Ship of Tools

From Al Kamen at The Washington Post:

Republicans are said to be experiencing their winter of discontent, aimlessly adrift and trying to get their bearings after a couple of tough campaign cycles. So why not join like-minded folks and be literally adrift, on a luxury cruise ship meandering for 10 days in the Mediterranean and the Adriatic?

You’ll be able to commiserate with and enjoy the grand company of luminaries from the conservative National Review — Rich Lowry, Jonah Goldberg, Kathryn Lopez, Kate O’Beirne and others.

Original DVD cover.

The luxurious Holland America Noordam sets out from Rome to Dubrovnik to the Greek Isles, then to Sicily and back to Rome. The 2009 Mediterranean Cruise has a “sunny itinerary” perfect to brighten an otherwise gloomy time, the magazine’s ad says.


Some of the guest speakers include Karl (“Permanent Majority”) Rove, author Michael Novak, former U.N. ambassador John Bolton and ace political analyst Dick Morris, who appears fully recovered from that toe-sucking incident. Also on board will be columnists Tony Blankley, Cal Thomas and George Gilder.

(There will be no enjoyment on the cruise, because Bolton has decreed that you can’t have fun until you can spell it without UN.)

The cruise is conservatively priced as these things go, with 185-square-foot cabins for $5,000 a couple ($6,000 if you want a window, which you do). But the fiscally prudent will have to chance a waiting list for those rooms. The pricey suites, up to $14,000 per couple for one with a veranda, are still available. In times past, the plush accommodations went first. Must be the economy.

“It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience,” the ad says, “why not experience it yourself?” You won’t forget it.

This brought to mind a poem I read in Mad Magazine about a thousand years ago that, for some reason, I memorized and never forgot. I may be off by a word or two, but it went like this:

    1. Whenever o’er the waves I sail,


    1. Going down, and going up,


    1. You’ll always find me by the rail,


             Getting sick and throwing up.


Filed under Chimpy, humor, John Bolton, Karl Rove, Media, parody, politics, Republicans, Sarah Palin, snark, television, United Nations, Wordpress Political Blogs

19 responses to “Ship of Tools

  1. Friend of the court

    pass out the barf bags. I can’t imagine anything good comming from that bunch or the folks who would consider being stuck on a boat with them. The Sloop JohnB would no longer be the worst trip…..

    • barf bags would never be big enough. i wonder if the mediterranean is large enough to contain all the chunks that will be spewed. they should change the name of the ship to the titanic. nah, even that trip would have been more pleasant.

  2. I don’t suppose you’re aware that the 2007 National Review cruise went to Alaska, where the high mucky-mucks were charmed by Princess Sarah.

    Since they’re in the Mediterranian, they aren’t likely to find any more potential candidates during visits ashore. Good thing, too.

    • ewwww, i gagged reading that! i would go on a conservative alaksan cruise, but only in the winter, so that, when i jumped overboard, death would come quickly in the icy water.

  3. Somali pirates!
    Noro Virus!

    May they have quite the adven-cha!

    Still, going off to exotic FOREIGN places.
    Isn’t that Anti American?
    They should be driving gas guzzling GM SUV’s , paying $4 bucks a gallon & posing in front of Mt. Rushmore, or even Disney world (they had to lay off Mickey & Goofy there for a while due to lack of economy).

    Bon Voyage….. Loose lips sink ships, Karl!

  4. jeb

    Reciting poetry from Mad? That’s great stuff. How about some of this (not actually from Mad but appropo of what this cruise might be like):

    Alone, alone, all, all alone,
    Alone on a wide wide sea !
    And never a saint took pity on
    My soul in agony.

    The many men, so beautiful !
    And they all dead did lie :
    And a thousand thousand slimy things
    Lived on ; and so did I.

    I looked upon the rotting sea,
    And drew my eyes away ;
    I looked upon the rotting deck,
    And there the dead men lay.

    I looked to heaven, and tried to pray ;
    But or ever a prayer had gusht,
    A wicked whisper came, and made
    My heart as dry as dust.

    • jeb! 😀
      i’ve been wondering where you’ve been!

      that’s a lovely poem (i had to google to see who wrote it, because i know nothing about poetry that’s not out of mad magazine). i think those listed in the article fall under the slimy things category.

      • jeb

        Yes the slimy things would refer to Rove & co.

        What, you didn’t have to read The Rime of the Ancient Mariner in high school? We did it in the 11th grade.

        I love Coleridge and Poe. Those hop-heads could really write.

        • yeah, we had to read it in high school (i vaguely remember an albatross). i was never a poetry buff. howevah, i loved edgar allen poe, even his poetry. funny thing is that english and math were my best subjects. i aced english, even when we were studying poetry. i even liked dissecting the poems we read. however, i had to make room in my brain for new stuff, so i promptly erased all the poetry i read in high school, as well as some of the novels (i’m lookin’ at you moby dick!).

  5. I would look forward to Rummy, ChickenDick, Gonzo, Yoo and Co. taking a nice offshore trip where they can get picked up and put on trial he same way Pinochet did in England. Love them treaties !

  6. BLLLLARRRRRFFFF!! *ptooo! ptoooo!*

    How gag-worthy. Who in the hell would actually spend money for that? That cruise in itself is a form of torture.

  7. The people boarding this ship of fools are the same types who bitched because Obama took his wife to NYC to see a play and have dinner.
    “Such extravagance,” they sneered.
    Yeah, well, in this case I hope Somali pirates hijack the ship and make Rove squeal like a pig.
    On You Tube.

  8. i can only imagine that Karl will be spending a lot of time with the “crew”