Ensign Family Values

From the Los Angeles Times:

Nevada Sen. John Ensign, facing an ethics investigation stemming from an affair with a campaign aide, said Monday he would not seek reelection because he wanted to spare his family from an “exceptionally ugly” campaign.

“At this point in my life, I have to put my family first,” Ensign told reporters at a news conference in Las Vegas.

familyguyjohnensignOriginal image

The announcement is welcome news to national Republicans who have admitted the two-term Republican would be vulnerable in the race. GOP Rep. Dean Heller, who won three statewide elections as secretary of State, is considered the party’s best candidate to retain the seat.

In February, the Senate Ethics Committee named a special counsel to investigate claims that Ensign violated ethics rules and federal law in the aftermath of his affair with Cynthia Hampton, a campaign aide married to Douglas Hampton, another Ensign aide and close friend of the senator.

Ensign acknowledged the affair in 2009, after Douglas Hampton threatened to go public. The senator later acknowledged that his parents had paid Cynthia and Douglas Hampton $96,000 after Douglas Hampton left his job in the senator’s office.

The Hamptons have suggested the payment was severance, but liberal critics have termed it an improper campaign contribution to Ensign by his parents. Ensign called the payment a gift.


The Democratic Senate Campaign Committee said in a statement that the seat was “ripe for a Democratic pickup,” citing trends in voter registration and the presence of President Obama at the top of the 2012 ticket.

The truth is that he’s not thinking about his family. He would lose. He has no money and little support from the Rethugs. He wouldn’t even survive a primary. Now the question is, will Sharron the Obtuse Angle be back? How about Sue Chickenlady Lowden? The latter was sued by a Rethug media services firm for bills accumulated during her campaign, and she says she can’t pay them (despite the fact that she’s a multi-millionaire). Maybe she can barter with them and pay them off with some chickens. I think Chickenlady’s chances in the “party of fiscal responsibility” are pretty low. The Obtuse Angle, on the other hand, is too stupid to realize how unelectable she is. There’s talk about her running for Heller’s congressional seat if Heller runs for Senate. I hope she runs for something, because she’ll flap her stupid lips and take the Rethugs totally off-message as they try to defend whatever batshittery comes out of her mouth.


Filed under Barack Obama, Congress, Democrats, humor, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, Senate, Senate Ethics Committee, snark, television, Wordpress Political Blogs

42 responses to “Ensign Family Values

  1. I love the “approved by” line. Hahaha

  2. Ha Ha, He just wants to spare his family. I suppose that’s a new thought for him? These guys have such convienent family values!

  3. Omg. Sharron Angle again. She’s good for laughing at, but one apathetic election could put her in D.C. 😯

    • No kidding. So many people around the country donated to Reid’s campaign because the thought of her as Senator just scared us too much.

    • yabbut…that district will probably go to a rethug anyway, so why not one that will be disruptive? she’ll say stupid stuff, and the other rethugs will have to defend her instead of talking about what they want to talk about. she’ll be a distraction, and i don’t see even bronzo the clown seating her on any important committees.

      • k55f

        Two words for you, Nonnie-
        Every crazy spew out of her mouth pushes us a little further from progressive ideas being construed as mainstream.

        • hello k55f,

          welcome to the raisin! πŸ˜€

          point taken. however, if a rethug is going to take that seat anyway, wouldn’t it be better to have an out-and-out nutjob instead of a stealth nutjob who will give the patina of reasonableness to the batshittery? as a plus, it would mean even more divisiveness in the house for the rethugs, and constantly having to defend her and the other wingnuts will totally take the rethugs off their talking points.

          p.s. i was a little nervous when you said you had 2 words for me. i was quite relieved to find out they were overton window. πŸ˜‰

  4. jeb

    It’s special how they always think of their family after publicly humiliating them with their narcisstic behavior. He’ll walk out scott free over the laws he violated, the trust he broke and his overall repulsive crap and we’re supposed to buy the BS that he cares about his family. He should be facing the consequences of his bad actions. He’s a pus infected boil on the butt of the body politic – which considering some of the characters out there is saying something.

  5. Friend of the court

    i’ve been considering running to get away from my family. πŸ˜‰

  6. The Chickenlady will NEVER live that one down. In fact “the opposition” made a point of having a human in a full on chicken costume (think big bird) at every one of her events.
    She clucked up her own campaign up all by herself!

    Angle would be a real comic thorn in the backside of the GOP. She’s not trained in lockstep mode & that would be amusing watching the good ol’ boys trying to tame the shrew!

    Ensign blathering on about saving his family from the ugliness.
    That ship has already sailed!

    • it’s not the chicken stuff that will keep her out of the race. it’s the fact that she didn’t pay her campaign staff and vendors. not only will she face taunts of hypocrisy when she tries to talk about fiscal matters, but she’ll be another example of the rich getting away with things that the rest of us wouldn’t. plus, what company would want her business after she stiffed someone else?

      i’d like to see angle in the spotlight again, not just for comic effect, but to watch her and batshit bachmann and princess all trying to outbatshit each other.

