Witless Protection Program, Part 2

In Part 1, we saw how the Princess Protection Program put Princess Sarah Palin in an undisclosed location along with her friend and political tutor, Batshit Michele Bachmann. After a couple of years of fishing and conspiracy theorizing and studying the names of magazines and newspapers just in case Katie Couric asks Princess those tricky questions again, the dynamic duo of dodoheads is almost ready to reenter the public arena. All that’s left to do is a royal makeover.

Original book cover.

With her RNC credit card in hand, Princess can visit her favorite shops for designer clothes and charge a mere $165,000 for hair and makeup. Next stop, the Republican National Convention to claim her title of heir to the throne. (Ooh! Princess Sarah can be Queen Esther while Sparky Marky Mark plays King David!)

Original book cover.

With her new clothes, hairstyles, and enough patriotic jewelry strewn across her chest that she could make the most decorated military man envious and her tutor and intellectual soulmate at her side, who knows what her next stop might be…

Original book cover.

It’s the stuff of which princesses’ dreams and the rest of the world’s nightmares are made.


Filed under 2008 election, Books, humor, Katie Couric, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Ronald Reagan, Sarah Palin, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

42 responses to “Witless Protection Program, Part 2

  1. These stupid twits have caused my head to explode on numerous occasions so I think another couple of years, or more, of both will kill me. KILL ME, I TELLS YA!

    • i wonder when the country will get over the reality-show mentality and realize that governing the country is something that’s serious and, yes, boring. it’s not a disney movie, and it’s not about who they can pluck out of central casting to play the part of a character that the 24/7 news cycle will like.

      • Nonnie, I keep reading her supporter’s expectations of Palin and this is what I read over and over again, that they don’t care what she knows or if she knows anything, they care more that she’s a good person, meaning qualifications are secondary or even tertiary for these people if they think she’s a good, moral and religious person. WTF? I wonder if they’d use that same logic for a dentist or auto mechanic or cancer specialist? I seriously doubt it. They care more about the qualifications of some diesel grease monkey more than they do about those of the POTUS. It’s scary and hypocritical, to say the very least. I know those people say they trust in god, but I also know they look both ways when crossing the street. As usual, they want it both ways, all the time, as long as it is in their favor. Fucknuts.

        • zirgar,
          what i don’t get is why anyone thinks that she’s a good person. why does being religious translate to being a good person? what good deeds has she ever done without personally profiting from them either financially or politically? they think she’s a good person for squeezing out so many kids, but they ignore the fact that she never displays an ounce of warmth toward any of them. her followers don’t care about any of that. they see what they want to see.

          • That’s a mystery to me, too. She’s always come off as a snotty pissy asshole.

            I think they like her ‘down hominess” and that she has in spades.

            • i stumbled upon morning joe today, and i almost threw up. the idiots were sitting around and gushing over princess and how nobody has ever seen anyone like her before. huh? i’ve seen and worked with dozens of people just like her. the idiot tv talking heads are fascinated, because they live in the same damned bubble that the politicians do. if they actually went out into the real world, they’d discover that the world is filled with phony opportunistic narcissists who are lazy and not very bright.

  2. arrrrgh is right, the cutesie faces and endless mugging these two engage in make them look like characters on some hideous Disney tv show with milfy moms hanging around the teen boys…you can see Russia from a map in Alaska you know…

    • it would be one thing if they said outrageous things just to get attention, like ann coultergeist. these two actually believe the shit that comes out of their mouths (not counting the family crap that princess sarah uses so she can make believe she’s outraged). as though that’s not scary enough, there are actually people who vote for them!

  3. Pretty pitchers! Hoboes love Sarah! We invited her to the Obamaville hobo jungle for some hobo stew! After 7 million lose their jobs, the hobo party has a lot of potential new voters!

  4. Nonnnie – If you check his link there’s a tongue in cheeky schtick that has an air of manifest grievance in between its attempts to play the jolly but wronged teabagger. Methinks el hobo and co recycle their teabags as it were.

  5. After suffering through 8 years of George Bush’s bumbling & painful idiotic blunder (remember that dazed/WTF??? look people in a crowd would get when ol’ George spoke? It would kind of morph from WTF? to a kind of *get the straight jacket* horrified expression.

    Palin added a whole new brand of crazy– which was great for Tina Fey’s comedic career- but that circus freak element of the sayin’ of the words in that forced folksy jargon, and don’t get me started on the winking & the blinking. Ugh!

    • if only it was just teh crazy. instead, it was laziness and ignorance and faux feminism. she was ignorant of the issues, and instead of studying, she tried to flirt her way into office. then she complained that people picked on her, because she’s a woman. on top of all that, she’s just not very bright. she would lose a debate to a high schooler. interviewers should be embarrassed for not eviscerating her at every opportunity. she wasn’t running for the vice presidency of the pta. the fate of the country could have been in her incompetent hands. it was the media’s job to take her to task, and they didn’t do it.

      • I put all of the above in the *crazy* category…. but inept, unqualified, and insult to our intelligence all apply.
        Charles Gibson opened a web site before he interviewed her & asked what people wanted him to ask in the interview…. the resounding response was *no fluff*, no softball– we don;t want to hear about her beauty queen history or Todd snow machine crap… ask real/hard questions.
        He threw her the *Bush Doctrine* question that was the first bombshell….. she replied *in what way???*… basically revealing she had no clue.
        Katie Couric was relentless in asking the tough questions like *what newspapers do you read*… but she asked how seeing Russia qualifies her for foreign relations, sending Sarah into a verbal tap dance that virtually was a comedy routine. Remember Tina Fey ofter just used Palins words verbatim for her SNL skits.

        It was funny if not so mortifyingly scary!

        • it was great entertainment, but real journalists will leave politeness behind and push for answers on the important stuff. they threw her nothing but softballs, and she still looked like a moron. they should have struck her out.

  6. Dusty

    Magnifique! I love the whole series. Batshit Bachmann would be the perfect partner for the grifter known as Princess Palin. πŸ˜‰

    • thanks dusty! πŸ˜€
      i accidentally found the series at amazon, and i couldn’t resist. i thought batshit bachmann would make the perfect sidekick.

  7. This is so perfect, nonnie! Awesome! It’s like Crazy and Crazier but they there are times when they could switch places. Bachmann I think has a slight edge on the crazy (just look at those eyes). But I’d be willing to be they’re both certifiable.

    Oh what a gift that ticket would be. Can you imagine, entertainment-wise? Holy crap!

    • hey helen! πŸ™‚
      i think that batshit bachmann has cornered the market on teh crazy. i don’t think princess is crazy at all. i think she’s a selfish, self-centered, lazy asshole.

  8. I’m still giggling at your characterizations (and your commenters’ too, of course) of those two feminine diseases.

    Let’s hope “witless protection” doesn’t get any more government contracts.

    Thanks for your terrific reporting!


    • hi suzan! πŸ™‚
      2 feminine diseases! πŸ˜† the comments are the most entertaining things here. i have very funny, very smart visitors. you are included in that group, of course.

  9. Allow me a stupid (?) question: are they voted in?

  10. Nice being aboard, Nonnie! Great company here.

    I was thinking about that type of “feminist,” who gives us all a bad name (with the largely unlearned.

    It will never change until the educated – and I’m not talking Soviet-style here – ones among us speak up and out the pretenders just as readily as we out the males.

    Just sayin’,


    No sisterhood for them.

    • we are very happy to have you here, suzan. πŸ™‚

      no sisterhood for them, indeed. i’m not crazy about characterizations, but she and her ilk are not feminists under any definition. there are many different kinds of feminists, but i think the thread that runs through every definition is supporting other women. when you make rape victims pay for their own rape kits, and when you don’t give a damn about mothers with starving children and no homes, and when you don’t care about people with no health insurance, then you’re not a feminist. you’re just a shitty human being.

  11. It is gonna be a long hot summer of Palin’ around

    • i’m thinking that she’s not going to be the media darling for much longer. it’s going to be the same old shit time and time again, until even the media is bored with her. if she shows up in the news, it will be for a new jerry springer show type scandal. she’s done her shtick for a bit too long now, and i think her time is almost up. she’s made herself even more irrelevant than she already was.

  12. Palin-Bachman 2012?

    Are they taking volunteers for Mars flights? I kind of want to be off-world for that campaign.

  13. fofo