That’s Life….as in sentence! (and other news)

From Courthouse News Service:

A federal judge sentenced convicted Wall Street swindler Bernard Madoff to 150 years in prison for orchestrating the largest and most sweeping Ponzi scheme in history. Scattered applause broke out in the crowded courtroom after the judge issued the maximum sentence to the disgraced 71-year-old.

U.S. District Judge Denny Chin rejected a request by Madoff’s lawyer for leniency and said he disagreed that victims of the scheme were seeking “mob vengeance.”

Chin called Madoff’s crimes “extraordinarily evil,” and said it “was not merely a bloodless crime that takes place on paper but one that takes a staggering human toll.” He said the maximum sentence was important for deterrence.

Madoff addressed the victims before he was sentenced, apologizing to them and to his family.

…snip…

He said he lives “in a tormented state now, knowing all the pain and suffering I’ve created.”

Were you that tormented before you got caught, Bernie? You know, when you were living in your penthouses and mansions and living the life of a king?

Madoff finally addressed the victims, saying, “I will turn and face you. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t help you.”

…snip…

Last week, Madoff was ordered to forfeit more than $170 billion to settle with the government. The order stripped him and his wife, Ruth, of all their personal property, including real estate, investments and $80 million in assets Ruth claimed were hers. She was left with $2.5 million after the order.

She was ordered to sell their estate in Palm Beach, Fla., a home in Montauk and the $7.5 million Manhattan apartment where she currently lives.

She should be left as destitute as her husband left his clients. Thankfully, this ain’t over yet.

In totally unrelated news…

For those who are old enough to remember, Farfel the talking dog used to sing the Nestle jingle. It went like this:


However, back in those days, we lived in caves and didn’t have anything fun to do other than rewrite tv commercial jingles. The new version went like this:

N-E-S-T-L-E-S … What comes out of your a-s-s? … chaaawwwwwclate.

As it turns out, we were not only clever little lyricists, but prescient as well! From THE CONSUMERIST:

USA Today is reporting that the FDA is “stumped” by the presence of E. coli 0157:H7 in Nestle Tollhouse Cookie Dough, which was recalled last week. How does bacteria normally associated with raw ground beef find its way into our buckets of delicious cookie dough?

…snip…

E. coli sickness is usually the result of eating contaminated beef, especially ground beef, so it’s left everyone confused how this could happen in cookie dough. Bill Marler, a food safety lawyer who has litigated prominent E. coli cases offers, and rebuts, some hypotheses:

E. coli can contaminate milk; Wikipedia notes that it can get into milk from the udder or processing machines. It’s unlikely that Nestle was using raw milk, though, and pasteurization would kill the bacteria.

E. coli can also be spread through poor hygiene by someone with the bacteria in his system (say by eating undercooked hamburger). An employee who didn’t wash his hands after coming into contact with contaminated feces or anuses might be the source, but Marler doubts that it was an employee, given the size of the outbreak (illnesses have been reported in 29 states).

Marler notes that your typical dirty processing culprits, rats and mice, might have spread the bacteria, but warns that “always be aware that somewhere in the background likely lurks a cow.”

And while some may be tossing their cookies (from E. coli or from Marky Mark Sanford’s true confessions), there was good new today, too:

ST. PAUL, Minn., June 30 (Reuters) – Republican Norm Coleman on Tuesday conceded the tightly contested race for Minnesota’s U.S. Senate seat and congratulated Democrat Al Franken after a protracted recount.

24 Comments

Filed under 2008 election, Democrats, FDA, humor, movies, Norm Coleman, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, Senate, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

24 responses to “That’s Life….as in sentence! (and other news)

  1. Thank goodness that Senate race is over!! Congrats to Al!

    What will e. coli hit next? It better not be Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia!

    • ynb,
      i thought it would never be over. i can’t wait until al takes the oath of office (and for bill0’s and rushbo’s heads to explode).

      i don’t know what e. coli will hit next, but hopefully it will be something that the companies will be able to fit into their advertising. for example, cauliflower. just a little tweaking of the labels, and it’s e. coliflower. 😀

  2. In Madoff’s defense I beleive he is sorry for all of the people’s pain and suffering he caused especially since that pain and suffering now reflects his own pain and suffering. Still, I bet that sack of excrement lives to be 250 years old jsut out of spite.

