The Mane Event

Back in January of last year, I wrote a diary over at the Big Orange with suggested hairstyles for whackadoodle (I mean, allegedly whackadoodle) Illinois ex-governor, Rod Blagojevich.  I wanted to make sure he made a good impression on the jury.  Yesterday, we talked about Carly Fiorina and her remark about Barbara Boxer’s hairdo being “so yesterday.” Now, we know that Carly’s hair is growing out after undergoing treatment for breast cancer, so I thought we would try to help her pick out a new style, if for no other reason than to show how bipartisan my advice is.

Here’s the first suggestion. Marge Simpson is a stay-at-home mother of three. I think that would sell well with the Tea Party base and evangelicals.

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Then again, perhaps you’d like something that reflects more of your personality and philosophy. Being a Rethuglican, I’ll bet you don’t care much about feeding the poor or making sure everyone has the same stellar health care you received.  Therefore, I suggest the Marie Antoinette. Instead of one of the big poofy wigs she wore, I thought this more casual style would remind the Teabaggers that you’re just like them.

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You know, Carly, everything old is new again, so don’t worry too much about looking “too yesterday.” After all, nobody could rock a hairstyle like Wilma Flintstone.  (Get it?  Rock a hairstyle!  The Flintstones and rock!  😆 )

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Or perhaps you’re going for the youth vote, like those whippersnapper Young Guns. Of course, the average age of those spring chickens (apologies to Sue Lowden)  is 49+ years old, but I bet some of them have seen Shirley Temple movies.

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The classics may be a good look for you, Carly. Elsa Lanchester made horror look good as the Bride of Frankenstein. In addition, Elsa was married to actor Charles Laughton, who was known to be gay, even though they were married for over 30 years. Just think how that will play with the Larry Craig/Mitch Yertle McConnell set and their beards!

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You know, your frenemy Meg Whitman has a style that I’m sure nobody except every living hairstylist on the planet would call “so yesterday.”

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Hey wait! I’ve got it! Go for the Princess Sarah Palin look. Just make sure you don’t forget the halo.

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Filed under Barbara Boxer, California, Homophobia, Homosexuality, humor, Larry Craig, Mitch McConnell, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Senate, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

25 responses to “The Mane Event

  1. MNLatteLiberal

    I must object and object most strongly against an innocent, a role model and a certified Playboy Sexpot Marge Simpson being dragged into the cesspool of Rethugs!

    My inner (and outer) Homer is deeply hurt and probably emotionally scarred for life by your unfair characterization. And if not for life, then at the very least until the next meal. Please take that Carlie analogy. Marge has done nothing to deserve this.

    Firstly, she had premarital sex with Homer. Secondly, mostly out of pity. Thirdly, she works with prisoners to rehabilitate them through the arts. Fourthly, she robs from the rich (Monty Burns) to give to the…well, let’s just say she stole a Faberge egg from Montgomery and leave it at that. This list goes on and on, but I am too voklempt and emotionally constipated to go enumerate the rest. Others, I am sure, will help me.

    ~ Latte

    • oh latte, i’m so sorry! 😥 i haven’t watched the simpsons in a while, so i had no idea about marge’s back story, as well as her larcenous tendencies. however, if you think about it, being larcenous fits in pretty well with the rethuglican outlook, though not the part about stealing from the rich.

      honestly, i thought i was playing it safe with the guys by using wilma instead of the crushworthy betty rubble. i guess i should check before i make any assumptions. please don’t be mad, latte. 😦

      • MNLatteLiberal

        I am going to belabor the issue in a classical Latte fashion. LMAO.

        It’s not about me being mad, nonnie :), it’s about Homer being hurt :). While I understand where you’re coming from, I think you will agree with me that it’s a bit of a stretch. Yeah, it used to be that the Dems got caught with their pants down (Teddy, Gary Hart, etc.) and the Rethugs got caught with their hand in the cookie jar (Nixon, McCain of the Keating 5 vintage, Abramoff & ____ fill in any old Rethug), the roles have largely reversed over the years. With the exception of your occasional Duke Cunninghams and Ted Stevens, stupid human money tricks are no longer in the domain of the GOP. Take that $70 grand in the LA freezer, for example. And most certainly, while we do pull a Clinton or a Spitzer, you have to agree with me that the GOP have taken over the sexual misstep genre with the sort of enthusiasm the Dems lack when and where it counts.

