Oh what a tangled web they weave, just how dumb, you won’t believe!

From Dana Milbank at The Washington Post:

Republicans want to take over the House in the fall, but there’s a problem: They don’t have an agenda.

So on Tuesday, they set out to resolve that shortcoming. They announced that they would solicit suggestions on the Internet, then have members of the public give the ideas a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down. Call it the “Dancing With the Stars” model of public policy.


Original movie poster

Republicans were very pleased with their technological sophistication as they introduced the Web site, America Speaking Out a ceremony at the Newseum. Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), who created the program, said that to get software for the site, “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon.”

Using lunar software is appropriate, because the early responses to the Republicans’ request for ideas are pretty far out:

…snip…

“How about if Congress actually do thier job and VET or Usurper in Chief, Obama is NOT a Natural Born Citizen in any way,” recommends another. “That fake so called birth certificate is useless.”

“A ‘teacher’ told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish!” a third complains. “And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.”

House Republicans, meet the World Wide Web.

GOP leaders seemed to have something else in mind as they rolled out their new site. “I would expect the ideas that come out of this Web site and the involvement of our members will lead to ideas that we can attempt to implement today,” House Minority Leader John Boehner (Ohio) proclaimed. “We want to continue to offer better solutions to address the problems that America is facing, and we see this as a giant step forward, directly engaging the American people in the development of those solutions.”

Such as?

“Build a castle-style wall along the border, there is plenty of stone laying around about there.” That was in the “national security” section of the new site.

…snip…

“Don’t let the illegals run out of Arizona and hide. . . . I think that we should do something to identify them in case they try to come back over. Like maybe tattoo a big scarlet ‘I’ on their chests — for ‘illegal’!!!” (Filed under “job creation.”)

The Republican leaders attempting to demonstrate their technological savvy at the Newseum brought to mind former Alaska senator Ted Stevens’s observation that the Internet is a “series of tubes.”

The Web site not only “has cutting-edge technology,” asserted Rep. Peter Roskam (Ill.), “but a winsome design that is easy for people to interact with.”

Lest you think Republicans are just discovering the Internet, Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (Wash.) let it be known that “House Republicans have tweeted five times as many as the House Democrats. Leader Boehner has almost five times as many Facebook fans as Speaker Pelosi.” Boehner grinned and gave a double thumbs-up.

Rep. Mike Pence (Ind.) contributed to the discussion by twice giving out the wrong address for the new site.

House Republicans had experimented with reality-show-style policymaking before. House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (Va.) has been having Internet users vote on which government programs to cut, but that experiment was more tightly controlled.

This one, McCarthy said, would do nothing less than “change the course of history.”

…snip…

Some of the uglier forces of the Internet found their way to the House Republican site. “I oppose the Hispanicization of America,” said one. “These are not patriotic people.”

…snip…

But Republicans might want to take a hard look at the suggestion that “we need to reframe the discussion” about the BP oil spill to counteract the “environmental whackos” worried about wildlife. Republicans, this person proposed, should argue that “BP is creating a new race of faster dolphins. These fish are unable to compete against the fish of other countries, but now their increased lubrication will allow them to fly through the water. Faster fish = good.”

Kids, you should go and read some of the suggestions over there. Hilarious! However, don’t be surprised if, after a few minutes, you get this message:

A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.

Please wait a moment and try again.

But keep trying. You get activity points!

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24 Comments

Filed under Barack Obama, Congress, Democrats, humor, Immigration, John Boehner, movies, Nancy Pelosi, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Ted Stevens, Wordpress Political Blogs

24 responses to “Oh what a tangled web they weave, just how dumb, you won’t believe!

  1. i couldn’t resist. after lmao last night reading some of the posts there, i signed up. my user name is michele bachmann. 😆 i posted 3 or 4 times, but now, when i try to log in, i can’t. i wonder if i’m banned. 😥

    • writechic

      Shit! Just did a tour. Looks like way more libs are posting than repubes. If I create an i.d., it’ll be ihaveaboehner. 😆

      • i was laughing so hard last night at some of the comments. i don’t think i saw more than 1 or 2 that weren’t pure snark. i posted batshit bachmann’s exact words that she said on hardball about investigating all the commies in congress. someone asked if i would have his babies, but the site kept crashing when i attempted to answer. i posted under national security that they should take the viagra away from bob dole, because i know i’d feel safer. i also commented that they should take the self tanner away from john boehner, because he’s scaring the children. i suggested he change the spelling of his last name. nobody pronounces poet as ‘pate’. plus, the h is just the waste of a letter. i have no idea why they might have banned me. i was just trying to help. 😥

        you really should register with that uid. 😆

      • JaxDem

        dammit…I really should have put my plexiglass shield in place before reading what your nom de plume would be over there.