  7. “Family Guy”–yeah, The Family on C Street.

    As for his not running; smartest thing he could have done. Say, I wonder if Harry Reid’s son is up for the task of running for the Democratic nomination.

    • come to think of it, he didn’t mention which “family” he was going to put first. 😐

      rory reid didn’t do very well last time around, and i don’t think the voters really want two reids in the senate at once. then again, who knows? maybe they’d like to make some history. i read that shelley berkley is going to throw her hat in the ring. she actually took ensign’s seat when he gave it up to run for the senate. maybe she can take his seat again.

  8. A lot will happen between now and then. Maybe the latter day rain crowd will all go off and hide in the desert (one can only hope). And on that subject, the big PoG get together last week end is a preview of things to come? All of them trying to out-diety the others. Only one way to resolve this: tie each of the candidates to long metal poles stuck into the heartland dirt and wait for the spring thunderstorms. We’ll make a documentary film called “Last PoG Standing”.

    • i don’t think that a lot of rethugs look at how things they do will look down the line. they pander to the religious groups, but i don’t think there are enough fundies to carry them in a national election. in fact, i think it will work against them, because there are a lot of people who don’t like how much the line between religion and government has been blurred. at least, one can only hope.

  9. Snoring Dog Studio

    I’m still laughing over the fact that HIS PARENTS GAVE HIM THE HUSH MONEY!!!!! How do you frame a question like that? “Uh, mommy and daddy, I need $96,000 to shut the mouth of the guy whose wife I bonked.” Oh, to be a fly on the wall during that discussion!

    • do you get the feeling that this wasn’t the first time mumsy and dada had to bail him out? i picture little john walking into mumsy and dada’s parlor with his head down, and mumsy and dada saying what’d you do this time, you dumb shit?

  10. dick wartz

    β€œAt this point in my life, I have to put my family first,” Ensign told reporters.

    Now that he’s been caught.

    • hello dick (sorry, i can’t bring myself to type your surname),

      welcome to the raisin! πŸ˜€

      they’re always sorry once they’ve gotten caught. it’s like all those people who find religion when they go to jail.

  11. LibertyLover

    Article says: ” …Douglas Hampton, another Ensign aide and close friend of the senator.”

    I just gotta wonder just how close they are anymore?

    I remember visiting the Senate last year during the Health Care debates. Ensign wandered in to give his vote (against cloture) and he meandered the floor a bit. No one spoke to him and he just looked very, very lost and pariah-like (sort-of like G. W. Bush at a G-20 meeting). He didn’t stay long on the Senate floor.

    He’ll probably end up as a lobbyist. Isn’t that where they all end up? As a lobbyist or in jail (like Tom Delay)?

    • k55f

      Not enough end behind bars.

    • hello libertylover,

      welcome to the raisin! πŸ˜€

      i bet that poor john is plagued by marks all over his body from all those 10-foot poles being pointed in his direction from his former buddies. that’s one of the real reasons he’s not running. who would show up at his rallies? how many people can mumsy and dada pay to be at them?

      i have no doubt that he’ll wind up a lobbyist. i think most of them get their high-paying lobbying jobs, not because they have any particular talent or brilliant minds, but because they know where a lot of bodies are buried.

  12. β€œAt this point in my life, I have to put my family first,”

    As other commenters have noted, this is just too rich. If he’d been thinking of his family in the first place instead of pursuing opportunities for extra-curricular shagging, he wouldn’t be in this positing now.

    Who will run? Lowden will never live down the chicken thing. Angle is tainted by having lost in what the right wing has persuaded itself was a year of triumph for them.

    Whoever does run will face a harsher environment for Republicans than 2010 was. In a Presidential election year, they won’t have the advantage of such low voter turn-out — and Walker has shown everyone that putting Republican in power can have some pretty nasty consequences.

    • it was a double-whammy, too. the woman he was boinking was friends with his wife. it was like ricky screwing around with ethel. 😯

      i don’t think the chicken thing is what will kill lowden’s chances. it’s the fact that she doesn’t plan on paying off her campaign debts. people don’t like rich folks just walking away from their liabilities scott-free. as for the obtuse angle, i think it depends on the congressional district and how much teabagger influence there is there.

      i’m just hoping that what has been going on in wisconsin will still be going strong in 2012. dems are finally fired up, and if they don’t capitalize on the momentum, they’re fools. they should already be shouting their support for the protesters from the rooftops (or dome-tops). make walker the poster child for what things will look like if the rethugs are in charge.

  13. Great job, nonnie! BTW, congrats on the Crooks and Liars link!

  14. Don

    I am opposed to immigration and immigration “reform” (amnesty). This country is overpopulated, and 21 million Americans are out of work.

  15. watching little Jonny Ensign’s press conference was something like watching Spiderman win the Tony – pure comedy. he was so serious! how much did he pay his wife and kids to stay there – or rather how much did his rich mommy and daddy pay. the man is 55 years old and mommy and daddy are still picking up his shit.

    well it is family values