Detecting lies is easy, it’s finding any truth that’s almost impossible

From WIS10:

COLUMBIA, SC (WIS) – Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer has released the results of a lie detector test which he says proves he isn’t behind a string of attacks against one of his Republican opponents, Rep. Nikki Haley.

In a GOP gubernatorial debate last week in Charleston, Haley accused Bauer of being responsible for charges of marital infidelity against her. Larry Marchant, one of the two men who have claimed past relationships with Haley, was a consultant to the Bauer campaign until the day of the debate.

Original DVD cover

Bauer denied the accusation, and challenged Haley to take side-by-side lie detector tests to prove who’s telling the truth. The Bauer campaign says Haley refused the polygraph, but Bauer took the test anyway.


Bauer on Monday released the results of a lie detector test he says he took Sunday night in Columbia, administered by an independent, FBI-certified polygrapher. Bauer says another independent, certified polygrapher reviewed the charts Monday to verify the result.

“The voters now know that I had absolutely nothing to do with the unfortunate revelations made about Ms. Haley in the last two weeks,” said Bauer.

Bauer had previously told WCSC in Charleston that he would “absolutely” take a polygraph about his own rumored sexual history, as he has asked Haley to do. No questions about that subject were included in Bauer’s polygraph exam, however.

Bauer and Haley are running for the Republican nomination for governor against U.S. Rep. Gresham Barrett and Attorney General Henry McMaster. Haley holds a commanding lead heading into Tuesday’s primary election.

Actual polygraph questions and answers herePDF file.  Bauer said that he didn’t tell Larry Marchant to blab to reporters that he got his dinky stinky with Nikki, and he said he asked Marchant not to tell the reporters about it.  He said he had nothing to do with Marchant or Will Folks blabbing to the press.  The question and answer that cracked me up (for those of you who don’t like to open PDF files) was the 5th one:

Q-Prior to this year, did you ever tell a serious lie to anyone who really trusted you?


Does he really want to release that to the public?  Does he not realize that sounds bad from someone running for office?  Is he just bragging that there’s someone out there who actually trusts him?

You can read Will Folks’s side of the story here.  Here are a few snippets:

Until two weeks ago, my website planned on endorsing Rep. Haley- whose political career I have aggressively championed ever since this website was created three-and-a-half years ago.


[G]overnment transparency has been the political (and public relations) fuel for “Haley’s Comet,” although South Carolinians have learned over the last two weeks that Rep. Haley obviously doesn’t want this same standard applied to her.

In fact, when reporters investigating the affair claims requested access to Rep. Haley’s taxpayer-funded email account (and more importantly the computer hard drives associated with that account), she refused to release this information – citing a legislative exemption that allows her to evade our state’s Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) laws and keep this public information hidden from public view.


That’s not the only example of disingenuous behavior on Rep. Haley’s part, though.  In addition to her ongoing denials, Rep. Haley flat-out lied when she claimed I had not given her a ”heads-up” regarding my decision to come forward.  The record will show I informed her directly (via text message) two days in advance of publishing my admission, which is obviously in addition to the dozens of additional text messages I released outlining the extensive coordination I had with her campaign in the weeks leading up to the story breaking.


After initially attempting to minimize my role as one of her advisors, Rep. Haley is now assigning a level of involvement I never had – claiming that we spent these late hours on the phone strategizing over her campaign to become chair of the powerful House Labor, Commerce and Industry (LCI) committee.

That statement is laughable.

First of all, the LCI race – a contest from which Rep. Haley eventually withdrew – isn’t a public election, it’s a vote determined by a handful of state lawmakers.  That means there’s no public relations component to it whatsoever.  Accordingly, there was absolutely no need to strategize so incessantly about it with a PR advisor – particularly not so far ahead of time and particularly not with someone Rep. Haley initially downplayed as an employee who merely ”did some writing” for her, a person she claimed (prior to the release of the phone records, anyway) not to have known particularly well.

In fact, over the duration of our professional relationship, I attended precisely one meeting with Rep. Haley regarding her LCI bid – a gathering that took place at lobbyist Larry Marchant’s office many months after the lengthy late night phone calls between Rep. Haley and myself.


[M]y team is preparing affidavits from literally dozens of witnesses – including several who observed Rep. Haley and I leaving nightclubs together late at night as well as several who will testify to seeing Rep. Haley’s car parked outside of my downtown Columbia, S.C. town house on mulitple occasions at all hours of the night during the time frame in question.

And we all thought we were going to miss Marky Mark Sanford and his Appalachian Trail!


