Icky Leaks, the Saga Continues

Sorry I wasn’t around yesterday. Well, I was around and read your comments, but I was just too dead tired to answer. We left off with 2 possible leaks and the water left on. Here’s the rest of the story. I was so looking forward to a nice hot shower Thursday night to get all the dirt off me and to soothe my achy muscles. I turned on the water, pulled the lever that redirects the water from the tub spigot to the shower, and there was just a bit more than a trickle. What the hell? I turned the water on and off, but always with the same result. I was too tired to worry about it, so I got in the shower and ran from drop to drop in order to get wet and then rinse off.

I got up early (not bright and early, because I am not a morning person, and I only got a couple of hours’ sleep), and I went into the kitchen. I checked where the leak had been, and there was no water! Mike (not Joe) the Plumber had said he would return between 8 and 9 Friday morning, and he got here right on time, 9:30. He brought the shiny new water heater (not hot water heater, because that would be redundant 😛 ), and took it out to the back outside closet. I told him there was no water on the floor in the kitchen, and he went to look. He didn’t see any either. He said that that meant that there was probably no loop leak after all, and the ground had probably been saturated from the xhotx water heater after all.  That was good news.  However, the sceptre of the evil polybutylene pipes still hangs over my head (literally and figuratively, as a lot of it is in the attic).

pipes leaking raisin agent 9999 mighty mikkomouse

I told Mike (not Joe) the Plumber about the shower being slowed to a trickle, and we went into the bathroom so I could show him what I meant. He looked at it, scratched his head, and then took the shower head off. A gasket had broken and slipped and had been blocking the water flow.  The water pressure was amazing, even when compared to how it was before the gasket broke.  Now, a bit of explanation for a part of the story to make sense.  I have a diverter connected to the pipe that comes out of the wall so that I can have the regular showerhead and the handheld one.  I don’t use the handheld one, but FOMLPOMA (for those who don’t know, that stands for Fruit Of My Loins, Pain Of My Ass aka my son) likes it, and he’s here every weekend.  I don’t like the diverter I have, because it’s too hard for me to push the little sliding things on it.  I asked Mike (not Joe) the Plumber if there’s another kind that would work better.  He suggested one made by Alson.  I looked online and and saw that they sold them at Home Depot.  I asked if Mike (not Joe) the Plumber would still be here for a while, and he said yes, and I asked if he’d mind if i went to Home Depot to get one.  He said that would be fine.  Before I left, I called the store to make sure they had that particular one in the brand I wanted.  At first, when I told the guy specifically what I wanted, he said he couldn’t find it, but I gave him the item number from the website, and he said he had eleven of them (exactly what the website said).  I asked if he had the brushed nickel, and he said they only had chrome.  I can live with that, so I said I’d be by to get it.  He said he’d leave it at the customer service desk so I wouldn’t have to go all the way to the back of the store.  I thanked him and hung up.  I drove over to Home Depot, which is only a couple of miles from here.  I had some stuff I had bought there that I had been driving around with for a year that I had kept forgetting to return.  I went to the return desk, and I was given a store card for a little more than 11 bucks.  Then I went to customer service, and I told the girl working there that I was there to pick up the diverter that was supposed to have been left for me at the desk.  She didn’t see anything, so she called plumbing.  Nobody knew anything about it.  One of the salespeople came up front, and he took me back to plumbing.  He showed me the diverters, and the brand they had was Danco.  I said I didn’t want Danco, I wanted Alson’s, and the website and whomever I had spoken to assured me that they carried it.  He asked another guy who works there, and he didn’t know anything about it, and he didn’t recall seeing any diverters made by Alson.  I was getting a little angry, and they called over another guy.  I followed him to his computer, and he looked for the Anson diverter, and the only one he saw was special order and cost 60 bucks.  The one I had seen was not available online, and it only cost $15.98.  He kept trying to convince me that I must have read it wrong and then asked me if I was in the right store.  By then, I was so angry, and I turned and said I was going home, because whatever I had looked at was still on my computer.  I got home and told Mike (not Joe) the Plumber what had happened, and he said that’s why he never goes to Home Depot.  I went to my computer, and reassured myself that I was not totally nuts, and I had indeed seen an Alson’s diverter at Home Depot for $15.98.  However, I had gone to the wrong store.  😳  I asked Mike (not Joe) the Plumber how long it would take him to finish, and he said about a half hour.  The Home Depot I had called was on the other side of town, but with luck and not too much traffic, I could make it back in time.  I rushed out to the car and sped to the store.  Other than a few shitheads, traffic wasn’t bad.  I got to the store, ran in, went to the customer service desk and told the lady I was there for the diverter.  She looked around and saw it on the desk.  I glanced over to make sure it was a diverter, and it looked right.  I paid her with the card I had gotten from the return at the other store and the difference in cash.  I thanked her, ran (as best I could, I actually walked fast) to the car, and raced my way home.  When I got there, I looked at the diverter.  It was a Danco (which, by the way, was the brand they tried to sell me at the Home Depot that’s only a couple of miles from my house)!!!  I went inside, and Mike (not Joe) the Plumber was just finishing up, so at least my timing was pretty good.  I told him what happened and how I was given a Danco instead of an Alson, and he said we should try it.  While he was fiddling with the shower, I wrote him a check for the xhotx water heater.  I went back into the bathroom just as he was trying out the diverter, and, believe it or not, the damned thing was broken!  Grrrrrr.  Mike (not Joe) the Plumber took it off, and just put the regular showerhead back on.  He had another job to get to.

