Can he balance a ball on his nose?

From Forbes:

Five and a half hours before showtime Glenn Beck still isn’t quite sure how he’ll provide tonight’s entertainment, “The Future of History”–two hours of monologue (and answers to preselected questions) before a nearly sellout crowd of 1,000 or so people at the Nokia Theatre in New York City’s Times Square. “But that’s me–I’m the next-event guy,” says Beck, flanked by two bodyguards as he walks the four blocks between the Fox News Channel studio, where he has pretaped the day’s show, and the theater. He won’t have to create tonight’s performance from scratch, since he’s left a long trail of words–millions of passionate, angry, weepy, moralizing, corny, offensive words–in his wake. “The body of work is pretty much the same,” explains Beck, 46. “What I’m trying to do is get this message out about self-empowerment, entrepreneurial spirit and true Americanism–the way we were when we changed the world, when Edison was alone, failing his 2,000th time on the lightbulb.”

Original DVD cover
(In the back,  the Faux News Bimbettes, l to r: Greta Van Susteren, Megyn Kelly, Princess Sarah Palin, Gretchen Carlson, and Rupert Uncle Rupie Murdoch in the top corner)

Glenn Beck Inc., formally known as Mercury Radio Arts (after Orson Welles’ Mercury Theatre on the Air), pulled in $32 million in revenue during the 12 months ended Mar. 1. You may love or hate him for his outlandish words, but that is how he gets an audience–and sometimes repels advertisers. Some classic Beckisms: “This President, I think, has exposed himself as a guy over and over and over again who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture” (2009). “Al Gore’s not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization” (2007). “I’m thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I’m wondering if I could kill him myself or if I would need to hire somebody to do it” (2005).

Yeah, calling people racists, comparing them to Nazis, and talking about killing people–that’s entertainment!

With a deadpan, Beck insists that he is not political: “I could give a flying crap about the political process.” Making money, on the other hand, is to be taken very seriously, and controversy is its own coinage. “We’re an entertainment company,” Beck says. He has managed to monetize virtually everything that comes out of his mouth. He gets $13 million a year from print (books plus the ten-issue-a-year magazine Fusion). Radio brings in $10 million. Digital (including a newsletter, the ad-supported and merchandise) pulls in $4 million. Speaking and events are good for $3 million and television for $2 million. Over several days in mid-March Beck allowed a reporter to follow him through his multimedia incarnations, with one exception, his 5 p.m. daily show on Fox News, which attracts just under 3 million viewers. (FORBES has a relationship with that channel via Forbes on Fox.)

By now everyone knows Beck’s curriculum vitae–at least, the hideous details (which he doesn’t hide) of his drug and alcohol addictions and the pettiness of firing an assistant for supplying a pen he didn’t like for signing autographs. In the popular mythology his career was born twice: first after Sept. 11 (his national radio show, The Glenn Beck Program, launched officially in January 2002); then again when Barack Obama was inaugurated (his Fox News show first aired two days before, on Jan. 19, 2009).


At 13 he won a contest that got him a guest gig on Mount Vernon’s am station, KBRC. Two years later his life began to unravel after his mother, an alcoholic, died in a boating accident that Beck has since judged a suicide.

The authorities never said his mother’s death was anything other than an accident. I guess suicide makes a better story.

Beck took himself to Alcoholics Anonymous. But he credits Tania, his second wife […] for pulling him out of the deep ditch. At her insistence they shopped around for a church and became Mormons.

Read this to see what Mormons think about Glenn Blechhh.

Radio is Beck’s third lung–and the second-largest generator of cash for Mercury. That’s thanks to a five-year, $50 million participation deal with Premiere, which picked him up in 2002. With a weekly average of 9 million listeners, Beck’s is the third-highest-ranked radio talk show in America, behind Rush Limbaugh (15.3 million) and Sean Hannity (14.3 million).


“Our future is being decided right now,” he says. “It’s being decided by special interests. We’ve entered a European period of America. … ” A good warm-up for some carpet bombing of pet targets: Obama, Nancy Pelosi and health care. A rapacious reader, Beck defends his decision to give prominence to “evil” books like The Coming Insurrection (2009, MIT Press), written anonymously by a group of French radicals, who postulate the coming implosion of capitalism. “Why?” Beck asks. “Because I’m not one who bans books. That’s what Nazis do.” No cultural sensitivity training for him anymore, something he and his colleagues once had to swallow at KC101 in New Haven after dropping some Asian ethnic slurs.

“I think I say the things that people are afraid to say–and sometimes the things people are too smart to say,” Beck laughs. Even to his occasional regret. “I would take back the things that I say right from the hip, without thinking,” he says, without getting specific.


