Captain Underpants, You Have the Right to Remain Silent. You Really Should Have!


Two congressional Republicans are questioning whether federal authorities should have read alleged terrorist Faisal Shahzad his Miranda rights after he was arrested late Monday night. Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said reading Shahzad his Miranda rights would be a “mistake.”

Captain Underpants, the non-maverick, is very, very upset! So upset that he took time out from trying to figure out how to pander to Hispanic voters who are pissed off at him for supporting Governor Jan Brewer’s new racist anti-immigrant law (and how to not get arrested in Arizona wearing this outfit) to rail against law enforcement officers who didn’t act like Jack Bauer, yet still got their man. Don’t they know they’re supposed to shred the Constitution so that Capt U can look tough and win his primary? Sheesh!

Original album cover

Shahzad, a 30-year-old naturalized American citizen from Pakistan, was arrested as he was boarding a Dubai-bound flight at John F. Kennedy International Airport late Monday. He faces terrorism charges for parking a bomb-laden car in Times Square in New York City.

McCain, echoing comments he’s made in previous national security situations, said on a radio program this morning that “obviously that would be a serious mistake [to Mirandize Shahzad]… at least until we find out as much information we have,” the Hill reports.


Deputy Director of the FBI John S. Pistole said today that joint terrorism task force agents and officers from the New York Police Department interviewed Shahzad last night and early this morning before reading him his Miranda rights and that he was “cooperative” and provided “valuable intelligence and evidence.”

“He was Mirandized later and continued to cooperate and provide valuable information,” he added.

McCain similarly complained that “underwear bomber” Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was read his Miranda rights after attempting to detonate a bomb on board a Northwest Airlines jet on Christmas Day last year. Officials later said, however, that Abdulmutallab was only read his Miranda rights, which warn a suspect that he does not have to incriminate himself, after being interrogated.

Rep. Peter King (N.Y.), the top Republican on the House Homeland Security Committee, is also asking whether Attorney General Eric Holder discussed the treatment of Shahzad with the intelligence community before deciding to arrest him on criminal charges, Politico reports.

“If they believe they got enough from him, how much more should they get? Did they Mirandize him? I know he’s an American citizen but still,” King said.


King was less critical on Monday of how authorities handled Shahzad.

“I think they’ve done all they can,” King told Politico yesterday. “Primarily right now, it’s the NYPD and the FBI. I was talking to the Homeland Security department yesterday, and I have no reason to criticize them. There’s nothing they should’ve done, there’s nothing they haven’t done.”

And while McCain this morning said it would be a mistake to read Shahzad his Miranda rights, he also said that Shahzad would likely face the death penalty if convicted of criminal charges.


He added that Shahzad’s arrest “gives you a little encouragement about the improvements we’ve made since 9/11.”


Filed under 9/11, Constitution, FBI, Homeland Security, humor, John McCain, Justice Department, New York City, Pakistan, parody, Peter King, politics, Republicans, September 11, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

22 responses to “Captain Underpants, You Have the Right to Remain Silent. You Really Should Have!

  1. These people have so much respect for the Founding Fathers that they want to dismiss the Bill of Rights.

    Wait … what?

    • wken, did you hear lindseypoo today? he wants to protect the second amendment rights of terrorists, but he doesn’t want to mirandize them. i guess we should just get rid of all the amendments except the second one.

  2. writechic

    Waaaah, we only follow the Constitution when we’re not shaking in our bunny slippers. We’re not brave enough to be American with all these would-be cockbomber, would-be time square bomber, joe stack irs plane as weapon (wait not him, they understand him) guys running around.

    I know they’re just hoping to light a fire under the troglodytes among them, but they just coming off as pussies.

    • i was thinking today how people would react in an emergency room if the doctors and nurses acted like rethugs during and after a disaster. would you trust anyone who tells you that you must freak out no matter what the situation and tells you to be very, very afraid, so you should give up on really living and confine yourself to bed 24/7? those in congress are supposed to be the grown-ups. they’re supposed to tell people to remain calm so we can all figure out what the best solutions are. the rethugs can’t stand that obama is acting like the grown-up.

  3. ‘South of the border, down Panama wayyyyy…’, eh Nonnie?

    He’s looking particularly flammable – nice work.


    • you know that lindseypoo is just seething with envy. he knows he could rock that outfit so much better than capt underpants! :mrgreen:

      • No, no, no, Lindsey’s a modern ‘baggage handler’ – He’ll vogue it.


        • lindseypoo just loves to dress up, and you know how much i love picking out clothes and accessories for him! i hope he’s not mad at me for allowing capt u to wear this little number. after all, look at that hat! we all know how much lindseypoo loves fruit. 😉

  4. Hero/Maverick McCain shreds the constitution.

    Olbermann nailed it…

    Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

    • he shredded the constitution, because he wanted to hide the fact that he pissed on it.

      • Hey nonnie~ It’s Keith Olbermann’s comment I sent to post:

        Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

        • fran,
          your comment has twice gotten caught in the spam filter, and i approved them. however, no special comment appears, just the links to msnbc. i doubt highly that it’s anything wordpress is doing. instead, msnbc is probably converting what you cut and paste to their links. were you trying to post a video or text? the video can be found here at raw story. here’s the text from the same link:

          “You shame yourself in the eyes of American patriots,” Olbermann remarks, “and in the eyes of your fellow veterans who sacrificed, and the honored dead who gave their lives to protect the freedoms and the laws you have today suggested should be optional.

          “Freedom-loving Americans look back with horror at what could have happened on Saturday night six blocks from here,” the Countdown host continues, “And we also look back with horror at how a man who thinks America is some kind of brand name, who does not respect the laws and honor of this great nation, could have come so perilously close to becoming its leader.”

  5. Oh how the mighty have fallen! I never paid much attention to McCain until the time of normalization with Viet Nam came along. He told a reporter at the time That he did not hold hard feelings against his former tormentors. Wow, no bad vibes against those who tortured you and broke bones, etc. What a forgiving soul! And John over the years pops up on the odd talk show curcuit being all amiable and humorous. Hosted SNL several times. In public figure polling in the 90s he was the most popular figure in politics pulling close to 90% favorable! Then in the 2000 SC primary, Rove carefully injected poison that old John has never recovered from. And after that disaster in ’08 with its gift that just keeps on giving, we come to this: “Obviously that would be a serious mistake until all information is gathered” Lets try this, Johnny. We will contact Hanoi and get the interogators who got you to sign the phony confessions about bombing schools and hospitals, bring them over here with the original documents, duplicate them with a blank place to sign, let them torture the Paki and see how long he lasts until HE signs the same false confessions you once signed. I am more than disgusted…..but you may be out done soon by Loverman and Little Eric who are busting their ass to “uncitizen certain undesirable types of people”. Must have skipped out of history class back at school. They can’t have it both ways. You two either wake up to what rights are in this country or expect someone, someday, to walk right into your place of work, come right down the aisle with trenchcoated men with hats stoping only to point with outstreched hand and say: “That one…He’s a Jew”.

    • when a candidate has nothing to offer but fear and hate, it’s time to vote for someone else. in this case, the only other choice in the primary is another guy who is even more hateful. if arizonans are smart, they’ll vote dem.