Schlemiel, Schlimazel, Batshit Goopers Incorporated!

Kids, have you heard? There might be a remake of the old sitcom, Laverne and Shirley, in the works. From The Boston Globe:

Director Garry Marshall has told TV Guide that a few of the stars his flop “Valentine’s Day” may be teaming up in a film version of popular 70s TV show “Laverne & Shirley.” Marshall said Ben Affleck’s bride Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel would star in the film. “Jamie (Foxx) and I are trying to do it,” Marshall said. “He’s writing it. It’s a whole different modern day take on how they came up on the streets during difficult times. Laverne would be this very tough girl with a big ‘L’ tattooed on her arm. Jennifer Garner would play Laverne and Jessica Biel would play Shirley.” On the show, Laverne was played by Penny Marshall and Shirley by Cindy Williams.

Oh hell. If they’re going to rehash the show, I think it should be a little more relevant as to what’s going on in the country. I can think of 2 broads who would be much better than Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel. Behold, Lashrew and Squirrely!

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From Winkypedia:

Lashrew & Squirrely is an American television situation comedy that has run on GOP network (a subsidiary of Fox News) from 2008 to the present. It stars Sarah Palin as  Lashrew De Fuzzihead and  Michele Bachmann as Squirrely Fundy, roommates who, as the series began, worked in Shitz Brewery.

The show was a spin-off from Crappy Daze, as Squirrely was originally introduced on that show as someone who couldn’t keep her hands off Chimpy. Set in roughly the same time period as Crappy Daze, the Lashrew & Squirrely timeline started in approximately 2007 when Squirrely was elected to Congress through 2010, when we hopefully see the last of all the main characters.

Both shows were made by Paramount Insanity Television. “Lashrew & Squirrely” and “Crappy Daze” were both filmed on stage 666.

Characters:

• Lashrew De Fuzzihead (Sarah Palin) Known for being a shrill-talking basketball-playing, moose-hunting tomboy, Lashrew grew up in Wasilla, Alaska.  Lashrew works alongside whoever will pay her the most to show up (before she inevitably quits early).   She would consider herself a realist, and she sees her life for what she imagines it to be.  Lashrew’s motto is:   “These here are my core values, unless you pay me enough to change ’em to somethin’ else.”  Lashrew will campaign for tough guys of the “Teabaggers” gang and for old farts to whom she’s obligated for putting her on the national stage and for buying her lots of pretty clothes from expensive stores.  Moose milk and Pepsi is Lashrew’s infamous favorite drink .  Along with her Miss Wasilla sashes, her trademark is the letter “L” monogrammed on her shirts and sweaters.
• Squirrely Fundy (Michele Bachmann)   Squirrely Wingnut Fundy is the perky, positive one. With apple cheeks to match her personality, Squirrely never “lets her tinfoil balloon land”.  While she’s a bit of a meek little “girly-girl”, she’s never afraid of calling for investigations of anyone with whom she disagrees.   One of Squirrely’s most prized possessions is “Boo Boo Elephant”, a large stuffed GOP symbol which sits next to her bed. Her favorite song is Pat Boone’s ” I xAlmostx Lost My Mind” and that song is featured in several episodes, often used by one of the girls to cheer the other up. Squirrely becomes a huge fan of idol Sean Hannity.

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• Loony Kosslapski: (Steve King), a lovable goof who pesters Lashrew and Squirrely along with his best friend and roommate Skwiggy (who both live upstairs from Lashrew and Squirrely’s basement apartment).  Loony works as a truck driver at the Shitz brewery. Raised by his father after his mother abandoned them, during the series it was learned that Loony was the 89th in line to the Toilet Throne. When Loony attempted to have the word “King” embroidered on the back of his red jacket, a mistake left him with “Wing” instead; Lashrew was kind enough to sew on a fancy-script “nut” to complete the phrase. Loony says that, while he’s not completely sure, he thinks his last name (Kosslapski) is Iowan for “Help, there’s a black guy in the White House”.
• Noclue “Skwiggy” Skwigman (Louie Gohmert) The most obnoxious of the bunch, and the greasiest. Skwiggy works and lives with childhood friend Loony. Skwiggy grew up with neglectful parents, and is often scheming to get rid of the 17th Amendment or secede from the union by somewhat devious means. For some reason, he collects dust, and prays for a return to pre-Civil War days.  Skwiggy, like Loony, loves the sour grape-flavored drink Kool-aid, and makes nearly every entrance with his trademark “Hello” said in a slightly dopey voice. In the final season, we learn Skwiggy has a look-alike sister named Skwigdoline (played by Virginia Foxx), who is just as obnoxious and greasy as he is.