I don’t know about you, kids, but I’m worried sick over Princess Sarah Palin’s future now that she’s
told the people of Alaska to go f#¢k themselves stepped down from the governorship of Alaska. It’s been keeping me up nights, and since there’s not a damned thing on TV in the middle of the night other than informercials and commercials for wee-wee extenders, I’ve come up with a plan for her. First, she needs to have one last hurrah amongst her most fervent supporters. They include Bill Kristol (who likes to use parentheses), Elisabeth I’ll Tell You My View as Soon as I Get the Fax Hasselbeck, Rich I Touch Myself Lowry, Rush The Boss Limbaugh, and Greta I Am So Friggin’ in Love with Todd Van Susteren. Of course, Captain Underpants John McCain will have to show up, because he can’t admit he was wrong in choosing her for his running mate. Once the adulation is over, though, it’s off to the Princess Protection Program!
The next time you’re on the phone with Deadeye Dick Cheney, perhaps you can ask to borrow one of those undisclosed locations he’s no longer using. It’ll make you feel all veepy! And don’t worry, Princess Sarah, you won’t be alone. Not only have I selected someone with whom I know you will love communicating
since you both speak Batshit Crazy fluently , but someone who can school you on the dangers of things like the census and any other kind of conspiracy she can think up.
Of course, it won’t be a one-way street. While
Batshit Michele Bachmann is teaching you about all that stuff, you can teach her how to fish for all those fish swimming against the flow in full makeup.
To be continued…