It’s My Uterus!

Change of plans, kids.  I had a post all ready to to, but at the last moment, I changed my mind.  We haven’t had a new song in a long time, and the nonsense in Tallahassee inspired me.  In fact, it’s gotten even better!  From The Miami Herald:

Florida’s Republican House speaker and a Democratic lawmaker exchanged insults Wednesday in a growing flap over the use of the word “uterus” in floor debate.

Speaker Dean Cannon said the controversy was “silly” and denied he had banned members from uttering the word.

The Winter Park Republican said he, instead, had interrupted Rep. Scott Randolph because he’d veered off policy matters when the Orlando Democrat suggested his wife would need to “incorporate her uterus” to protect herself from Republican anti-abortion proposals because of the GOP’s stance against regulating businesses.

…snip…

Randolph shot back in a news release calling Cannon the “most effective legislator when it comes to waging war on middle class Floridians.”

Scott has appeared on MSNBC’s “The Rachel Maddow Show” to discuss the matter and Democratic lawmakers are wearing pink buttons saying “UTERUS.”

The American Civil Liberties Union of Florida responded by launching a website, http://www.IncorporateMyUterus.com, where women can get a declaration of incorporation.

ACLU of Florida executive director Howard Simon said telling lawmakers their body is a business is the best way for women to get Republicans to leave it alone.

To the tune of Just the Two of Us, written by Grover Washington, as performed by Bill Withers:



For your convenience, my dear Raisinettes:

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59 Comments

Filed under abortion, ACLU, Democrats, Florida, humor, MSNBC, music parody, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

59 responses to “It’s My Uterus!

  1. jeb

    So when Rep. Patricia Schroeder famously quipped that she had a brain and a uterus and that she could use them both, she obviously didn’t mean in the Florida Legislature.

    Great song parody Nons.

  2. That was beautiful. 😥

    Hmmm. What can I be my uterus’ corporate name? Girl Town? No…maybe too lesbian. Um..Sperm Town? Sperm Motel? Semen Central? Too whorey. Baby Incubator 5000, Inc. Too matronly.

  3. elizabeth3hersh

    This was a really funny post noonie!

  4. Yeah…I fucked up that second sentence. When my reproductive system does the thinking, I get stupid. 😆

  5. elizabeth3hersh

    *nonnie

  6. Friend of the court

    too late to incorporate my uterus. maybe i could get it designated as a historical site? 😉

  7. Oh man, Nonnie, I’m so glad you are our correspondent in the Sunshine State.

    Florida is challenging Texas (lately, it seems) to be the “lab of bad government,” as Molly Ivins used to say.

    Rgds,

    Tengrain

    • the funny thing, 10G, is that i rarely pay attention to floriduhhh politics. i usually just regard it as a lost cause. however, this story really got my attention, because it will show the rest of the country how far floriduhhh has fallen. under the stewardship of the criminal in the governor’s mansion, i expect it to get much, much worse.

  8. A uterus theme song!

    I have been scouring the IRS web site looking for form # UVLP
    uterus vagina lady parts form– I want my tax cut!

    Democratic lawmakers are wearing pink buttons saying “UTERUS.”
    things really have gone to hell in Florida.
    Well, if you can’t have high speed rail, at least you can say the word uterus.

    Maybe if you win the legal move & get the high speed rail, floridians can campaign to name it the Uterus train?

    Slide on in ridin’ the U train.

  9. It’s in the basic chemistry you know. When you say sex, a D would think erotic, while the poor R think neurotic. You should offer the song for the national anthem of that new country being discussed on The Daily Show: Vagistan

    • i’m wondering what the flag will look like. i think a nice pink field (that’s what they call the background of a flag, i looked it up!) and something similar to what i have between verses right smack in the middle. what will be really interesting is what the flagpole will look like! 😆

      • Need to put Flags Of The World on your favorites. Just checked it out last night abd the have ALL the flags that ever existed with background histories, AF roundels, everything! Goes way past my Observers Book Of Flags from the 70s. For a flagpole, you might want to use that Pudmaster 3000, if we can get it away from Christine.

  10. Oh my my … and the accompanying Bill Withers music made it for me. Simply brilliant … .and should be submitted to one of the daily shows. They will love it!

    • i have it all pictured in my mind: a main singer with 3 back-up singers all dressed in pink-sequined gowns. a giant neon uterus in the background flashing on and off and rhinestone-encrusted speculums (specula?) scattered on the stage.

  11. It’s about time someone wrote a song about uteruses…uteri? don’t know plural.

  12. I was gonna incorp my uterus, too, but then the dude at the barstool next to me pointed out I don’t have one. Spoil sport. So after another beer, I thought I could incorp my guy parts….. and then I remembered I had that vasectomy thingee…. and no one would invest in a diminished corporate entity. So I had that third beer and mulled over how our gubermintz folks pay attention to all the important things in gubermint. oh well. 😉

  13. Florida…where The Handmaid’s Tale finally became a sitcom.
    😦
    Kudos to you for rising above the cognitive dissonance, Nonnie.