After Mike (not Joe) the Plumber left, I called Home Depot’s 800 number and said that I had a complaint.  I spoke to  Cheryl (not Joe) the customer service lady, and I told her the whole sordid story (leaving out the part about how I went to the wrong store, because that would have made me sound like an idiot).  I said that I wasted gas and time and that I had a plumber I was paying here at the house (hey, I never said I was paying him to install the diverter, and it’s not my fault if she inferred that).  She said I needed to resolve it with the store, and I belligerently said that I didn’t want to deal with the store.  Cheryl (not Joe) the customer service lady asked me for the part number, and she said that when she put it in her computer, it only came up with Danco.  I kept telling her that I was looking at my screen, and I saw Alson’s.  Then I opened a new window, put in the SKU number, and I got 2 results–the Danco and the Alson’s.  For some reason, Cheryl (not Joe) the customer service lady could not get the same results.  She told me to hold on, and she spoke to Sandy (not Joe) the store manager on another line.  She went back and forth between Sandy (not Joe) the store manager and myself.  Finally, Cheryl (not Joe) the customer service lady saw the Alson’s on her screen after I had opened another window and realized that they had assigned the same SKU number to both brands of diverters.  She said it must be an old number that they reused and it pulled up an item they no longer sell.  I told her that that was the store’s problem, not mine, and she agreed.  Then she said that she would make a full report about what happened, and she asked for my name, address, and email addy.  All this time, she had been going back and forth between speaking to me and speaking to Sandy (not Joe) the store manager.  She said that Sandy (not Joe) the store manager wanted to speak to me so they could resolve the problem.  I said okay, and Cheryl (not Joe) the customer service lady connected me to Cheryl (not Joe) the store manager.  Cheryl (not Joe) the store manager went over the story with me again, and she, like everyone else at Home Depot was unable to find the Alson’s diverter on her computer.  Finally, I asked her to connect to the internets, and I gave her the exact url that I was on.  She finally saw the Alson’s one.  She said that she would special order that one for me.  I said that does me no good, because I couldn’t connect it myself.  She said that she would order it, have it overnighted to me, and that I should call her on Monday, and she would send over someone to install it for me.  She asked if that would be okay, and I said yes.  Now, I am nothing if not ballsy, so I said, “As long as you have to order it anyway, could you get one that’s brushed nickel?”  😆  She said that wouldn’t be a problem.

So, that little drama was over.  I looked at my house, and it was a mess, inside and out.  I don’t know why I bothered to mop the day before, because the floor was covered with muddy footprints like you wouldn’t believe.  It was either mop it all up or open a dance studio.  I could tell people that each set of footprints was for different dances.  First, though, I looked outside and saw the mess out there.  Everything that had been in the outside closet was lying on the lawn.  A ladder, a shovel, tiles left over from when I redid the floor, aluminum sheets for the windows (I bought hurricane shutters for everything except the kitchen window and the clearstory window that spans the living and dining rooms), some buckets, and a few other things.  First thing I did was to get rid of the weeds that had been growing inside the closet.  I don’t know what the hell that stuff is, but it grows fast and thick and it’s like long (several feet) soggy strand of threads all tangled together.  I shoveled all that stuff into the canal in the back.  The ladder had rotted from the water, and the tiles and shutters were filthy.  I decided to clean up everything.  First was the back step.  It was disgusting.  I hosed it down and swept the water off.  Then, since I was back there, I washed the glass doors, took off the screen and hosed it off.  I hosed off the tiles and the larger aluminum sheets, and left them out to dry.  Then I went inside to wash the disgusting floors.  I had just gotten the kitchen floor cleaned when the thunder started.  I went outside, put all the tiles under the overhang, and put the aluminum and the buckets in the closet with the new xhotx water heater.  By that point, I could barely walk, but the floor was not going to clean itself, so I finished.  Even though I had just mopped it the day before, it was so caked with mud that it took me almost 2 hours to get it clean.  Then I decided that I had to go to the store, because FOMLPOMA would be there that night.  I was so filthy (dirt caked under the fingernails kinda filthy) that I had to take a shower before going anywhere.

