From NPR:

Bernard Madoff has gone from a $7 million penthouse to a tiny jail cell in Manhattan. Madoff pleaded guilty in federal court Thursday, but implicated no one but himself. Investigators continue to pore over records, trying to figure out, among other things, who helped Madoff engineer the $64 billion fraud that may be the largest in U.S. history. Madoff will be sentenced on June 16.

Original DVD cover.

Former New York money manager Bernard Madoff pleaded guilty Thursday to masterminding one of the largest swindles in Wall Street history and was led away from a Manhattan courthouse in handcuffs.

U.S. District Judge Denny Chin accepted Madoff’s plea and immediately revoked his bail.


Some spectators in the courtroom applauded the ruling. Madoff pleaded guilty to 11 counts of fraud, money laundering, perjury and theft and faces a maximum of 150 years in prison. Sentencing was scheduled for June 16.

Madoff, a former chairman of the Nasdaq exchange, has become a symbol of all that has gone wrong with the financial industry in recent years.


He told Chin that he started falsifying account statements in the 1990s because he felt compelled to meet investor expectations. He built a giant Ponzi scheme to ensure that those expectations would not be dashed. He ended up taking new clients’ money to both finance a lavish lifestyle and pay off established clients when they asked for redemptions from their accounts.


He said he was painfully aware that he had hurt many people. “I am actually grateful for this opportunity to publicly comment about my crimes, for which I am deeply sorry and ashamed,” Madoff said.

Madoff’s scheme ensnared a roster of different investors β€” hedge funds, philanthrophic organizations, celebrities, Palm Beach retirees β€” all of whom were wiped out by a man who had made clients feel that investing with him was somehow a privilege.


It is unclear exactly how much money Madoff funneled through his scheme and what happened to that money. Prosecutors say the government is looking for some $170 billion in forfeited assets from Madoff which, they say, is equal to all the money that ran through accounts linked to the scheme.

So far a court-appointed trustee has been able to find only about $1 billion in assets. Federal prosecutors say Madoff had 4,800 client accounts by the end of November 2008 that were supposed to contain some $64.8 billion in customer funds. The government said Madoff’s business had only “a small fraction” of that money.

There had been some talk last week of a possible plea agreement, but in the end those negotiations collapsed after prosecutors refused to protect Madoff’s family from prosecution. Ruth Madoff, his wife, has now retained a lawyer. People familiar with the discussions, who asked not to be named because an investigation is ongoing, said the talks had been contentious from the start. When Madoff was arrested, officials said he appeared to be helpful to investigators. But when they began following up on the information, a lot of it was false or incomplete.

Because Madoff has made no plea agreement, he is under no obligation to name names or tell investigators where the billions of dollars he stole from investors actually went.


Yes, that really is Bernie’s prison number.


Filed under humor, movies, parody, politics, Scandals, snark

15 responses to “617-27-054

  1. Ram Venkatararam

    Hope he makes lots of friends.

    • his lawyers are already trying to get him out of jail. i don’t think he’s going to last long in there. he’ll be protected, but he’s 70 years old, and i don’t think he’ll have much of a will to live in the big house. hopefully, his friends and coworkers will join him soon, and then poor bernie won’t have to be so lonely. he’s definitely protecting other people, and i hope the feds or state officials will go after them in earnest.

  2. Jenn/jlms qkw

    bernie is the king stock puppet.

    sec classics! w00t!

  3. Watch, he’ll go to some minimum security place (a Club Fed) when he’s sentenced. I’m sure his lawyers will keep him out of Leavenworth or someplace similar.

    • neon vincent,
      i was very surprised yesterday while watching tv to hear more than one person say that bernie won’t be going to any club fed. i doubt he’ll wind up in leavenworth, but i don’t think he’ll have a picnic no matter where he winds up. even if he did go to a club fed, all the rich people there would hate his guts for ripping off their friends. πŸ˜†

      to tell you the truth (and maybe i shouldn’t say this), i fully expected to turn on the news and hear that bernie committed suicide. i thought he would prefer that over the disgrace of going to prison. unless he surprisingly adjusts well to prison life and not having to make any decisions, i don’t think he’ll last long. not saying he’ll off himself or someone else will do the job for him, but i think his will to live won’t be too strong, and he’ll age very quickly.

  4. I think he and Ruth should be forced to share a tiny cell, without air conditioning, on hard metal cots with razor thin, used mattreses.
    And they have to save up for a cup of Top Ramen.

    • that’s a good start, but i think the worst punishment for ruthie and bernie would be constant public shaming. i take that back. the worst punishment is for the feds to find out who bernie is protecting and nail their asses to the wall.

  5. jeb

    I think that they should stick his ass in general population and tell him that he can get out of it by coughing up the info on where all the money is hidden.

    • if ruthie is allowed to keep some of her ill-gotten money, then bernie will still have some power. he can always suggest that ruthie support another prisoner’s family on the outside in exchange for protection inside. i think loneliness is the best punishment. let him sit all by himself day by day in a dark tiny prison cell and think about all the lives he ruined, including his own. maybe, once a week, one of his victims could be allowed in to tell him how bernie ruined lives, and then the victim can spit on him.

  6. kryss

    Hey nonnie! Pretty impressive work! I’m gonna need stitches for my side after seeing that monopoly card! roflmao! i guess its all fun and games until someone goes to jail! I read that someone named Harry Markopolos had been trying to persuade the SEC that Bernie was running a gigantic Ponzi scheme…10 years ago!
    darn those medeling hedge fund managers! Do you think they could at least let Ruth spend weekend at bernie’s in Martha’s old cell?

    • krystal,
      the most shocking part of this entire story is that bernie’s ponzi scheme could have been stopped years ago if anyone over at the sec had picked up the phone and made a couple of phone calls. they would have known that bernie had not invested a single penny, and the whole charade would have been exposed.

      it’s amazing that the student loan people or the irs will turn up every penny you owe and then hunt you down, but rich people are allowed to get away with just about anything, just because they’re rich. there really are 2 americas–one for the rich and one for the rest of us.

  7. My only real regret in all this is that Bernie’s ass is probably too wrinkled and saggy to be an inviting target for making new ‘friends.’
    Let’s hope when he removes his dentures, he can offer them a nice alternative.

  8. Balaul

    KarenZipdrive-that was too funny!
    I cannot stop laughing, He does NOT deserve to sit in jail for the next few month or years whittering away, THAT IS TAX DOLLARs WASTING. But all that is said and done, we all must admit he is a very smart man to take billion of dollars from the elite folks who are so smart and wealthy with there lawyers and accountant and did not even pull up a web page and check on there funds. I wonder if EYE(S) are open now.

    • hello balaul,
      welcome to the raisin! πŸ˜€

      conmen aren’t necessarily smart. he took billions of dollars from people who trusted him for all the wrong reasons. he didn’t have to do anything to convince them to trust him other than live very well. the rich attract the rich. he was slick, yes, but very smart? i don’t think so. if he was very smart, he would have realized that, sooner or later, his house of cards was going to collapse.