Giving Herman a Pizza His Mind

From Timothy Egan at Opinionator at The New York Times:

By almost any measure — social, political, economic, logical — Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 tax plan is nuts, nuts, nuts. Go ahead and jack up the price of nearly everything that moves in the United States with a 9 percent national sales tax on all new purchases and services. Talk about instant branding: every time you buy something, you’ll be hit with the Herm Cain tax at the checkout line.

And this is just the start. The nearly 50 million filers whose main federal tax is now a payroll deduction and not an income tax would see their overall bill from the government increase by nearly 100 percent. This conclusion comes from the economists and fact-checkers who have actually looked at the napkin sketch of a plan Cain got from some accountant friend of his in Cleveland.

pizza tea party

In essence, Cain is proposing the largest shift in tax burden from the wealthy to the poor and middle class in the nation’s history. Oh, and he apparently would scrap the two great government programs that keep millions clinging to fragile middle-class status — Social Security and Medicare — because he wants to eliminate the payroll taxes that now pay for those insurers of dignity.


Not to worry: fruit flies on a bad apple have a longer life than does a front-runner among Republican presidential candidates.  Cain’s reign will be short because his central plan is pure craziness, even for Republicans.

Let’s say you buy a new car or a week’s worth of groceries, or pay $2,000 for your kid’s dental work. Cain would add 9 percent to the price of those transactions — on top of the 9 percent in sales taxes people already pay in some states, like Washington, where I live. And if you’re lower middle class, there would be no income tax offset — but an increase!

That’s the Cain platform: raise the price of everything in the worse economic crisis since the Great Depression.


Cain tops the polls because almost three-quarters of Republican primary voters cannot come around to their likely nominee, Mitt Romney. And the rest of the field lose voters every time they open their mouths.


The power of his plan, Cain replies to all criticism, is its simplicity. “I can explain it in a minute!” he says. But someone who has taken more than a minute with 9-9-9 — Bruce Bartlett, the former economic adviser to Presidents Reagan and George H. W. Bush — has called it “insane.” Read his examination in his Times blog here.

From Amanda Terkel at THE HUFFINGTON POST:

WASHINGTON — In Herman Cain’s America, the tax code would be very, very simple: The corporate income tax rate would be 9 percent, the personal income tax rate would be 9 percent and the national sales tax rate would be 9 percent.

But there’s already a 999 plan out there, in a land called SimCity.

Long before Cain was running for president and getting attention for his 999 plan, the residents of SimCity 4 — which was released in 2003 — were living under a system where the default tax rate was 9 percent for commercial taxes, 9 percent for industrial taxes and 9 percent for residential taxes. (That is, of course, if you didn’t use the cheat codes to get unlimited money and avoid taxes altogether.)


Kip Katsarelis, a senior producer for Maxis, the company that created the SimCity series, was excited that politicians may be looking to video games for ideas.

“We encourage politicians to continue to look to innovative games like SimCity for inspiration for social and economic change,” said Katsarelis. “While we at Maxis and Electronic Arts do not endorse any political candidates or their platforms, it’s interesting to see GOP candidate Herman Cain propose a simplified tax system like one we designed for the video game SimCity 4.”


When asked about similarities between Cain’s plan and SimCity’s default tax rates, Cain campaign spokesman JD Gordon replied, “Well, we all like 9-9-9.”

Rich Lowrie, the Ohio Wells Fargo employee who is the brains behind Cain’s plan, did not return a request for comment regarding whether he is a fan of SimCity and looked to the game for inspiration.

A receptionist at Lowrie’s Wells Fargo office said she doubted his idea came from SimCity. “Probably not,” she told The Huffington Post. “I don’t think he’s much of a game person.”


Filed under humor, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

36 responses to “Giving Herman a Pizza His Mind

  1. LOVE your title. 😀

    Should I wager Cain sticking his foot in his mouth in some egregious manner by Wednesday the 19th? Or does anyone think he can make it through the weekend?