Now it’s time for another explanation.  I have one of those Scrubbing Bubbles things that hangs on your shower (by the way, Mike (not Joe) the Plumber scolded me for hanging anything from the showerhead).  I keep my bar of soap atop it.  So, I go into the shower, and i turn it on.  Keep in mind that the water pressure is now one of a water cannon.  What I hadn’t figured on is that, without the diverter, the shower head was higher than it used to be.  Therefore, the spray hit the top of the Scrubbing Bubbles thing.  Water was going everywhere!  It hit me square in the face, and I couldn’t see anything.  In addition, the water was so powerful that it actually skimmed soap off the bar, and it went into my mouth.  All I could taste was soap, and I was flailing my arms trying to reach the faucet.  I think I might be the only person to waterboard herself and wash her mouth out with soap at the same time.  The whole thing was so ridiculous, I stood in the shower and laughed.  I lived to tell about it, got dressed, went to the store, got soaked in the pouring rain, and then headed home, exhausted, wet, and walking like Tim Conway did when he played the really old man on The Carol Burnett Show.

Epilogue (for those who could stand to read all this nonsense):  I remembered to take the Scrubbing Bubbles thing off the shower before turning it on, and I was able to take a shower today without endangering myself.  The new xhotx water heater is working fine.  The water is so much hotter now.  I guess I didn’t realize that the old one was not heating the water as hot as it used to, because it was such a gradual change.  Good thing I warned FOMLPOMA before he took a shower today, because I’d like grandchildren one day.  No more water leaking up from the kitchen floor.  Even though it turned out that there is probably not a loop leak, I think that the president of the condo is going to replace the evil poly pipes.  Yay!!  FOMLPOMA answered the door this afternoon, and it was UPS with a package for me.  I opened it up to find a brand new brushed nickel Alson diverter.  It’s lovely!   On Monday, I’ll go back to Home Depot (the one that’s only 2 miles away) and return the Danco one that I bought, and I’ll call Sandy (not Joe) the store manager to arrange to have the Alson one installed.

Thanks to all the Raisinettes for sticking around, even when there were no new posters.  I hope to have a new poster tomorrow night.  If not, then on Monday.  Love you guys!!


Filed under humor, Mighty Mikk0mouse, parody, Raisin, snark

22 responses to “Icky Leaks, the Saga Continues

  1. Now see, you done scared everybody off. I must say, this is the most epic tale on HR since my tortutious day trying to get over Carson Pass. Keep this up and we will recomend you for one of those stupid Angies List commercials (good thing the plumber didn’t charge the woman $90/hr. while taking the dog out to shit). We just never know what hand life will deal us tommorrow, just hope jokers don’t come up. Like my idylic life, what could upset my easy country living ? Well, the cyotes eliminated two of my yearling cats first of the week. Heard a big pack of them yipping and howling last night, just after dark, out in the cowland. Sis said when she had her big place up at Arnold that a Puma got ahold of her big dog and took a paw-sized streak of meat off its hindquarter. So now I’ve got to keep the long guns loaded and do recce at dawn and dusk till further notice. Oh well, just part of living in nature. And you would think being out in the middle of nowhere would eliminate big city drama. So I’m just kicking back this afternoon watching my man Kyle take the checkered flag at Richmond in that #18 M&Ms Toyota when I hear a god-awful racket over the loud TV, go out on the deck and see a gagle of black and white CHP, lights flashing, sirens wailing, come screaming down the road, take the private road off our lane that goes up to the top of the hill where the rich people live. Three of them. And later I hear at least three gunshots….??? Quiet country living my ass!

