Such a Small Tent, But So Many Circus Acts


Glenn Beck, the Fox News personality and chalkboard scrawling libertarian hero, gave the marquee speech Saturday night at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington.

Swapping out a teleprompter for his famous chalkboard, Beck wowed the faithful with an hour-long presentation that defended conservatism, praised the Founding Fathers and lampooned Washington, D.C. as an addict in need of immediate treatment. He looked to history to predict that without an immediate course correction and reduction of the federal budget deficit, America is headed for “an economic holocaust.”

Original DVD cover
(left to right: Glenn Blechhh, Batshit Michele Bachmann, Newt xGangrenex Gingrich, Mike I-Shop-In-Iraq! Pence)

Beck began by praising Ronald Reagan, whose famous campaign ad “Morning in America” envisioned America’s best days as still being ahead. “It is still morning in America,” Beck said. “It just happens to be kind of a head-pounding, hung-over, vomiting for four hours kind of morning in America. And it’s shaping up to be kind of a nasty day, but it is still morning in America.”
Beck blamed Washington politicians for the country’s poor condition, and accused both parties of growing the size of government, spending beyond the country’s means, tolerating corruption, and embracing an array of liberal policy prescriptions that he equated with a cancer in American society.

Republicans, he said, are just as guilty as Democrats. “It’s not enough just to not suck as much as the other side,” he said.

Ah, cmon, Glennie, don’t shortchange your buddies. They suck much, much more than the other side!

The Republicans’ problem, he said, is the same as Democrats’ problem — an addiction to spending, a willingness to place the judgment of the government ahead of the rights of individuals, and an interest in picking winners and losers, with the winners being big banks and irresponsible corporations, and the losers being small businesses and individuals.

“As I read the Constitution, the only job the U.S. government has is to save us from bad guys,” he said. “And right now it seems to me the government looks at us as the bad guy.”

A couple of things here, Glennie. First, by irresponsible corporations, do you mean places like Goldline? You know, your choice for gold! Second, we all know you’ve never read the Constitution in your life, and even if you did, you’d never understand it.

In addition to out-of-control spending and power-hungry politicians, Beck said the country’s lack of international competitiveness is endangering the future of the economy. […] “Economic holocaust is coming. I’m trying to get you to save your money. […]”

Enough with the word, holocaust. Just stop it.

Finally, Beck said that the country can avoid calamity if it returns to its roots as a democracy that embraces individual freedoms, allows people to succeed and fail on their own, and finds a way to live within its means.

Translation: “I’m a ridiculous, lazy moron, but I was lucky (it certainly wasn’t brains) and make lots of money. I got mine, so screw you.”

During the three-day gathering, conference attendees heard from other all-stars of the political right, and no fewer than five Republican presidential hopefuls for 2012. One of them, Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.), won the CPAC straw poll with 31 percent of the vote. Former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney came in second with 22 percent, and Sarah Palin came in a distant third, with 7 percent.
Also speaking to the 10,000-plus attendees: Dick Armey, Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter, and Andrew Breitbart, the founder of, as well as congressional darlings of the conservative movement such as Reps. Mike Pence (R-Ind.) and Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, and Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.).

Those at Beck’s presentation leapt to their feet in applause at many points during the program, including for the introduction of Beck’s famous chalk board. “It’s sick,” he joked. “When a chalkboard gets a standing ovation.”

And it’s sick when someone with a lower I.Q. than the chalk gets one, too.


Filed under Ann Coulter, Constitution, Corruption, Democrats, Fox News, Glenn Beck, humor, Iraq War, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, parody, politics, Republicans, Ron Paul, Ronald Reagan, Sarah Palin, snark, television

37 responses to “Such a Small Tent, But So Many Circus Acts

  1. writechic

    First a little more ambience for the little circus of pasty, fat old guys…and mAnn Coulter πŸ™‚

    There’s so much wrong with what Beck says, it’d take volumes to sort it all out. But it boils down to what you said, Nonnie. I got lucky and make lots of money. Screw everybody else.

    Can you imagine the shudders from corporate Republicans when Beck mentioned small business? That’s just a lie on his part, of course. He works for one of the biggest money making media enterprises in the world. He got his. And he doesn’t give a fat, flying @#$% about the rest. If he did, he’d never sign up to do business with the gold sharks preying on the stupid.

    • writechic

      P.S. I’m painting tonight…not writing. πŸ™‚

      • i was going to say that your video selection was wonderful and that i could almost smell the sawdust (at the circus, not the sawdust in glenn blechhh’s head), and then it got all weird, and i got scared! 😯

        p.s. what are you painting? artistic stuff or the walls?

  2. “…head-pounding, hung-over, vomiting for four hours kind of morning in America.”

    Is it just me, or does that description sound like it is coming from someone who has some first hand experience with really, really bad hangovers?

    Anyway….I still can’t get over the fact the people are seeing something (anything!) in Mitt Romney. He scares me.

