Yearly Archives: 2009

Like a Whiny Stoned Cowboy

B-Rod, in his own words:

I’m here to explain my position about the proceedings that are beginning on Monday, and explain some of the thinking behind the decision that I made and give you some insight on it.

Let me say that this is not an act of defiance; in fact, just the opposite. But there are huge, big issues at stake with regard to the proceedings starting on Monday, specifically with regard to the rules and the process that those proceedings provide for.

…snip…

Specifically, I’m talking about two rules — Rule 15F, which by all intents and purposes prevents me from calling in witnesses like presidential Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, from top presidential staffer Valerie Jarrett, from Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. and a whole series of other witnesses that I would eagerly call to testify under oath to show that I have done nothing inappropriate with regard to the decision to pick a United States senator.

…snip…

But even if I could call those witnesses, the more onerous rule is Rule 8B. Rule 8B essentially says that the charges that the House bring in a report — that was not cross-examined, not challenged, not confronted — that those very charges cannot be challenged, cannot be contested, cannot be refuted.

…snip…

Now, I like old movies and I like old cowboy movies, and I want to explain how these rules work in a more understandable way. There was an old saying in the Old West. There was a cowboy who was charged with stealing a horse in town. And some of the other cowboys, especially the guy whose horse was stolen, were very unhappy with that guy. And one of the cowboys said, “Let’s hang him.” Then the other cowboys said, “Hold on. Before we hang him, let’s first give him a fair trial. Then we’ll hang him.” Under these rules, I’m not even getting a fair trial. They’re just hanging me. And when they hang me under these rules, that prevent due process, they’re hanging the 12 million people of Illinois who twice have elected a governor.

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Filed under Dennis Hastert, humor, Idaho, Imus, Media Matters, movies, Mr. Whipple, parody, Pat Roberts, politics, Pope, SCHIP, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs, World Bank

End of the Caro-line

From U.S.News & World Report

By the time Caroline Kennedy finally announced she wanted to be New York’s junior senator, her bid to replace Hillary Clinton was already in serious trouble.

From the start, it appeared like the Kennedy camp was pushing her to go for a job she was not sure she wanted.

Instead of a grand rollout befitting the daughter of John F. Kennedy, word of her possible interest in the post leaked out in dribs and drabs.

When Gov. Paterson, the person with the sole power to make the appointment, first spoke to Kennedy on Dec. 3 about the Senate job, he came away from the telephone conversation unsure if she even wanted it.


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Filed under Barack Obama, Democrats, Hillary Clinton, humor, Michael Bloomberg, movies, New York City, parody, politics, Senate, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

GOP: Gratutitously Obstructing Progress

From the Los Angeles Times:

The Senate overwhelmingly approved the nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton as President Obama’s secretary of State on Wednesday, after a one-day delay forced by Republicans who wanted to continue debating her husband’s overseas fundraising activities.

The delay had the effect of denying Clinton a confirmation vote on Inauguration Day, when six other Cabinet members were approved. But Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas), who sought the delay, praised Clinton’s abilities Wednesday and voted in favor. She was confirmed 94 to 2.

The only votes against her came from Sen. David Vitter (R-La.), who favored further restrictions on donations to Bill Clinton’s foundation, and Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), who cited concern about her support for abortion rights.


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Filed under abortion, Arlen Specter, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Chuck Grassley, David Vitter, Democrats, Hillary Clinton, humor, John Cornyn, John McCain, Jon Kyl, Mary Landrieu, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Senate, snark, State Department, Wordpress Political Blogs

(He Thinks We Just Misunderaugurated Him!)

From the Los Angeles Times:

The choreography was smooth and the smiles were gracious, but all the same, George W. Bush’s exit from Washington carried a measure of pain.

Not enough to pay him back for all the pain he caused us the last 8 years!

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Filed under 2008 election, Chimpy, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, humor, Laura Bush, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Texas, Wordpress Political Blogs

The New Kids in Town

As of noon today, Chimpy and Deadeye Dick are no longer in charge. We made it, kids. Eight long years, but it looks like we’ve finally been….

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Filed under 2008 election, Barack Obama, Chimpy, Constitution, Democrats, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, humor, Joe Biden, John Roberts, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Tom Daschle, Wordpress Political Blogs

Good Riddance

Noon tomorrow, kids. The Chimpy Preznitzy officially ends at noon tomorrow. Can you believe it’s almost over?
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Filed under 2008 election, Andrew Card, Barack Obama, Chimpy, Condoleezza Rice, Congress, Dana Perino, George W. Bush, humor, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

Stupid Has Left the Station, All Aboard the Train of Thought

From Forbes:

President-elect Barack Obama’s historical whistle stop tour to Washington has gotten under way after an enthusiastic send-off from Philadelphia, the cradle of American democracy.


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Filed under 2008 election, Alberto Gonzales, Barack Obama, Chimpy, Condoleezza Rice, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, George W. Bush, Gonzogate, Harriet Miers, humor, Joe Biden, John Ashcroft, Karl Rove, Kyle Sampson, Monica Goodling, movies, parody, Philadelphia, politics, Republicans, Sara Taylor, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs