While Rethuglican TV pundits try to make Palinade out of the lemons Princess Sarah threw them by resigning the governorship of Alaska, there were others who were most likely celebrating. Yeah, I’m talking about the 2012 presidential hopefuls. Good thing they still have the backroom at Denny’s they were partying in when John Ensign and Sparky Marky Mark Sanford put their political ambitions to bed right after they did the same to their mistresses .
(Reuters) – Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said on Friday she will resign this month and will not run for re-election as governor amid speculation that she will seek the Republican party’s nomination for president in 2012.
Palin was Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s running mate in last year’s election and rallied the party’s conservative base.
Following is a list of Republicans seen as potential candidates for their party’s nomination in 2012.
Original movie poster
Haley I Have a Girl’s Name Barbour:
The governor of Mississippi is seen as a party power broker. He was chairman of the Republican National Committee and last month was named chairman of the Republican Governors Association.
Wowza! Two breaks in one week! He became chairman of the RGA, because Sparky Marky Mark resigned after getting his dinky stinky, and now the 2012 field is narrowed, because Winky is up to something hinky!
Willard Mittsie Who Let the Dogs Out Romney:
The former governor of Massachusetts came in second to eventual 2008 Republican nominee McCain.
Tim Little Timmy Pawlenty::
The governor of Minnesota announced last month he would not stand for another term. The decision was seen by some as giving Pawlenty more latitude to pursue a presidential bid.
Little Timmy couldn’t be in the movie, because he’s still pissed off about having to sign the certification that makes Al Franken the official junior senator from Minnesota. Plus, he’s still wringing his hanky over poor, poor Jenny Sanford’s plight.
Bobby Don’t Call Me Kenneth The Exorcist Jindal:
One of the nation’s youngest governors, Louisiana’s 38-year-old chief executive is seen as a rising star in the party and is a favorite of conservatives. A high-profile, televised speech Jindal gave in February was criticized as lackluster.
Lackluster? It was friggin’ hilarious!!
Newt I Was Named After a Fig Cookie Gingrich:
The prominent former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, who is from Georgia, is widely admired by conservatives for his role in helping to end 40 years of Democratic majorities in the House in 1994.
The only thing prominent about Newtie is his big fat gut hanging over his belt!
Mike Chuckleberry Huckabee:
The former governor of Arkansas excited the party’s evangelical base during his run for the Republican nomination in 2008. He now has his own cable TV show.
His own cable TV show and dating Chuck Norris? He’s a shoo-in!
John Who the Fuck Is John Thune Thune:
The Republican senator from South Dakota ranks high with many conservatives.
Sorry, but you can’t win when your last name makes you sound like you have a lisp.