Yeah, Tony, It’s All About You

There’s no one who wants this over more than I do. I would like my life back.
Tony Hayward, BP CEO, May 30, 2010

From Reuters:

Here are developments in the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, the largest in U.S. history:

* After BP Plc (BP.L) said the complex “top kill” maneuver to plug its Gulf of Mexico oil well had failed on Saturday, it is moving to the next option — the lower marine riser package cap, which will capture oil from the well rather than plug it.


* Government scientists estimated that cutting the riser pipe coming out of the blowout preventer to prepare for the next containment option could result in a temporary oil flow increase of up to 20 percent.


* The huge oil slick from the gushing well could threaten the Mississippi and Alabama coasts this week, driven by moderate southerly and southwesterly winds, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said.


* The NOAA forecast was a sober reminder that oil from the unchecked spill, broken up and carried by winds and ocean currents, could threaten a vast area of the U.S. Gulf Coast, including Florida, as well as Cuba and Mexico.


* President Barack Obama met on Tuesday with the co-chairs of a commission he set up to investigate the spill, former Senator Bob Graham and former Environmental Protection Agency chief William Reilly. Obama vowed to overhaul U.S. laws and regulations governing offshore drilling to prevent a repeat of the catastrophe.

* Attorney General Eric Holder said the Justice Department has launched a criminal and civil investigation into the spill and rig explosion that killed 11 workers. The FBI is taking part.

The hell with all those polite investigations. I want it to look more like this…

Original DVD cover
(left to right:Β  Tony I’m-Wearing-Rand-Paul’s-Hair Hayward, William No-I’m-Not-Bob-Newhart Reilly, Bob Graham, Eric Holder, Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen)

* Democratic lawmakers stepped up their calls for action. Representative Ed Markey called the spill an “environmental crime” and Senator Mary Landrieu demanded BP invest $1 billion in wetlands protection.


* [BP Managing Director Robert] Dudley said that he does not think BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward, who has faced heavy criticism, should resign.

* BP’s total financial cost of the response to the disaster now stands at $990 million, and is rising.


* BP shares plunged on Tuesday after the top kill strategy failed, and the company has now lost more than a third of its market value, or about 46 billion pounds ($67 billion), since the leak started six weeks ago.

From the New York Daily News:

Like his broken oil well, BP CEO Tony Hayward also has a tendency to spew.


“The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.”

– on May 14 to The Guardian

“The environmental impact of this disaster is likely to be very, very modest.”

– on May 18 to Sky News

“I’m sure (nine hospitalized cleanup workers) were genuinely ill, but whether it was anything to do with dispersants and oil, whether it was food poisoning or some other reason … food poisoning is clearly a big issue when you’ve got a concentration of this number of people in temporary camps.”

– on May 30 to CNN


“The oil is on the surface. There aren’t any plumes.” (The truth: There are at least two massive underwater plumes, one 22 miles long and a thousand feet deep.)

– on May 30 to AP


Filed under Barack Obama, Democrats, FBI, Florida, humor, Justice Department, Mary Landrieu, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

37 responses to “Yeah, Tony, It’s All About You

  1. I saw this one. Un-freaking-believable.

    I’ll bet that a lot of LA fisherboat crews would like to get their lives back, too.

    And so would the families of those 11 crew killed in the explosion.

    I guess this SOB apologized, but let’s be honest … he’s really just sorry that he said it in front of a microphone and that serfs don’t know their place anymore.

  2. writechic

    I’m hoping one of the co@ksuckers he’s beholden to dressed him down. SNL could have a field day with him.

  3. I say we set Tony Hayward up for a date with Jordan Van Der Sloot. ‘Nuff said.

    • awesome idea, weatherdude! let’s throw princess sarah, batshit bachmann, virginia foxx, steve king, rushbo, little glennie, etc. all into the mix. i never watch the bachelor, but i’d watch that version of it!

  4. Great minds think alike! I just posted about Tony’s apology– here it is:

    “I made a hurtful and thoughtless comment on Sunday when I said that “I wanted my life back.” When I read that recently, I was appalled. I apologize, especially to the families of the 11 men who lost their lives in this tragic accident. Those words don’t represent how I feel about this tragedy, and certainly don’t represent the hearts of the people of BP — many of whom live and work in the Gulf — who are doing everything they can to make things right. My first priority is doing all we can to restore the lives of the people of the Gulf region and their families — to restore their lives, not mine.”

    The glaring thing about this apology to me, is Ooops! he forgot to mention the life of the entire ecosystem & the wildlife effected by this historic BP -made disaster.

    As for the “tragic accident”, good thing the Obama administration is moving forward with a Criminal investigation. This is more like the big corporation taking a series of tragic shortcuts, with tragic sloppiness, in a rush for profits.
    Damned right! BP’s got some splainin’ to do.

