What Can Brown Do For You, Capt. Underpants?

From The Boston Globe:

PHOENIX – US Senator Scott Brown, driving past palm trees and American flags, brought his political star power to Arizona today to stump for the 2008 GOP standard-bearer, John McCain.


McCain is locked in one of his toughest reelection fights of his career, and was hoping Brown could bolster his conservative credentials. McCain’s chief opponent in the Republican primary, former congressman and talk radio personality J.D. Hayworth, has been criticizing McCain as too liberal for Arizona.

Original DVD cover

Both Brown and McCain railed against President Obama’s health care plan, and the possibility that Congressional Democrats will attempt to pass it through a reconciliation budget process.

“Scott and I just returned form [sic] trying to do the Lord’s work in the house of Satan,” McCain told the crowd. McCain called the plan “Chicago-style sausage making,” and said, “We’re going to fight, and fight, and fight.”

Hmmm, what is it, Capt. Underpants, that makes you think of sausage when Nekkid Scotty is around? And then fantasies of fighting? Maybe wrestling and rolling in the mud and getting all hot and sweaty and dirty? Lindseypoo is going to get jealous!

Brown accused the Democrats of engaging in “political chicanery and parliamentary maneuvers.”


Afterward, a crush of people approached the freshman Massachusetts senator, taking photos with cell phones and asking him to autograph their McCain stickers. One man presented him with a baseball, and Brown took out a sharpie and signed his signature along with #41, to represent his vote in the US Senate.

“Bless you!” one woman yelled to him.

“Save us, senator,” another said to him quietly. “Save us.”

You know, this could backfire. Next to Nekkid Scotty, Capt. Underpants is going to look boring and lifeless. Oh well, stay the corpse, or however that saying goes.

“I didn’t know until I showed up that Scott Brown was going to be here,” said Mark Doebele, a 33-year-old high school teacher from Phoenix. “I was like, ‘Holy cow. Scott Brown’s here?’ Don’t tell Senator McCain this, but that was almost more exciting.”

See? Told ya!

McCain was the first US senator to take Brown’s calls when he was a long-shot candidate running for the seat left vacant by the death of liberal lion Edward M. Kennedy. Brown has since called McCain his political role model.

“He brings star power. Kinda like Sarah Palin does, you know?” McCain said in an interview. “He’s a national figure. People react to him in the most positive way…He comes in a position of significant influence, in our party and in the senate.”

Yeah! And look how much good Princess Sarah did ya, Capt. U, you betcha!

McCain introduced Brown, who was wearing a shirt and tie but no jacket, as “one of the great political heroes in political history.”

All you have to do to be a great political hero is to beat someone who ran a crappy campaign? 😕 Or do you just have to show up at political events wearing clothing?

“I think we all understand political gratitude,” Hayworth said in an interview when asked about Brown coming to campaign for McCain. “I look forward to working with Scott in the United States Senate, and I’m glad he’s getting a nice trip to Arizona. We’re going to have beautiful weather for him.”


Filed under 2008 election, Barack Obama, Congress, Edward Kennedy, humor, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Senate, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

26 responses to “What Can Brown Do For You, Capt. Underpants?

  1. jeb

    Looking at the title, I thought this might be about skidmarks. Oh, right, it is.

    • jeb!!!!! 😀

      i was thinking about you all week and wondering when you were going to put in an appearance. i’ve missed you!!!

      maybe i should have titled this one here’s lookin’ at you, skid! 😉

      • jeb

        Hi Nonnie, I get by when I can and sometimes I just lurk. Of course reading this reminded me that Idiocracy might not be fiction:

        “Bless you!” one woman yelled to him.

        “Save us, senator,” another said to him quietly. “Save us.”

        Help us Obi Won, you’re our only hoooope… Puhleaze!

      • jeb

        Oh and love your other title suggestion.

        • jeb, that’s what scares me most, that these morans deify brainless politicians like nekkid scotty and princess sarah, when it’s pretty clear that they are in it for themselves, not for the people. the rethug and tea parties have become cults, not political entities.

  2. Stay the corpse. Awesome.
    The same people who got all solemn and teary eyed when Brownie won the seat were m-f-ing him all over facebook the day he voted out of lockstep with the Grand Obstructionist Pedophiles. Grandpa might be wishing he’d kicked this little boytoy off his lawn before the campaign is through. He’s a star like Sarah Palin. Fucking shoot me.

