover reminds me of the first verse of All Star by Smash Mouth:

    Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
    I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed
    She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
    In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

  6. i don’t do sports stuff very often, neon vincent, but it’s fun once in a while for a change of pace. i think you picked a perfect song to go along with the poster, but we’ll sing it as he is looking kind of dumb.

  7. geez53

    Wonder if NORML has approached Phelps yet?
    It would be a reel head snapper to switch from Tommy Chong to Michael Phelps, but stranger things have happened in the world of PR. It’s just hard to visualize Phelps setting on the edge of the pool contemplating his hand in total wonderment.

    And it serves the Cardinals right for moving further away from us and closer to McLame. There has to be some reason why it’s also Sarah Pylon’s fault, just haven’t figured the angle of the spin yet, also. ;}

  8. geez,
    i can’t see any respectable group wanting a moron like michael phelps as a spokesperson. he’s unattractive and is painful to listen to. i always think he is going to start drooling when he speaks. he should stay in the water at all times.

    i think you are correct, and the cardinal’s loss is princess pylon’s fault (love the pylon name! 😆 ). she didn’t get that guy who prays away the evil spirits to clear out the cardinals’ locker room before the game. they lost before they ever set foot on the field. 😉

  9. jlms qkw - jenn

    oh nonnie, i luv “toasted”
    there was a gal on talk of the nation today that sounded like phelps whole life was practically over. she commented how eric heiden turned down all endorsements and went to medical school, implying how superior that is.

    and now that sc sheriff wants his piece of the publicity pie too.

  10. jenn,
    i would really like it if michael phelps just went away quietly. he should never have been a role model. he excels at swimming, because swimming is all that he does. most people don’t have the luxury of swimming instead of studying or paying bills or raising a family. he has enough money for him to live comfortably for the rest of his life. he’s too stupid to go around making speeches, so let him be a role model by going away and teaching kids not to be greedy.

  11. Phelps might have made alienated a few people with that pot-smoking picture, but i think he gained the support of another huge group of people to take their place

  12. hiya coffee! 😀
    i have no problem whatsoever with phelps smoking pot. i think it should be legalized, and any argument against it is ridiculous. hell, maybe when he smokes, phelps actually develops a personality! my objection to him is that he is self-absorbed and boring, not that he indulges in getting high from time to time.