        But back to Marge. The fact that Marge stole or that she has three kids and is a stay at home mom means very little in light of her deeds. She supports her gay sister Patty. . When Homer launches a gay wedding chapel, she is on board. Marge has been a police woman, a body builder, a fitness club for women owner, posed for Playboy, and is VEHEMENTLY anti-gun. . “Until you decide what’s more important, your gun or your family, we can’t live in the same house!” she tells Homer when she kicks him out of the house. No, Marge is a mainstream leftie with strong cooking and cleaning tendencies which are needed to domesticate a loyal canine Homer.

        If that does not convince you, please consider that the Simpson has been forged by the likes of Matt Groening and Sam Simon, whom I’ve met at a couple of grassroots rallies for DFL here in MN. Sam is as progressive as Al Franken or Liz Winsted, take my word for it. And the rest of the gang, the current writers on the show are for the most part Hahvahd grads, who are pinko commie libs for the most part. They do try consciously to portray mainstream values and not stray too far to the left and afar from Jesus, but it’s a struggle. I’ve read that in a few places over the years.

        OK, issue belabored. Next? *g*
        ~ Latte

  2. The Wilma Flintstone one works really well on her. When you turn her into Sarah Palin, you betcha that she looks just like her. She could probably pull it off and fool that gotcha media with all that lamestream stuff, also.

    • carly just has to perfect looking more like an idiot without even opening her mouth. she’s got sounding like an idiot down pat, so now it’s just the visual she needs to tweak.

      • She needs to have a baby and carry it under her arm like a loaf of French bread for 3 years for sympathy. Then, she needs to stand in front of a turkey killing machine while giving an interview on how compassionate she is. Then, she needs to watch Jersey Shore.

        Then, and only then, is she ready for Palintime TV.

  3. I had also blogged about Carly Fiorina’s hair and compared her hair to Barbara Boxer’s hair. I also made a discovery about male politicians like myself who are obsessed about one’s own hair. Male politicians who obsess about one’s own hair are more likely to run into legal trouble.

  4. Oh nonnie!!!! You have outdone yourself here & I just had a great laugh looking at all the options & commentaries.

    A full palette of offerings from Wilma, to Shirley & Marie!!! Even threw in a bride of Frankenstein.

    Full service snark going on here. I like.
    I like very much.

  5. Had to check that Princess image to see whose neck that was but alas not the divine one who is soon due for menopause hitting her like a delivery truck. The Marge thing certainly hit some raw nerves with our orthodoxy but the Shirley one is just creepy! Image and appearence are strange things. Every time Rachel Maddow gets out and about doing a story and wearing her specs, I’m struck with the thought that I looked just like that in 11th grade.

    • you’re so funny, jerry! 😆

      although princess sarah has denied that she had her boobs enlarged, it sure looks like she has, and i’d bet anything she’s already getting botox. maybe cindy lou mccain hooked her up with her doc. princess can’t let everything start sagging, since that’s the only appeal she has to rethug men.

    • MNLatteLiberal

      I wouldn’t describe myself as “orthodoxy”; that just sounds a bit too…orthodox. I’m more of a johnnie-come-lately to the site, a distant lurker who’s a huge admirer of nonnie’s talent. But yes, the Marge thing did hit a nerve: we all have our pet causes. A sacred cow? Perhaps. You don’t throw someone who limits you to just “five servings of pork per week” under the bus. Marge is an American Institution that transcends politics. She is our Lady Di, our generation’s Jackie O. Her iconic do is royal blue for a reason.

      Stand up and salute!
      ~ Latte

      • Yes, I’m standing and saluting right now! As a dedicated Simpsons fan I understand the sacred nature of the icons involved and the great contributions to society. Orthodox means straight, catholic means general, and it’s OK to call Marge a cow as long as it’s sacred. And Nonnie is talented and witty but shuns artistic for some reason. Check out the archives sometimes, she does battle with trolls and always wins!

        • i am flogging myself and screaming doh with each strike in order to do some penance for my blasphemous use of marge simpson. please forgive me, guys. 😥

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  7. You should have given her one of Lady Gaga’s hairstyles. That would have appealed to the youth vote.

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