The Macaca Awards! Part V

We continue with nominations for the Mock, Paper, ScissorsHysterical Raisins 1st Semi-Regular Macaca Awards.

(Image courtesy of Tengrain)

Tonight’s category is Outstanding Achievement in Humpin’ While Bible-Thumpin’, and the nominees are:

Original image
(Click on image and then on that for larger version)

Carl Paladino–The Republican candidate for governor of New York in his own words:  I think my children or your children would be better off and more successful getting married and raising a family and I don’t want them to be brain washed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid or successful option, it isn’t. Yeah, they should follow in Ol’ Carl’s footsteps and cash the rent checks from his son’s gay bar in Buffalo.  Well, that and have a daughter with a woman who isn’t his wife and keep her a secret for 9 years.

David Vitter–Diaper Davy is Louisiana’s very own conservative family values candidate, even though he’s frequented prostitutes and had an aide on his payroll for 2 years, even though the guy attacked his girlfriend with a knife.

Mark Sanford–2 words–Appalachian Trail.

George Alan Rekers–He’s a  Baptist minister and a member of the founding board of the conservative Family Research Council, and he hates teh gay.  Poor George has a lot of baggage, but luckily, he found someone to help him with his load.

Mark Souder–Remember Congresscritter Souder of Indiana?  You will in a minute.  He’s the guy who recorded those videos for a local cable access  show with a women who was his part-time aide (for which she got paid $10,000-20,000 a year).  They talked about the importance of abstinence.  Only one problem:  the now ex-Congressman, who is married and a conservative who couldn’t thump his Bible loudly enough was getting his dinky stinky with the aide (who is also married) since 2004!

John Edwards–It’s not just Rethuglicans, and it’s just as icky when it’s a Democrat.

John Ensign–What happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.  Same thing goes for C Street.  And yet, just like Diaper Davy, he’s still in the Senate.  Go figure.

Let’s have a round of applause for our nominees.

Click here to vote.  Winners will be announced tomorrow.

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38 Comments

Filed under David Vitter, Family Research Council, Gay rights, Homophobia, Homosexuality, humor, John Edwards, Louisiana, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

38 responses to “The Macaca Awards! Part V

  1. jean-philippe

    Sometimes love is stronger than Bible babbling…

    I must say: I can’t believe Paladino seduced two women and kept them for years.

  2. Btw, Sanford looks hysterical. 😆

    • can you tell that’s argentinian wine in his hand? 😉

      by the way, melissa, i was waiting for you to chime in on yesterday’s poster. that’s one of my all-time faves, and it’s chock-full of little jokes for you to find. 🙂

      • I’m off my game girl. Went to bed early last night so I wouldn’t be groggy Monday morning. And woke up two minutes before I was supposed to be out the door! In one bound, I went from my bed to the bathroom doorframe. Smacked my forehead, dazed myself, got a goose egg. “Fuck” was my first word today. 🙂

        If I’d kept my routine and read your poster last night, none of that would have happen. I’ll go now.

        • i forgive you. my first word today was the same one as yours! i thought i had set my alarm correctly, but i set it for pm instead of am, so it didn’t go off when it was supposed to. i had 15 minutes to get ready (and it was a doctor’s appointment, so i couldn’t skip the shower or the clean underwear). i was amazed that i actually got there a few minutes early.

  3. you know ensign is paying them all off with his daddy’s money

  4. jeb

    Gotta go with Davey Boy Vitter because he does it in diapers. You can’t touch this!

  5. i guess larry craig being retired disqualifies him

  6. Any chance Gingrich could be recruited to give the award?

  7. Looking forward to the ceremony tomorrow and to the next time these awards are run.

  8. Aunt Snow

    I dunno, I have to reward Ensign for the sheer magnitude. Fuck your best friend’s wife, give him a job, then get him another job that happens to be illegal (lobbyist), then collude with him on behalf of his clients, then have your Mom and Dad pay him off when he starts the blackmail. Then – and here’s the best part – enlist your virtuous Christian friends to help you out with the cover-up and payoff.

    That’s some list of accomplishments. Does it beat having an affair with a crazy videographer while your wife is getting treatment for cancer? It’s a hard choice, but I think I’m going for Ensign. The Bible-thumping sanctimony of it beats out Edwards.

    • i think it shows ensign’s basic immaturity that he has to have mommy and daddy and all his c street friends fighting his battles for him.

    • Powkat

      I agree – voted for Ensign for the totality of his behavior (not just adultry, but criminal acts AND getting Mommy & Daddy to bail him out) but because he managed to have his self-righteous christian friends forgive him publicly.

      • hello powkat,

        welcome to the raisin! 😀

        if i had voted, i think i would have voted for ensign. not only because he’s such a sleaze and boinked his friend’s wife. not just because he put her kid on his payroll in order to keep her quiet. not just because he had daddy and mommy pay her and her husband off. not just because all his little bible-thumping friends covered up for him. it’s because he so looks the part.

  9. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

    • hello saa,

      welcome to the raisin. 😀

      i was once married, and i didn’t have an affair, and i didn’t preach to anyone about not having one, so i’ll get my rock ready.

      • Or, the punchline of the joke is, right after Jesus said that, a rock flew out from the back of the crowd, nails the woman in the head, and kills her.

        Jesus looks up and says, “Mother!”

        (Playing on the Catholic doctrine that Mary was sinless her entire life …)

        • i was typing out that joke as a response to the commenter, but i stopped myself, because the way i heard it, the punchline was a bit disrespectful, and i didn’t want that to be the introduction to the raisin to a newbie (even though i have no reason to believe s/he will be back).

  10. You did the right thing because you are always level headed, considerate, and sensibly restrained in these matters. But I do get amused when you and Melissa get it going over at Writechickpress with naughty girl talk. One thing about living out here in the mountains and trees, no thumping sounds, just the odd wild animal and the lovable moo cows. Did have a couple of real nice JW ladies drop by and chat me up last month. Think I surprised them in that I knew much more about scripture than they did!

    • i try to be good, especially when i’m not completely sure if someone is a troll looking for trouble or not. i am very rude, though, i must admit, when someone knocks at my door or tries to corner me in a parking lot in hopes of converting me. i’ll be polite but rather cold when i refuse the first time. if they insist, i get rude.

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