Filed under humor, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, snark, South Carolina

14 responses to “Detecting lies is easy, it’s finding any truth that’s almost impossible

  1. i would assume he told the administrators of the lie detector test – “do NOT ask me if I am gay”

    • you can bet on that! i really do think that will folks got his dinky stinky with nikki, but i wouldn’t be at all surprised if marchand got his dinky stinky with andré.

  2. MNLatteLiberal

    Leave it to the GOP to make hetero sex scandals into vanilla yawners! Is it just me or does this read BORING? Even the polygraph test leaves out the emotional spikes: instead of the graph we are given incomprehensible charts, pluses and monosyllabic replies.

    Methinks we ought to start judging these GOP infidelities on the old figure skating scales, 0.0 to 6.0 in degree of difficulty (length of the long stroke of Rever’s baggage handling) and technical excellence (banging out tap-a-tap-a-tappa rhythms in the MSP stall) . Ice coverage (geographical extent, as in Appalachia, Argentina, etc.), sticking the landing (returning from the South American hike unnoticed), flamboyancy of costumes/plumage, etc. garner bonus points.

    This story has zero degree of difficulty, especially for SC. Yeah, I miss that sexy bastard Sanford, if only because of the alliteration.

    ~ Latte, full of ideas

    • 😆 latte, you know how they wire up the focus groups while they’re listening to debates on tv? i think it would be much more fun if we wired up the candidates instead. we can watch the needles on the polygraph going nutso as they tell their lies. now, the fun part is that, if the needle goes off the chart, they get a small electrical shock. now, that’s entertainment! 😀

      • MNLatteLiberal

        I am having flashbacks to the opening scene of Ghostbusters when Bill Murray is shocking the hell out of a volunteer graduate student who is trying to sense the geometric shapes on the flip side of cards.

        I still think, though, rating the sex scandal on the old Olympic skating scale is the way to go. It could be an interactive, consensus tool, like a wiki.

        ~ Latte

        • i think we can do both. we rate them for the affairs before they get caught (by the way, we should figure in the number of partners, so nikki might have an edge), and the polygraph can be used after they’re cornered and have to confess. we can sort out all the sordid details of the affair then, and we can adjust the original scores, figuring in the level of kinkiness. they get extra points for originality of excuses for screwing around.

  3. Taking the lie detector test didn’t do Bauer any good, while not taking the test didn’t seem to do Haley much, if any, harm. Bauer came in third and Haley came in first. It looks like she still has to face a runoff, but she has a commanding lead.

    I predict that Mark Sanford will have a successor worthy of his legacy. 😉

    • i don’t think bauer did even that well. i think he came in 4th. it will be interesting to see what happens if there’s a runoff. will the “dozens of witnesses” make a difference? sanford stayed in his job, so will it matter if folks is proven to be the one telling the truth?

  4. 49% We shall be treated to several more weeks of this soap opera until the runoff. But I couldn’t help but notice (while reviewing the film) that she would get more and better info by placing those electrodes a bit more strategically, if you know what I mean. Everyone needs to register in the Raisin pool of how many more boyfriends will be made public before the next round. And the guy who started it all, the one continually “blogging her”, as the kids say these days, might not have actually gotten into her pants at all. With her Sihk family and background, she might have just been over there every night staying late just to tell him of the Fourteen Dreams. Or maybe not.

    • maybe she tried to find a more strategeric (chimpy’s legacy–i can’t spell strategery or any of its forms correctly) place for the electrodes, but there was not enough there for the electrodes to cling to. i hope that the “dozens of witnesses” come forward quickly, and i hope most of them are nuns, priests, ministers, and rabbis.

  5. I take back everything bad I said about Arkansas, Louisiana, Alabama, and any number of other of useless states. I have now truly met useless and its name is South Carolina. My God, what a sh**hole.

    • don’t take back anything, tl. just have a revolving wtf file, because another state will come along and out-dumb south carolina. they seem to take turns, and none of them should be taken out of rotation.

      • Nikki notes: her real name is Namrata…and the dem opponent much mentioned as being charged with showing a dirty picture to a college student (???) is being charged under the “covers everything” SC porn laws. A fellow has posted said law in the comments section of story over at TPMuckraker. A careful reading will show that 100% of the male population should be doing prison time.

        • hopefully, the obscene pix will turn out to be nikki haley with marchant and folks. 😆

          the dem opponent with the obscenity problem is running for senate, not governor. unless the south carolina dems find a way to get rid of the guy, then jim demint doesn’t even have to spend a penny to get reelected. maybe there’s someone who can run as a independent against him. there’s still a question where alvin greene got the $10,000 filing fee. he’s unemployed, but he can write a check for 10 thou? something’s fishy, and i wouldn’t be at all surprised if there’s a rethug behind it.