    As for Franken and Coleman: YAY FRANKEN!

    • i don’t think he’s sorry for anyone but himself and maybe his family. any tears he sheds will be for himself. even if he lives to be 250, he won’t experience enough pain and suffering to undo what he did to other people. even in jail, he will have privileges that others don’t get.

      • I agree, I was merely trying to be cute by saying in other words that he’s only really sorry for those he scammed because he got caught. lol

        • i love when these high-falutin’ assholes are exposed and shown to be just as common as any other criminal. what will the folks at the country club say? oh wait, they can’t afford to be in the country club since they invested with bernie!

  3. Bernie, Nestle’s and Normie — these posters are killing me. Outhouse cookies, oh no you diin’t. Bernie is a first rate schmuck. His family who enabled, co-conspired and probably are hiding some of th ebooty are scumbags too and should spend their days in the hoosegow with Bernie. Wifey ain’t azackly breaking my effing heart either !!!

    • bernie, nestle, and normie–sounds like a folksinging group! bernie needs to be punished, and normie needs a job. maybe they should be food tasters. 💡

  4. Madoff won’t be serving time in some country club, white collar prison, so the inmates at his prison will be savvy enough to know who he is and what he did.
    When word gets out, his saggy old butt’s gonna get the same treatment as his clientele got.
    I give him 2 years before he croaks.

    • he won’t go to a country club, but he’ll have a cell to himself. they won’t allow the other inmates to get to a high profile prisoner like him. he’ll probably have his meals in his cell, too. i doubt he’ll see anyone other than the guards, except for ruthie when she visits.

  5. That was some fancy stepping for the segways into all 3 topic headlines.

    Bernie: Rot in prison & don’t let the wifey live in the lap of luxury either. Stolen money is stolen money!

    Yet another Tainted product: WTF…. Great graphic- and who could resist the “tossing your cookies” reference?

    Franken: Finally! But as I posted today before we put on our party hats…. that republican proof filibuster relies upon Independents–
    Joe Effing Lieberman
    Bernie Sanders
    & Turncoat Arlen Specter a recent Dem convert.

    *puts party hat down*

    • hey fran!
      i have to type fast, because my internets connection keeps going down every 5 friggin’ minutes (i hate comcast!!!).

      i always blog while wearing my dancing shoes. it helps with the fancy stepping. 😉 there are some days when there are just too many important stories to cover.

      i hope bernie and ruthie never have another happy or peaceful day for the rest of their miserable lives. let’s hope that $2.5 mil can’t buy happiness.

      i love doing food product parodies. pretty soon, i should have enough for my own little supermarket.

      i am so thrilled that al will finally be seated. i’ve learned not to rely on many of the so-called dems in congress, but i will celebrate al’s win nonetheless. i don’t think he’s the type to be at the beck and call of big money.

  6. Hey Nonnie –

    Just got a chance to drop by and say Hi, but don’t have much time to chat as I have some cookies baking in the oven…

    Sandy

  7. jeb

    Bernie, I’d shed a tear but I don’t feel like poking myself in the eye.

    I wondered why these cookies tasted like shit.

    Finally, Al has arrived and there is some real talent (not that Mo asshole Jim) in the Senate!

    • jeb,
      just don’t poke yourself in the eye with a tainted cookie.

      i’m trying to think quickly before i lose my internets again, but i can’t figure out who that mo asshole jim is. i know that i will kick myself as soon as you clue me in.

  8. I never noticed before but Ruth is kind of attractive. Now that hubby is out of the way, she might need someone to share her 2.5 million with. Maybe I’ll give her a call…

    • we all know how irresistible you are to the ladies, tannerleah. i say go for it. what better punishment for bernie than to know his ruthie is melting in the arms of the greatest ladies’ man evah?

  9. NonnieChocolateChip,
    Just got online again so dropped by to say Hi, butt have no time to chat as I have eaten all the cookies…
    Gotta run!

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