    • hi don!

      glenn blechhh is a recovering alcoholic. like chimpy and a lot of other dry drunks, he found a new addiction in religion. instead of the usual fundamental christianity, blechhh became a mormon. as for “head-pounding, hung-over, vomiting for four hours,” that’s how i feel every time i see glenn blechhh.

      don’t be scared of mittsie. he always does well in cpac polls, but when push comes to shove, he never gets the nod. even if he wasn’t a mormon, the used car salesman persona is not exactly endearing.

      all this mormon talk reminded me that big love is on in 13 minutes. love that show!

      p.s. you don’t visit often enough, don. i love when you stop by.

      • The best analogy to what Chimpy, Blech, and others of their ilk did with religion comes from ibonewits on the Big Orange. Many years ago, in his book “Real Magic,” he described the original Jesus People as replacing their drug addictions with religion thusly. “Instead of shooting up smack or speed, they tear a page out of the Bible, melt it, and shoot that up. ”

        As for Mitt, he’s the biggest stuffed shirt I’ve ever seen in GOP politics and I’ve been following politics for more than 40 years (yes, I was interested in politics when I was a boy; I was precocious that way). He consistently believes in only two things, the freedom of money and himself. Everything else is up for negotiation.

        • there is nobody as inflexible as a new convert to any religion. when you add addiction to the mix, the inflexibility is much more long-lasting.

          the problem with mittsie is that he thinks he’s royalty. he comes from money, and he thinks rules don’t apply to him. he didn’t have to go to war, and neither do his princes…i mean, sons. i bet he’s never been in a supermarket in his life, unless it was on a campaign stop. he has no clue what it’s like to have to worry about how to pay the electric bill or how to get one of his kids medical care.

          • The odd part is that his dad, who was Governor of Michigan, was a decent guy. It didn’t get passed down to his son.

            • maybe because his father had to actually work for a living. mittsie had everything handed to him on a silver platter. mittsie thinks he’s entitled to be president, and i think people see that and don’t like it.

  3. The mind-blowing irrelevance of CPAC is very well demonstrated by that straw poll. Ron Paul won?


    That’s the same Ron Paul who could scarcely break double-digits anywhere in the 2008 primary?

    I don’t think that they’ve exactly got their fingers on the pulse of the nation.

  4. The dog & pony show has packed up and left town. Should we tell the rodeo clown he’s not pc, they call themselves bull fighters these days. And you were right, the all got their panties in a knot at Kos and are still going at it. Never realized there were so many hermephrodites out there. No one bitched when Conan did it just like when Southpark had the image of Mohammed in Superfriends. What outrage?

    • not hemaphrodites, transgender people. the reason that keith was wrong is that, instead of insulting ann coulter, he insulted a group of people whom ann coulter bashes every opportunity she gets. there’s plenty of legitimate things to insult that shrew about, so why use something that’s not true?

      i wonder what was left behind in the hotel rooms when all the cpac-ers left. i’ll bet the family values people partied it up pretty good.

  5. KO goes for the tainted easy meat and gets his very own sharkskin jump rope for home use.

    With all the other sturdy clubs to ‘baby seal’ Coulter with – cheapjack performance artist of turgid Right-wing fantasies, surrealistically unfunny comedy writer, vote fraudster – gender innuendo is the balsa wood baton in the bag that leaves the user with unpleasant and hard-to-explain splinters. Live and learn.

    But at least we have Circus Nonnie! Yay!


  6. The freakfest is over…. or is it?

    They lampoon themselves with their misspelled words on chalkboards.

    Next up the televised health care summit.

    I wish the agenda header read:
    “So do we just let people die, or what?”…..
    the the GOP speak first.

    • the second thing on the agenda should be: who is willing to give up their government-run health care that covers themselves and their families and go look for private insurance that will cover their preexisting conditions? no, make that the third thing. the second thing is that they all have to pin badges on themselves with the dollar amount of how much campaign money they’ve taken from the insurance industry and big pharma.

  7. “an addict in need of immediate treatment.”

    I wish my father were still with us. He was active in AA for the last 22 years of his life and he could spot both dry drunks and fakes within the movement like nobody’s business. I’d like to hear what he’d have to say about Blech. Nothing good, I’m sure.

    Speaking of conventions of right-wing types, here’s something from Newsweek about the Tea Party Convention.
    Black Helicopters Over Nashville
    Never mind Sarah Palin and the tricornered hats. The tea-party movement is dominated by conspiracist kooks.

    Thought you should know about that one.

    • Oh, and the teabaggers deserve a video for that one.

    • makes you wonder why the dems and even the rethugs are kowtowing to these fruitcakes instead of denouncing them every time they get near a microphone. are they going to run scared of the fringy few or stand up to them? if they can’t even confront the crazies, why should we believe that they will stand up to enemies of this country or even lobbyists?

  8. I’m not sure what you have against Beck. If you think about it for even a second (or even better, for only a second) it’s clear that he’s right.

    • if you think glenn blechhh is correct, then you are far too brainwashed or stupid for me to bother to respond to you. if that’s not the case and your website is snark, then you are the most adept satirist in the world and far too crafty for me. in either case, take it somewhere else.

  9. Joanaroo

    That convention makes me wish those B-52s with the missiles that flew from Minnesota to Louisiana would have flown over this with a small warhead and “OOPS! Did we just lose something off the plane?”. =)

  10. erica

    I like this Post =]