    • 😆 i’m laughing, because while this was all going on, i was thinking how it would look as an ad for angie’s list. maybe we should take all the adventures described at the raisin and send them to a publisher. we can call it the raisin chronicles, or something similar.

      i’m sorry about your little cats. that’s so sad. it sounds like you’re living in an episode of mutual of omaha’s wild kingdom (there i go showing my age again).

      you must report back about the gunshots. we might include that story in the book! 😉

      • UPDATE: Mystery solved-all that comotion and frantic CHP stuff was on account of an 80 year old man up on the hill who seems to have driven his four wheel ATV over a cliff and lay maimed for hours until found. As they say in these parts: DUDE!…..and nature takes away, and then it gives back….Sis found a quartet of feral kittens back behind the house in town, about four weeks old: a yellow tiger, a yellow and white, a gray and white, and a sylvester that likes to bite my fingertips. You would get a good laugh watching me feed them with kitty bottles!

        • oh, poor little old man. i hope he’s okay.

          how many cats does that make, jerry? you must have a whole herd by now.

          • Lets see, started with 6, now -2, +4= should be eight, four growed, four very small. Going to have to keep a close eye on those little kittens when I take them out in the yard lest the hawks get them. Plenty of room out here. Got a meadow on one side and a small forest on the other. Then there all that cowland and the old haunted house my sister wants me to bring back to life. Have to train the new batch to heard which should be no problem as they like to congregate enmasse on my chest right up by my face giving me that “are you my mother?” look.

  2. Sara

    nonnie, I read every word and laughed my head off! Home Depot is one of those places “you can’t live with; can’t live without” and I have to say, I was impressed that you called them on the broken diverter. Too often, I just swear, chuck it and start over. Which is probably why your bank balance is higher than mine.
    As for FOMLPOMA, would love to hear more about him when you have the time. Where is he coming home from each weekend?

    • sara, the truth is that i almost never go to home depot. i prefer lowe’s. i only went, because the website said they had the diverter. stores have to be careful of people with nothing better to do than complain about their lousy service or defective goods. i got pissed off at macy’s when the cashier literally walked away from me without a word and started a conversation with some lady in the middle of the store instead of ringing up my purchases. i dumped the stuff on the floor, walked out, and went to penney’s, where they have the absolute nicest and most helpful salespeople. i spent plenty of money there instead of giving macy’s one cent. when i got home, i wrote a scathing email to macy’s corporate headquarters. it wasn’t just the cashier who was nasty, but everyone i had contact with in the store. about a week later, i got a call from an assistant manager at the store. at first, she was kinda nasty, but as i told her about all horrible people she had working for her (no names, i don’t like to get people fired), she was appalled. she said they just had classes on customer service. i told her that they need a new teacher, because they’re clearly not learning. we were on the phone for at least a half hour, and she was apologizing and asking me for advice on what to tell the salespeople as to how to treat customers. then she said she was sending me a $25 gift card in the mail. when i got it, i went back to the same store, and the salesman who helped me was very nice. i told him about how i got the gift card, and he said that a lot of the staff was told that they had better have an attitude adjustment when they dealt with customers. FOMLPOMA got a nice free pair of pants (dockers on sale, and i had a coupon, too!). 😀

      complaining is one of my favorite things to do. i yell and get very nasty, and then i tell the person i’m speaking to that i know that what happened wasn’t their fault, but i’m frustrated and angry. then, they’re not mad at me, and we become buddies. that’s when i get my freebies. i oughta write a book! 😆

      FOMLPOMA has an apartment on singer island up in riviera beach. all his friends live down here, so he comes down every weekend.

  3. John Erickson

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but I could just see you in the shower, flailing away at the faucets with a mouthful of soapy water! You could stand, shoulder to shoulder, with the best of the Stooges routines! 😀
    Just count yourself lucky this happened in the digital age. Before computers were everywhere, back in 1987, I went into an auto parts store for a new air filter for my new (back then) Cavalier. I looked up the number in the book next to the filters, found the number, grabbed the box and went home, only to find the filter was the wrong size. I went back, re-checked the book (figuring I’d had a brain fart), and found that I had grabbed the right box. Peeved, I left the new one at the counter, went out to my car, pulled the old filter out, took it in and sorted through the varieties until I found one to fit – listed for a Pontiac Firebird (not even CLOSE!). About this time, the clerk comes back and asks if I need help. I told him the book was wrong, and I had found the part. He proceeded to OPEN THE BOOK TO LOOK FOR THE NUMBER! I repeated that the book was wrong, and he questioned if I had the right part! After showing him the actual filters, he still wanted to look SOMETHING up! I grabbed the RIGHT filter, and my dirty filter, walked up to the cashier (who also happened to be the manager) and told him the book was wrong. He said he’d look into it. I checked out, and starting going to a different branch of the store, and would always go in with the number on a sheet of paper – and refuse ANY help.
    It ain’t just you, and it ain’t just car parts. When you pay counter help minimum wage, you don’t get PhDs. I’ve learned to love local hardware stores, ACE where we used to live. You’ll always find that ONE guy. Ours was a surly SOB who hated women in hardware stores and ATE cigars (not smoked – ate). But he knew his stuff, and most of my folks’ house and parts of my former house were all plumbed with parts from him. Ask Mike (not Joe) where he gets his parts. And avoid huge home centers like the plague, unless you have a printout AND a club in hand! 😀
    Glad to hear life is not only back to normal, but better! Enjoy being dry – it’s a highly under-rated experience! 😉

