#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement About Jon Kyl

Kids, I’m sure by now you heard about Jon Kyl’s claims about Planned Parenthood that he made on the Senate floor:

If you want an abortion, you go to Planned Parenthood. And that’s well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.

After he got slapped around by almost everyone who did a little fact-checking (from The Philadelphia Inquirer)…

Abortion constitutes 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does. More than 90 percent of the organization’s services, 96 percent if you prefer specifics – Kyl, apparently, does not – are for contraception, cancer screening, detection and treatment of sexually transmitted disease, and other health issues.

…the senator’s office issued this statement:

His remark was not intended to be a factual statement, but rather to illustrate that Planned Parenthood, a organization that receives millions of dollars in taxpayer funding, does subsidize abortions.

Stephen Colbert and his fans had a bit of fun with that on Twitter, and I thought I’d add a few more things that are not intended to be factual statements that you might not have known about Jon Kyl.  For one thing, Jon Kyl was born a Muslim…

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His middle name is Llewellyn. (That really is a factual statement.)

Jon Kyl put himself through the University of Arizona by working as an exotic dancer.  His signature move was to make teabags twirl in opposite directions…

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Jon Kyl has been happily married since 1965 to a Labrador Retriever named Edna. (Rick Santorum was the best man at their wedding.)

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Jon Kyl has been to Planned Parenthood 100 times as a patient, yet he only had 3 abortions.  Oh, and he has a wicked Ronald Reagan tattoo!

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Filed under abortion, humor, Jon Kyl, parody, politics, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ronald Reagan, Senate, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

57 responses to “#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement About Jon Kyl

  1. John Erickson

    Careful, dear lady. You need to put that #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement tag after each …. er …. dramatic statement. Otherwise, Kyl might hunt you down! 😀
    (And thanks for the original poster link on that “exotic dancer”! 😉 )

  2. jeb

    I’ve been following this and some of the stuff has been over the top hilarious (of course not as over the top as claiming that PP services are 90% abortions but who cares about facts?).

    One of my friends posted the CNN article on his Facebook page and a bunch of us jumped in with our not factual comments on Jon Kyl. One of the funniest was that “Jon Kyl was in the delivery room in Kenya when Obama was born.”

    Too bad Man-on-dog’s office didn’t put out a similar statement after he claimed SS was going to go broke (it’s not) because 1/3 of the young American workforce has been lost to abortion.

    They are definitely not meant to be factual statements, more rectal statements.

  3. More than 90% of Jon Kyl’s housekeepers used Planned Parenthood to abort his mutant love children…of incest. It’s common knowledge in Arizona that all of his housekeepers are his aunts. But don’t think he’s misogynist, because he had sex with his uncles, too. And gila monsters.

  4. The tea bag twirling exotic dancer is priceless.

  5. 😀 Nice tat!! And I love wittle Jon’s wittle stuffed elephants.

  6. Weren’t we talking about how hard it is to parody these people the other day?

    Great pictures, though. This is one of those lines that should be hard to live down.

    I wonder if Fox even covered it.

    • I see no signs of it, but I did see that they offer front-page coverage to a reality TV star posing nude, the Huffington Post being sued, and a college student committing suicide at the same time as President Obama was speaking.

      On what planet is Fox considered a real news outlet?

      • i’m not surprised that faux news didn’t cover it, because then they’d have to admit that planned parenthood is a health center, not an abortion mill. plus, they’d stir up the pot again about the moronic cast of fox & friends talking about how women can get pap smears at walgreens. they’ve already gotten plenty of attention for that. watch this, wken. i promise you won’t be disappointed.

        • “Fox and Friends” always sounded like a kids’ show to me. You know, “Barney and Friends,” “Thomas and Friends,” “Right-wing Kookery and Friends” …

          At Walgreens?

          Wow … I wonder what they thought they were talking about.

          That’s hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

          • those 3 dolts on faux & friends should be embarrassed to even show their faces. they’re so unbelievably stupid. i don’t understand why anyone would want to watch them.

    • i really should send them a thank-you gift. maybe some fruit.

      kyl is a bastard, but i never thought he was stupid. did he okay that statement, or does he just have an incompetent staff? that has to be one of the stupidest cya statements ever!

      • I’m not sure Republicans are allowed to eat fruit. Since Michelle Obama came out saying that people should eat better, I think that it’s officially off-limits.

  7. Oh, look, a post with its own built-in Twitter hashtag–tweeted!

  8. Whe Kyl retires, he will ride an elephant all the way back to Arizona.

    Once he arrives, Jon Kyl will be having threesomes w McCain & his stepford wife Cindy Lou, while bathing in the beer baronesses’ spa full of beer.

    Can we look for Kyl’s memoirs in the *fiction* section of the library??

    Jon Kyl’s not factual ill intent was fully intended.
    Playing the abortion card, what a skank.

    Kyl is 97% a liar!

  9. There have been so many classic retorts floating around and here I sit and can’t think up one decent (or indecent) smartass remark. Our postergirl Lilli was one of the mainstays of the “Real Men” mag era, all those sub-grade erotica/fiction monthlies that always had a SS man on the cover menacing a scantily clad female in his capture, torn blouse, etc. Everyone of those pubs had a Lilli St. Cyr ad in them for whatever the hell it was they were selling. Many moons ago, photos and 8mm film?-lingerie?….PS..love the doggie pic.

  10. Last Friday I heard both Kyl’s quote from the Senate floor and this follow-up explanation. And that’s why he’s a jackwagon!

  11. Most of America does not realize the problems with Factuality. Everyone knows that Factuality causes Gay-hood. It is also true that excessive Factuality causes Polar bears to lose their hair and all that excess hair is warming up the Polar Cap. We need to stamp out Factuality, NOW….because it leads to excessive texting while driving. Seriously… Facutality may work for some, and to each his own, but would you really want your sister to marry a Factualist? &&&&& according to the Westboro Papist Church…..
    God Hate Factuality!!!!

    • not to mention that facuality sounds an awful lot like faculty, and that means teachers, and we know that teachers are nothing but evil union-lovin’ money-grubbin’ blights on society.