    • funny how the goopers call you a star when you haven’t accomplished anything other than getting elected. batshit bachmann is one of their “stars” and she hasn’t done a damned thing since she’s been in congress, except to call for everyone and everything to be investigated.

  3. jenn qkw

    star power?
    lord’s work in satan’s house? wtf?

    i need to go exorcise mccain from my brain. i think it will take ten miles on the treadmill.

    oh wait, that’s my workout schedule anyway. 😉

    • i’m so jealous. when i used to go to physical therapy, i loved being on the treadmill. i would love to buy one, but i don’t have any room for it.

      • jenn qkw

        this is my second one. i wore out the first one. i really love it – i’d much rather work out here at home than out and about somewhere.

        it takes a small chunk of the family room. and i’d like to rearrange the family room so i could actually see more of the tv while i am milling.

        • i would get yelled at in pt, because i wanted to stay on the treadmill too long. i find it so calming, and it’s usually too damned hot down here to walk during the day.

  4. “What can Brown do for you?”

    Ship you out of office overnight!

  5. Why are the Arizona politicians ignoring the most pressing, dare I say straining issue of the day. It greatly affects all, rich or poor, free or bond! Must we resort to potty talk? Yes. It has been reported today that the state will start shutting down 19 roadside rest areas very soon. If you have ever traveled across AZ you know the dire feeling of needing to let go of a bottle and a half of Dr. Pepper NOW. This shall not stand!

  6. “trying to do the Lord’s work in the house of Satan,”

    McCain is married to a beer baronness.
    Doing the Lord’s work distributing beer?

    McCain ins past his pull date.

    Make him retire already!

  7. ooops! Make that “is” past his pull date.

    • and cindy lou’s father started his company with money from gangsters.

      • Playing the religious card, are we???

        How much $$$$ has McCain given to charity & single parents w/o healthcare?

        That’s the thing about these GOP’ers… they launch the anti abortion tyrade, but do nothing to help those who chose to be a single parent & keep the baby.

        Having Scott Brown & his pick up truck, be his pitch man will only make McCain look that much older & out of touch.

        27 years in congress (4 as rep & 23 as senator) is too long.

        Retire already old man!

        • rethugs only give to charity when it benefits themselves. do you think princess sarah would have given a dime to the red cross if she couldn’t grab a bunch of goodies worth much more than that? bar bush only gave to the victims of katrina if the money was earmarked to go to her son’s business. to a rethug, giving to charity means doing something for one’s own benefit and making sure it’s tax-deductible.

  8. “Scott and I just returned form [sic] trying to do the Lord’s work in the house of Satan,”

    … ummm …

    ‘Cause God wants the poor to suffer and die without health care and Satan is trying to take care of them?

    I don’t think that they read the same Bible I do.

    • they don’t have to read the bible. their speechwriters only have to include references to it a certain number of times per speech, depending on the audience.

      • True enough.

        As we’ve mentioned before, that’s one of the things that disgusts me about the religious right aligning with the political right. When someone quotes Jesus and Ayn Rand in the same paragraph, it’s difficult to believe.

        I call it Christian Appeasement — Christians are all too often satisfied with someone who uses the right buzzwords or opposes the seemingly-right things (homosexuals in the military being a big example) and so they accept flagrantly un-Christian things.

        Greed used to be considered a deadly sin. Now it’s a virtue to too many.

        When I saw the stat that something like 60% of Evangelicals in the US support torture, I wanted to cry. I don’t think that’s what Jesus meant when He talked about loving your enemy and blessing those who persecute you.

        But maybe Andy Schlafly will fix that in his Conservative Bible Project.

        (Does this comment ramble enough?)

        • keep rambling, wken! it is very much appreciated. this is from a comment by jerry melton (our new official raisin historian):

          Its fun to read a regular who knows their scripture go head on with the kooks.

          of course, he was speaking about you. you’ll find it in this post. your input is very much appreciated, as is your even-handedness, and how respectful you are, even when you disagree.

          • You’re too kind.

            I figure that I disagree with just about everyone about something, so if I’m going to limit my friendships to those with whom I agree on everything … well, … I’ll have a very lonely life.

            I’ve also challenged and changed enough of my positions over the years that I can’t see getting too dogmatic. There’s always the chance that someone will show me I’m wrong.

            I used to be a really good Republican, for example.

            • that’s very wise advice. if you dig your heels in too hard, you can’t walk away, even when you know deep inside that you’re wrong. you wind up defending the mud you’re stuck in instead of going where your feet really want to go.