“I don’t necessarily believe that [what Beck says] is reflective of his own personal politics–I don’t even know if he has personal politics,” says Michael Harrison, publisher of Talkers, a trade magazine devoted to talk radio. “I see him as a performer.”


Filed under Al Gore, Barack Obama, Fox News, Glenn Beck, Greta Van Susteren, humor, Media, movies, Nancy Pelosi, parody, politics, Racism, radio, Republicans, Rupert Murdoch, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, snark, television, Wordpress Political Blogs

21 responses to “Can he balance a ball on his nose?

  1. writechic

    I don’t have to tell you how WRONG it is that he’s presented in a news format.

    I read that Mormon link. Interesting. But I guess I can see how Beck would come off as too vulgar for the them. They like the Romney types….that never supported choice.

    • writechic

      A bit jarring seeing Greta in the background. Glad the bodies are blurred….though I see you captured the middle-aged matronly quality. 😉

      • i find it heartening that young mormons aren’t buying his crap. hopefully, that’s true of most younger americans today. with all the screaming from the right fringe, i hope that kids are taking advantage of the plethora of information that’s out there and making up their minds for themselves after they gather the facts, not take someone’s word for anything. dare i hope that kids will be able to think for themselves, even when jackasses like those in texas are trying to spoonfeed them only the “facts” they want them to know?

  2. “Can he balance a ball on his nose?”

    Yeah, and say “arf, arf” for a fish, too?

  3. You know he’s crying all the way to the bank, though.

    His drones … errr, … fans won’t care about this. Heck, they’ll probably accuse the leftist media of making it up.

  4. How Ironic he should reference Edison & the lightbulb… as Glenno rants & raves with his chalkboard, and misspells words & makes words up.

    Like NO lightbulb on there. Not even dim light.

    The PeeWee Herman bowtie is a nice touch for a clown.

    • this is from the end of the article:

      In the halls of Mercury’s midtown Manhattan office hang pictures of Beck’s heroes: Orson Welles, Jack Benny, Paul Harvey, Ronald Reagan, Bob Hope. But it is a photo of Walt Disney ( DIS – news – people ) that hangs alone outside Beck’s corner office. “I aspire to Walt Disney’s never-ending quest to try to improve the quality of what he’s doing,” Beck says, hands flailing, eyes intense, “his never-ending vision of yes, it can be done.” Not to mention his building one of the most lucrative and durable entertainment empires of all time.

      not one of his heroes would have given that brainless craphead the time of day.

      • Glenno would like the Mickey Mouse genre.

        • it just goes to show you what a lazy asswipe blechhh really is. if all he wants to do is improve the quality of what he’s doing, he can simply fart. farting is an improvement over what spews forth from his fat filthy mouth.

  5. His rant today left out midgets and men with one arm. His radio rant this week included denouncing the deceased mother and grandparents of Obama as being marxist. A fellow at HuffPo named Bob Cesca has a must read story about how he’s calling him out point by point and has vowed to take him down. I would like to suggest a bit for his stage show. Take a whole bunch of currency (no prob here) wet it down and fashion a paper miche’ turd, let dry, then bring it out on the stage and see how long it takes for republicans to start laying eggs on it.

    • This is the kind of stuff that makes Obama write off Fox snooze wholesale.

      Not worth the time of day & so absurd not even going to respond.

      • there should be a response, but not from the white house. let those in obama’s orbit take down faux news. if obama comments on faux, it gives it substance. he should just swat it like he did that fly last year if he’s asked about it in an interview.

    • i read that bob cesca article. the media (other than faux news, of course) have to treat blechhh as the buffoon that he is. every time he says something not true, they should ridicule him and tell people why what he said is a lie.

  6. Joanaroo

    Nah, he’d rather balance Princess Palin’s balls OVER his nose!

    • i’l bet you anything that she can’t stand him. i remember watching that interview she did with him, and the body language said that she was so uncomfortable sitting there. i bet that most of the people who have to work with or for him can’t stand him.

  7. Oh my

    Nonnie’s comment about age is very important and something the GOP is overlooking.
    The next two elections will see something the GOP isn’t expecting: young voters who have just turned 18 and will more likely vote Dem/Lib and the deaths of older GOP/conservative voters due to old age.

    • hello oh my,

      welcome to the raisin! 😀 please come back and comment again soon, especially if you’re going to say that i said something important! 😉

  8. There aren’t enough magic mushrooms or tequila shots to make me want to see this asshole in person. Even hecklers have their standards.

    • he couldn’t even sell 20 tickets in nyc! i would only show up to see him in person if it was free, and if there were a lot of other people spread throughout the audience who would make very loud rude noises at the most opportune (which means inopportune from blechhhhh’s viewpoint) times.