    Your photoshop is probably the fantasy of many people’s sentiment over the BP situation.
    Tony Hayward CEO:
    Chief Environmental Obituary?

    • i’m not a violent person, but if i ever came face to face with tony hayward, it would take all of my willpower not to smack the living shit out of him. πŸ‘Ώ

  5. I’m waiting for the tinfoil hat brigade to go after him. He’s a member of both the Trilateral Commission and the Bilderberg Group. Maybe I should find the conspiracy theorists in the local Tea Party group and feed that information to them. Muahahahaha!

    • πŸ˜† you really should, neon vincent!! of course, you should change your name to realpatriot or friendofsarah or glennbeckismymaster so they know that they can trust you.

  6. Maybe Tony know the NAME of the dickhead that caused all this death and calamity. NBC had a chilling interview with the widow of a tool pusher on that rig. She said his last visit home he was preoccupied with “getting things in order” and when he packed up to go out asked if everything was allright for her and the two kids. Then she recieved several nervous calls from the rig but he couldn’t say anything. This seems to be the same company man that screwed up the first bore by speeding up the drilling rate and fracturing the pipe. So in phase two. because they’re really behind and way way over budget, the NAME over-rules everybody on that rig qualified to do their specialty jobs. And what do we have to show for all this faster faster crap- 11 dead men, a very expensive ship rig sitting on the sea bed, an entire ecosystem on the verge of destruction. I want that NAME!

  7. What I don’t understand.
    Where I live on the edge of a large natural harbor in Wales we have 3 oil terminals, 2 big natural gas terminals, 13 berths for oil tankers, 3 berths for massive natural gas carriers, a huge Chevron used to-be-Texaco refinery and a little-er Murco used-to-be Amoco refinery.
    Since 1960 when the first refinery was built and went into production we have had 2 major oil disasters.
    In June 1994 there was “a catalogue of errors” that led to a massive explosion and fire at the Texaco refinery. (Then there was an extraordinary series of fortunate coincidences that prevented any fatalities.) The explosion had the force of four tonnes of high explosive and was heard 30 miles away, virtually destroying the site.
    And in 1996 another “catalogue of errors” caused the oil tanker “Sea Empress” to run aground on rocks where she remained skewered for days, with her cargo of oil gushing out of the holes in the ship’s bottom.
    You can add in a whole lot of minor “incidents” that have occurred over the years, and not all of them reported either, but they too, without exception, were the result of “catalogues of errors”.
    That is, occasionally humans follow tried and tested procedures erratically and don’t always make corrections as they go along, which allows a mini tidal wave of backlog mistakes to build up, to the point where something has to go pop.
    So in a sense, all the incidents that have taken place over 50 years are excusable in as much as they were errors made by humans and not totally reckless behavior.

    Not so in the case of the BP oil disaster. The BP oil disaster is the result of totally reckless behavior.
    The point being:
    1) BP were drilling bloody deeper than anyone before.
    2) Instead of Bloody BP treading carefully and being extra cautious with their deepest ever drilling, they went blasting ahead as though they were in some kind of race against time, stomping about the extra super duper pressurized sea bed as though it was their backyard.
    They were careless reckless bloody idiots and you wouldn’t be able to identify a single “catalogue of error” type error in any or all of their actions simply because they abandoned all semblance of procedure at an early stage.

    ps Nonnie :D, is it possible that it should read “left to right” instead of “right to left” under the poster??

    • well said, mighty mikk0mouse. this was not an accident, it was an inevitability. they were so careless and so negligent that it amounts to a crime. people make mistakes, so nothing is foolproof. however, there are plenty of safeguards that are supposed to be built into dangerous exploits. if you ignore those safeguards, then you should be held responsible for the consequences.

      😳 yes, it should have read l to r. i fixed it.

  8. i dont think Tony really cares about anything than Tony – BP, Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers,

    all the same – and the 6 billion other idiots who just bow to them – move on, nothing here.

    we let Tony get away with this…….

  9. Joanaroo

    That little pisshead Tony deserves to Be Put in front of a firing squad with Bullets a-Plenty and rifles aimed at his Bollocks and Penis. A hospital? Sorry, Tony, go Bleed among your Petroleum, you Buttfuck Prat! Love the fact this asswipe spends $50 million to try to save his job and the fucking company, the Bastardly Prick! I know-show some anger, Joan! This bugs the hell out of me, all the damn stupidity with this! May I just say though, Tony, take your siphon hose and use it as a Buttplug up yur Poophole!

    • i think he should be forced to pick up the carcasses of animals that died as a result of the disaster and then clean up the ones that are still living but suffering. then he should have to go to elementary schools in the gulf and tell all the kids how he killed their entire way of life.

  10. Pingback: Yeah, Tony, It’s All About You (via HYSTERICAL RAISINS) « Test Site