    • that’s what i have to go through just to have a guy picture me naked in the shower? damn, i’m old! i hope what you pictured is way better than the reality, john. it almost has to be. 😥

      mike (not joe) the plumber told me that he never goes to home depot. he said that their merchandise is either not what you wanted or broken. he said lowe’s is better than home depot (i totally agree), but he rarely goes to either one. he said that, if you need plumbing parts, go to a plumbing supply store. he said he goes to one that’s up in deerfield beach, which is a bit of a drive from here, but there are some closer. i rarely need anything more than a new clapper for the toilet, but if i ever get to redo the half-bathroom (it makes me puke just to go in there), i’ll definitely make my purchases at the plumbing supply store.

      • John Erickson

        Dear lady, as you get to know me better, you will realise that comparison to the Three Stooges is the HIGHEST form of flattery I can muster. Hey, any brain-dead bimbo can strip naked, but to be worthy of comparison to Curly is a truly rare gift! 😀
        (Wow – that came out sounding ALL wrong!)
        How ’bout this? Any lady friend of Melissa has to be intelligent AND smokin’ hot! I just didn’t want to sound like a sexist pig! 😉
        (Is that any better? Sorry, it’s been a long day and the grey cells are running on empty.)
        And if it makes you feel any better, I have NEVER had the hots for “girls”. All my lady friends, girlfriends, and even the wife were over 30 before I’d consider them. And smarts, which you have in abundance, are a HUGE part of attractiveness, as is a great sense of humour. From where I’m sitting, that does indeed make you one beautiful lady, inside AND out! 🙂

        • thank you, john, that’s very flattering. instead of the 3 stooges, while the events were unfolding, i remember thinking that i was stuck in an episode of i love lucy, and i was lucy. 🙂

  4. Friend of the court

    i am exausted just reading about your waterloo, nonnie. 🙂 unlike the little french guy, you seem to have won. fred put a water filter thingie on my kitchen fawcet. if it is set to filter when you turn on the water, the unit falls off into the sink. i always remember to check, unless i’m in a hurry. i’m afraid that my language during those little mishaps is taking some of the chrome off the unit.

    • ironically, fotc, since the leak, i’ve been craving layered flaky desserts.

      call fred back to install the filter correctly before someone gets hurt! 😯 after all, who knows who might be in the line of fire when you get pissed off enough to hurl that sucker clear across the room. 😉

  5. What a strange and terrible saga, Nonnie. Having had some plumbing ‘adventures’ in my time your getting some of that resolved is a relief, I’m sure. A wet raisin is a sad thing.


  6. jeb

    Nonnie, your observation about being the only person to have waterboarded yourself while washing your mouth out with soap nearly made me pee my pants. Life hits us all with these little misfortunes but the ability to laugh at them – or more importantly to paint the picture in such hilarious detail – is a gift. So, your detailed description of your adventure lifted my spirits since my beloved returned to Belgium today.

    Thanks Nons.

    • well, jeb, i didn’t include it in the story, because it makes me sound even flakier, but since you need some cheering up, here’s the detail i left out. when my mind is going in 15 different directions, i get a bit absent-minded, and i do things like forget to take off my glasses when i get in the shower. this was one of those occasions. so, not only was water being sprayed all over the place from it hitting and careening off the scrubbing bubbles bottle (and sending the offending soap into my mouth), but it was also being propelled as it violently hit the lenses of my glasses. so, add that to the picture of the flailing foamy-mouthed imbecile. if i couldn’t laugh, i’d commit myself. 😉

  7. Man oh man! I am NEVER complaining about ANYthing ever again.
    Well, maybe just not plumbing.
    And plumbing related catastrophes.