    ;>)

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  15. John Erickson

    The last lines? “It’s my uterus, so don’t pry”? I have only one word for you:
    OUCH!!!!
    And just to show my old-fogeyism, shouldn’t you have set your song to “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To”? I’m sure given a little time and effort, I could modify your wording appropriately.
    (I’m 48, but I claim the right to grouch like an old fart twice that age. It’s all part of the complex organism that is me! 😀 )

    • well, it’s about time you visited, john erickson! welcome to the raisin! 😀

      i have no idea why this particular song immediately popped into my brain. i hadn’t heard it in centuries, and i don’t even particularly like it. maybe i wasn’t think clearly, because i was so engrossed in planning my spaghetti bog. 😉

      • John Erickson

        You know, you have a LOT of alligators eagerly awaiting your setup down there! But remember, we only allow alligators as guard animals. If we used any other, people might think it’s a CROC! 😉
        Now, don’t you wish Frank had kept his big mouth shut …. er …. kept his big laptop shut? (Ya know, that just don’t sound right. We need a new saying for the digital age. Maybe, “kept his fat fingers untyped”? Not sure about that – sounds too much like Haweye yelling “type and cross-match for two fingers of O Negative.)
        Hey, I wasted my life in front of the TV, I’m gonna make it good for SOMETHING! 😀

        • John Erickson

          Um…make that reference to “HawKeye”, as in the doc from MASH. Not Haweye, which is the name of the idiot who made my keyboard with a K key that fell off. Along with the “quotes” key and the “W” key. Bear that in mind if I seem to start gibbering. That, or I’ve taken too many Vicodin……

        • maybe he should keep his big fat pixels to himself? that wasn’t directed at you, john, just a generic suggestion.

          p.s. i’m a tv junkie, too, so never apologize for an old sitcom reference.

          • John Erickson

            Oh heavens, I couldn’t use that phrase, it’s way too GRAPHIC! (rimshot) 😉
            If it’s from network and prior to the early 90s, I’ll get the reference. Somewhere in there, we got cable, and the US networks just kinda faded off into ether. And before you ask, yes. My wife IS a History Channel widow. And Military Channel (formerly Discovery Wings). And all the Discovery Channels. And (God help me) Lifetime, now shifted to WE. I like “Frasier” – it’s a guilty pleasure! 😀

            • i can’t stand kelsey grammer, but i love frasier.

              i’ve become a showtime fanatic. dexter, nurse jackie, the tudors (no more seasons 😥 ), united states of tara, and the borgias. of course, amc is giving them a run for their money with mad men, breaking bad, the walking dead, and now the killing. even with all that new stuff to watch, give me an old sitcom any day! dick van dyke, cheers (the sam and diane years), bob newhart, the mary tyler moore show, etc. the only one that comes close to those now is modern family. i love that show!

              • John Erickson

                Sorry, my Cheers vote goes to the Rebecca years. But bear in mind – I’m a rabid Trekkie, and Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan is one of the greatest movies ever, so I’m kinda biased towards Kirstie. There is a great movie, called something like “House Guests”, where she and John Larroquette (?) have family members move in and take over their lives. Not only is the whole movie a hoot, but there are some scenes where Kirstie is HOT!!! (Sorry, no matter how hard I try, I am guy at heart – or a bit lower.) Then again, I have a long list of heart-throbs from Trek. Grace Lee Whitney was my first crush. Marina Sirtis is KILLER in a tight, semi-transparent one-piece bathing suit, Robin Curtis sucks as Saavik but is sweet as the day is long, Nichelle Nichols is funny, witty, hot, and can sing like a blues angel, and Gates McFadden is just wonderful. (Can’t talk too much about Kirstie, never met her, nor any of the Voyager or Enterprise folk.)
                And maybe someday, I’ll tell you all about my British sci-fi squeezes. (Jan Chappell from Blakes Seven – sigh!) 😉

              • John Erickson

                p.s. If your concept is that “It’s your uterus”, shouldn’t that make the word a “myterus”? Well, in your case – my plumbing varies from yours. I hope. Otherwise, I gotta have a LONG chat with Frank! 😉

                • i certainly hope your plumbing is not like mine. the damned condo installed polybutylene pipe in my place when the pipes under the foundation were leaking. pb pipes were outlawed, because they tend to explode. i can vouch for that, because there’s a huge hole in my living room wall from where the damned pipe burst. it will cost at least $3-5 thousand bucks for just the plumbing. the damage to the walls will be additional. now i have to hope the condo will pay for it, since they put that shit in my house in the first place. so, be glad that your plumbing is nothing like mine. 😉

                  • John Erickson

                    You need a decent handyman. I suppose you’re a few thousand miles away from me. If you were within a hundred miles or so, I’d suggest you temporarily adopt me until we get your plumbing fixed! (I don’t have to worry about that here, my wife had her plumbing removed years ago. It does make it hard to get water from the well to the sink!)
                    Holy Mixed Metaphors, Batman! 😀