        I really hate cleaning coffee outta my keyboard and off the laptop screen. ;D

  2. OOOOOOww! Activity points! Free toasters and candy! Sparkle ponies!

    They sure think they know who’s coming to dinner!

    And I jis luv their site background of faceless shadowy nobodies…

  3. Joanaroo

    Are activity points anything like decision points? Or Brownie points? And Boner has more hits on Facebook because some people just want to log in and see what stupid things he’s not embarassed to post! And if Republicans use Twitter, shouldn’t it be called Twit?

  4. Joanaroo

    Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Forgot to mention, shouldn’t Republicans have a scarlet I tattooed on their chests for, let’s see, Idiot, Immature, Impure, Idiotic, Incoherent, Imbibing, Incapacitated, Incontinent, Impotent, Inane, Interfering, I (heart) Intercourse, Improper, Illegally Yours, Illegitimate, Illicit, Incestuous, Insipid, Ingratiating, Impatient, Intellectually Immune, and if I think of more, I’ll let you know.

  5. Ask not what your country can do for you…..
    ask your country what to do & how to do it???

    Essentially, they just announced to all the world….
    We’ve got nothin’

  6. I like the Great Wall idea the best. I can see KBR designing the plan while the Blackwater guards shoot to kill any of the Mexican laborers that slow or falter while building it. Of course Arizona will have a ready labor supply from the new concentration camps full of immigrants. It might work better than my idea of spacing rotating Ronald Reagan statues with laser death-ray eyes that say “well, there he goes again” after it vaporizes each victim. I better get over there and post this!

    • i just spit tea all over my keyboard. i guess it’s my teaboard now. you simply must go over there and post that! it’s just too hilarious…i mean too forward-thinking to just stay here at the raisin. by the way, some of the funniest…i mean, insightful posts over there were made by ronald reagan.

      😆 😆 😆

  7. JaxDem

    whOOt hOOt !!!! Now these guys are on the cutting edge of fail….

    they’ve taken over facebook, twitter and the tubz… And when they finally figure out how to use ’em, well …look out 2032 election cycle is all I can say.

    I’m off now to search for michelebachmann comments over there 😀

    • i haven’t posted anything as MicheleBachmann yet, just as Michele Bachmann. i have no idea if they’re still there or not, because the site keeps screwing up.

      they really are techno whizzes, aren’t they? i bet they have email and everything (not that capt underpants even knows what that is)!

  8. you know, there adoring fans could care less (and most of them wouldnt know a computer from a bottle of gin). no matter how ridiculous they look or get, the idiots of this country love them more and more

    • there’s a certain percentage of the population that will vote rethugs no matter what. however, for the swing voters, the more the rethugs show how out of touch they are, the more the independents will swing over to the dems or to third parties.

  9. Joanaroo

    Good one! Repubs make me feel constipated, so frustrated and are totally outdated, but I know their egos, sense of self-worth and feelings of sexual magnetism are totally Inflated! And imbecilic (new word?).

    • joanaroo, i never know who you’re responding to, so i’ll answer anyway. you should eat more fiber. don’t let the rethugs cause you to get sick. eat fiber, and fart in the general direction of the nearest rethug.

  10. What an ironic description of them too “Very high volume Americans.” If you can’t play good play good and loud right boys ?

    • reading some of the posts over there, i’ve concluded that i’m not sure about the volume, but i’m pretty sure a lot of them were high. 😉

      • Well I went and had a look, very 80s looking, took forever for my wood burning ‘puter to load it but couldn’t access anything without “registering” and they want a whole lot more info than I care to have any goper have access to, just short of having to write an essay on why RR was more “than just a good man”. But to anyone bold enough to give them info about your mother you can earn badges!!!

  11. Pingback: Oh what a tangled web they weave, just how dumb, you won’t believe! (via HYSTERICAL RAISINS) « Test Site

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