Red Meat & the Meathead

From TIME Swampland:

Michele Bachmann is ambling through the aisles of a cramped meat locker in an industrial section of Des Moines. Massive sides of beef, weighing up to 950 lbs., hang from hooks near the ceiling and droplets of blood pool on the frigid floor. You can see your breath. Bundled in a blue coat, a string of pearls around her neck glittering in the low light, Bachmann trades small talk and gamely slices slabs of rib eye in the cutting room. “My grandfather owned a meat market in Iowa,” she tells the manager of the family-owned meatpacking plant, which has operated since 1869 and employs six workers. It is a perfectly scripted set piece for Bachmann, whose two-day swing through the Hawkeye State this week is designed to accentuate her blue-collar, Midwestern bona fides, her connection to Iowans and her commitment to the retail politicking it takes to win the state’s first-in-the-nation caucus this winter. When you want to win Iowa, this is the type of place you spend a drizzly Tuesday morning.

And all blue-collar Midwestern girls wear open-toed strappy high heels in cold and bloody meat lockers.

Original DVD cover

And Bachmann doesn’t just want to win Iowa. She has to. […] A loss in her own wheelhouse would torpedo her candidacy.

Outside of Iowa, things aren’t going so well. Five weeks after a victory in the Ames Straw Poll capped an electric campaign launch, Bachmann is sliding badly. A new national USA Today/Gallup poll released on Tuesday saw Bachmann’s poll numbers plunge to 5%, far behind Rick Perry, at 31%, and Mitt Romney, who garnered 24%.


The Minnesota congresswoman has also been damaged by acidic appraisals from unpaid adviser Ed Rollins, who stepped down from his role as campaign manager earlier this month citing “fatigue.” On Monday, he suggested that Bachmann would struggle to weather the grueling slog of a 50-state campaign.


In the chill air of the meat locker, Bachmann shrugged off that argument, as well as her sagging poll numbers. “We saw another candidate emerge, and now of course that always changes the dynamic. But we’re doing exactly what we need to do,” she said.


Though her national campaign may be floundering, Iowa insiders say it would be a mistake to dismiss Bachmann. “She has the best combination of a conservative record and the organization she needs,” says Steve Deace, an influential conservative radio talk-show host in Des Moines. Four years ago, Deace’s incessant hammering helped derail the Romney campaign. This time, he’s dismayed by what he sees from Perry, whom Deace recently took to task for a 2008 letter that appears to encourage Congress to pass a bank bailout. “He’s not who we thought he was,” Deace says. Bachmann, he adds, must “deliver the necessary kill shot. If Rick Perry’s body is still smoldering, he will beat Michele Bachmann. She will have to finish him off.”

Oh, the rhetoric is lovely in Iowa.

Bachmann showed signs of adopting that strategy last week, when she blasted Perry over his immigration policy and the Gardasil vaccine mandate. But she went too far by parroting a myth about the vaccine’s side effects. The stubborn storyline that emerged wasn’t Perry’s adoption of a policy that is anathema to many conservatives; it was Bachmann’s tendency to fudge the facts. Bachmann may have the rhetorical kill shot in her, but her own candidacy could be the likeliest victim.


Filed under humor, Immigration, Iowa, Mitt Romney, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

36 responses to “Red Meat & the Meathead

  1. elizabeth3hersh

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! (Sorry, I’m vegetarian.)

    I’ve been following your other posts…too tired to comment since I had to time-shift 12 hours last week. Keep up the good work!

  2. jeb

    It’s a circular firing squad.

  3. John Erickson

    Pity somebody didn’t “accidentally” lose the key to the meat locker door. “Bachmann on Ice” is a show I’d pay to go see!
    “She may have a kill shot in her, but it’s likely to be her own campaign.” What’s the old phrase? “Better to keep your mouth shut and let everybody think you’re an idiot, then to open it and remove all doubt.” Sounds like her campaign advisors’ best move would involve crazy glue and a WHOLE lotta duct tape!

    • and glue would work. it would become crazy glue just from the contact with bbb. i wonder how long before she finally admits that her campaign is nothing but a joke.

  4. “Sounds like her campaign advisors’ best move would involve crazy glue and a WHOLE lotta duct tape!”

    I have nothing to add to John’s comment.

    Great poster, Nonnie. And … well, … really weird and disturbing of her to appear at a meat locker.

    • i think that’s what her campaign adviser did, at least rhetorically. i don’t know what’s going on in ed rollins’s mind. he threw her so far under the bus, you could barely see the end of her false eyelashes. he knows that she’s a joke and that she always was one. i guess his pockets were feeling a bit too empty, so he figured he’d cash in when he still could.

  5. Thank goodness the carcasses aren’t wearing pearls or I wouldn’t be able to tell her apart.

  6. jean-philippe

    So Bachmann finally introduces us to her senior advisors…

  7. Hey, Madame Representative! When people say that your base likes red meat, they don’t mean it that literally!

  8. maggiejean

    Good one nonnie. Do you stay awake at night thinking of what to do next, or does it just pop into your head?

    • when i’m really lucky, i see or hear a story, and a movie or tv show immediately pops into my head. when i’m pretty lucky, i see or hear a story that appeals to me, and when i google some key words, a movie or tv show or other image comes up that fits pretty well. when i’m not very lucky, i don’t find anything that particularly appeals to me, story or image-wise, and that’s when i tell myself that nobody would be mad at me for taking a day off, but then i keep digging into the wee hours to find something i can do.

  9. …”A loss in her own wheelhouse would torpedo her candidacy”…It seems she’s on one end steering by idiotic dead recconing while the hubby, keeping close tabs on any torpedo shaped objects, is on the other end (if it’s a fairy boat). But she has this campaign thing down pat. Like Pat Buchanan or maybe even Pat Robertson. Proving Iowa doesn”t meam shit.

  10. Snoring Dog Studio

    Bachmann and Perry – there are no “lesser of two evils” here – they’re both equally rotten and dangerous.

  11. gregg

    amazingly there is another “debate” tonight. it would make sense if this series were on just one nitwork as part of the new improved fall lineup instead of jumping about the tube from pit to pit. then one could just eliminate that station from the selector device ( i still call the remote the channel changer to my wife’s dismay) and never stumble on these meat heads by accident again.

  12. 😆 @ And all blue-collar Midwestern girls wear open-toed strappy high heels in cold and bloody meat lockers.

    Makes as much sense as she does.

  13. I guess Bachmann opened her yap w/o thinking again, and made this statement @ the debate:
    “I think you earned every dollar. You should get to keep every dollar that you earn. That’s your money. that’s not the government’s money. That’s the whole point,” Rep. Michele Bachmann said at the FOX News debate.

    So does Bachmann go on to call for a repeal of federal income tax? “Obviously, we have to give money back to the government so we can run the government, …

    So maybe not every dollar, or she’d have to run the government on ether or Hot air???