                    • i wish that’s all it would take, but there are very few plumbers who will even touch the damned pipes. i actually found out that the pipes were banned when i had a plumber come out so that i could move a faucet to attach to a new washing machine. he took one look and he said that ordinarily, it would be a simple job, but very few plumbers will work in any house with pb pipes, because they burst if you even look at them. they’re threaded through the attic and most of the walls, so it will be a disaster of epic proportions. 😡

                    • John Erickson

                      You just need a braver plumber! Seriously, the house my family moved into when I was 11, had unsoftened well water and steel pipes. When you’d try to undo one connection, the pipe would break 8 feet further on. My dad and I replumbed the WHOLE house, in PVC, by ourselves, without formal training. It DOES require you to be without water for a day or two, but it can be done – unless you have some pain-in-the-butt construction codes (and a pathological need to play by the rules :D).
                      Just a thought. And I work cheap! (Well, technically I work for free, but free is cheap, no?) 😉

                    • apparently, pb pipes have a horrible reputation. i called so many plumbers, and there are only 2 in the area who will replace them. i don’t know why it’s so much more difficult than regular pipe. i figure you just turn off the water, knock down some wallboard, replace the pipe, put up new walls, turn on the water, and go on with your life. of course, there’s probably a bunch of nasty mildew and mold in the walls now, and i don’t even want to think about what that might entail. since it’s a condo, nothing gets done without the approval of the condo cops, and they insist on only licensed and bonded repairmen. i just hope i don’t have to go to court to make them pay for the repairs.

                      p.s. if there are any attorneys reading here, feel free to leave any advice. 😉

                    • John Erickson

                      Hmm, I think we’ve abused the “plumbing” joke to death! 😀
                      Condo rules can be a real bear. Make sure you’ve got a couple de-humidifiers in your place, and get a humidity gauge. If the pipes are leaking, keeping the humidity down below 40% will slow any mold growth. And if you see any black mold, GET THE HELL OUT! Sorry for the vehemence, but our house in Illinois had some bad wallboard that somehow got damp. Unbeknown to us, the dang thing started growing black mold – in just a couple months. Both the wife and I had MAJOR allergy/breathing problems from it. We only found it when we were grabbing our stuff before the foreclosure. At least ONE good thing came from losing our house!

                • elizabeth3hersh

                  Stachybotrys can also cause neurological impairment (and mold remediation is often not covered by insurance policies!). I have never owned a home that didn’t have some MAJOR plumbing issue. So sorry to hear about your pipes nonnie.

                  • John Erickson

                    Thanks for that info, Elizabeth. Despite all the learning I’ve had to do for my conditions, I’m NOT well-educated medically – just spotty knowledge. And the insurance point is VERY true. We’ve talked to several people down here who own old homes (the most common type – some over 100 years old, like ours), and just about all of them lack ANY mold remediation whatsoever. Good stuff to know- thanks!

                    • elizabeth3hersh

                      Thanks John! I’m a nursing administrator (and former home health agency owner) although I specialize in psychiatry. I want to also point out that mold remediation can be detrimental to your health as well. Here’s why: you take an already toxic product like Kilz or a fungicide, and use it within a day or two of pesticide spraying you could have synergistic effects . I think nonnie9999 lives in Florida where they are spray happy (I lived in Miami for decades). On top of that the city does aerial spraying of malathion plus all the other nasty stuff in the environment that is either absorbed, ingested or inhaled. It can exacerbate an underlying medical condition (or create one!). If they use sometime toxic nonnie (and most of it is), make sure there is good ventilation in your home.

                    • John Erickson

                      Uh-oh. You’re a psychiatrist? Oh Lord, I’m toast! Uh, Nonnie, it’s been nice knowing you, but I gotta split before Elizabeth checks my records and find out my alma mater is Elgin State in Illinois. (Elgin State Mental Hospital, that is!) Dang it, I just KNEW they’d catch up to me! Time to move again! 😀

  16. Here’s another song tribute on the subject.

  17. i’ll answer down here so everything doesn’t get all squished against the margin. if there’s mold in the walls, and the condo doesn’t fix it, i’ll most likely wind up in court, as i’m sure my insurance will not cover it. in fact, i can’t even notify the insurance company, because if they find out i have pb pipe, they will raise my premiums so high, i won’t be able to afford them, or, more likely, drop me completely. insurance companies don’t want to cover houses with pb pipe, and most home inspectors will suggest to any prospective buyers not to buy a home with pb pipe. i think that’s my ace in the hole if i have to go to court, because the condo association can’t do something to an individual unit which lowers its value. i really, really don’t want to go to court, so keep your fingers crossed that the condo manager won’t be an asswipe.

    • U-ter-me, U-ter-you, U-ter-us! Reading all the pipe woes has put the evil eye on me. My flow from the goldmine had slowed to a trickle, then stoped. Check the filters and cleaned it all out of mud and gravel. No flow in house, only outside? Go to draw some emergency water while ago and an entire spigot/connector pipe fractures off in my hand. Well, I know what I’m going to be doing all day tomorrow. (we don’t drink the goldwater, probably would be fatal) Condo manager an asshole? Most likely to be. Not as much though as my former contractor boss in his fundamentalist/hyper repub glory. That motherfucker still owes me $300 I’ll never see.

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