Employment for Losers

I don’t know about you, kids, but I’ve been so worried about those xwingnutsx Republicans who didn’t win their elections. What will they do now? After all, Fox News only has so many job slot they can fill. Well, you know me. I’m always here to help out the Rethugs in their time of need.

My heart broke, broke I tell ya!, when I saw Queen Meg Whitman’s reaction to losing her bid to be California’s governor to Jerry Brown. I think it’s important for her to stay busy, so I say Put on your new maid‘s uniform, and mop up those tears, Nutmeg! Maybe she can earn back some of that $160 mil she wasted.

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Someone else I’ve been worrying about is Carly Fiorina.  Sure, she’s rich, but while money can buy you a good haircut, it can’t buy you love, or a Senate seat.  While Barbara Boxer is in D.C. doing some legislatin’, I think it’s only fair that Carly tend to her demon sheep.

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Just a reminder to Sharron Angle that there are plenty of jobs available, so there’s no need to be one of those spoiled unemployed people now  that you failed miserably to dethrone Harry Reid in Nevada.  I think Sharron should take advantage of your Asian heritage and get a job as a waitress at any number of ethnic restaurants.  Hey, if they need someone to make lemonade, she’s a shoo-in!

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I heard that Carl Paladino is a big baseball fan.  Well, you may be a Rethuglican/Tea Party All-Star, but it will be Andrew Cuomo who’ll be sitting in the big boy’s seat in Albany.  I think you need to get some of your aggression out with some physical exercise, so I’ve lined up a job as a batshitboy for you.

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Finally, Little Christine Can’t Touch This O’Donnell.  I have to admit, this was a toughie.  Little Prissy Chrissie doesn’t really have any job experience in anything worthwhile, but I think I’ve finally found something that suits her.  Since she seems to be interested in science, while Chris Coons will be senatoratin’ for Delaware, Chrissie I Put the Christ in Christine O’Donnell will be working in a quality-control lab.

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I don’t know about you, kids, but I’ll sleep better knowing that we no longer have to worry about these xlosersx guys.

45 Comments

Filed under Barbara Boxer, California, Fox News, Harry Reid, humor, parody, politics, Republicans, Senate, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

45 responses to “Employment for Losers

  1. sorry so late, kids, but the power was on and off all day, and it finally went off completely for a while.

    • It was worth the wait.
      I love, love, love that Whitman blew $160 million of her own bucks to get her ass handed to her by good old Jerry Brown.
      I’ll bet he spent some of his own money too–like maybe $1,600.

      • i love that she was humiliated. i read today that more people voted for legalizing pot than her. too bad floridiots didn’t send a message that you can’t buy a governorship. 😡

        • Sara

          nonnie, I am from Florida (although not an idiot) and I can tell you we have many more “morans” in Florida than in California. Plus, Rick Scott (yuchhh) ran a brilliant television ad that consisted of his elderly, very attractive, mother telling voters what a good boy Ricky was and is. Had to have resonated positively with the retiree communities…..

  2. Ah, good to see that you are running a Wingnut Welfare to Work program, Nonnie.

    Regards,

    Tengrain

  3. You’re a good soul, Nonnie, finding these assholes work. Christine got the best gig. 😀

    You even gave Meg Whitman a fourhead with that fetching dewrag. Very nice.

  4. jeb

    Nonnie, I’m all for compassion. But isn’t the greater good served by these people remaining unemployed?

  5. i just want to go on the record and say that i miss jerry melton. i guess the raisin ranch is having problems with the internets. 😥

  6. Sara

    Nonnie,

    I read your site every day, laugh out loud and then get on with my day. My apologies for not posting sooner and letting you know how much you keep up my spirits!

    Wishing I had your gift for satire!

    • hello sara,

      welcome to the raisin! 😀

      your comment made my day. when i have those little moments of why am i even bothering?, i will think of your comment, and i’ll realize the effort is well worthwhile. thanks so much to you and to all the silent raisinettes. i hope more of them get over their shyness and say hi. 🙂

      • Sara

        nonnie,
        thanks for calling me a raisinette; I consider it quite an honor. have you ever gone to the movies and ordered popcorn and a box of Raisinettes ™? put one raisinette and one piece of popcorn in your mouth at the same time:
        fantastic! try it…..

        • and we’re honored to have you among our ranks, sara.

          i love raisinettes (both the candy and our little group here), and i love chocolate mixed with something salty. i’m trying to stay away from carbs, but one of these days when i’m binging, i just may try that. it sounds delish!

  7. jean-philippe

    Christine: “Yuck, these chewing gums I’m making taste awful.”

  8. you know with pics like that they may mistake Meggers for an illegal….

  9. That was hilarious! I love it.

  10. When finally getting to the Golden State my first priority was to get registered here in Calaveras County (it means skull in Mexican). I feel that voting against Meg and Carly was my civic duty. Everyone I voted for won, unlike Texas which would be exactly opposite. It does my heart good to see Pristine doing line work making those weenie raincoats. Lets hope the camera crew is there the day they switch the line over to “ribbed for her pleasure”!!

  11. Reasons why Nonnie should bother (1) HR is most funnest site on net (2) Topics are relevant and interesting (3) Artwork is provocative and (4) very funny (5) interaction with 99% of commentors (6) regulars have diverse and interesting things to say (7) trolling dealt with in calm, reasoned maner (8) and we should all aplaud the tireless effort of doing this every day, day after day, and maintaining the high level of creativity and wit that we have come to expect at a click onto HYSTERICAL RAISINS. And for my own historical reasons, let me send a big thanks to Kay Bailey Hutchenson R-Texas, who without your StarWhores parody and a link, I might have never even gotten here.

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