    • thanks, m’liss! i would have answered earlier, but i went to the optometrist this afternoon. that was the first time in over 10 years or so. my pupils dilated more than my cervix did when my son was born. i spent the day squinting and bumping into things as the back of my eyeballs screamed at any sign of sunlight.

      herb is so arrogant that i don’t think he can go even a day without saying something stupid. he doesn’t think he needs to do any fact-checking, because he’s 100% convinced that he’s right about everything, so he doesn’t have to worry about the details.

  2. I’m finding all this amusing – reality TV at its best (worst?) !

    • hello nonstepmom,

      welcome to the raisin! 😀

      i spent some time reading over at your blog, and it was thoroughly enjoyable. i loved the picture you posted of zenos frudakis’s amazing work. here’s a link if any of the raisinettes want to see what i’m talking about (or click on nonstepmom’s link and find the link there. you’ll enjoy her writing as well).

      please visit again, nonstepmom! 🙂

  3. John Erickson

    So that would make taxes in downtown Chicago what, something around 30%? YEESH!
    Where’s a re-entering satellite when you need one?

    • herb will simply say that’s a lie. he really thinks that’s all he has to do. he doesn’t think he needs to offer any proof, and he really has no understanding of what’s in his plan. he just knows that he likes the sound of 9-9-9. his thinking is as deep as a thin-crust pizza.

  4. jean-philippe

    Cain finally listen to the tea party! Middle class people begging to pay more taxes because they have too much money. God bless him.

    • did you hear that there’s a new protest group that’s the anti-occupy wall street? they call themselves the 53%. they complain that they have shitty jobs with shitty salaries and shitty benefits and can’t afford to take care of their families, but they don’t blame wall street. every election, we say that there are people who consistently vote against their own interests. now the imbeciles have given themselves a title. instead of standing up to the people ripping them off, they bend over, grab their ankles, and apologize when they cry when they get it up the ass.

      • I think we’ve talked about it before … these are people who would have made great serfs, or who are like abused children, etc.. They just believe that it’s right that their exploited. It’s really, really sad.

        I don’t have my own personal lobbyist, and kind of suspect that people who do MIGHT just be able to sway the government’s policies a little bit …

        • there are people with self-esteem issues, so when some koch-brother-paid-for shill flatters them and tells them how special they are, they’ll believe that they really are being respected by the ultra-rich and are rally one of them, even though they don’t have squat. it’s really rather sad that people can be that insecure and that so many people are anxious to take advantage of them.

  5. I see the Sim City 4 poster and the $9.99 with 9% tax on Tootsie Tea.

    It’s a rare day when I blog about something before you, but I did.

    “Plan 999 from Outer Space” is really from Sim City

    I’m also blogging about Occupy Detroit. Just follow the tag.

  6. maggiejean

    The republican primary is like watching a funny movie. Sadly, the outcome could be very important. Dumb stuff and lies, lies and more lies.

    • it’s all very amusing if you allow yourself to forget what the context is. like nonstepmom said above, it’s like a reality show. we have a reality show mentality in this country. too many people vote for personalities instead of substance and showmanship instead of brains and an understanding of the issues.

  7. It’s all just a good laugh, but all know the antiromney stands no chance of being nominated. Just imagine Candidate Cain being challenged at a debate with Obama to step to center stage and do the paper bag test! The goper umins and thermins will divine the Willard…and he will lose.

    • at this point, i’m really not sure what will happen. the people who vote in primaries are not like ordinary voters. i’m not even sure that the rethugs want to win the white house. i think they’re going to concentrate on the house and senate. even if obama wins, his hands will be tied with a rethuglican congress. the teabaggers might nominate herb just to show they can.

  8. In Massachusetts the sales tax would be 15.25%, 6.25 Mass.

    Cain will soon be shown the door, as the asshole hasn’t said much of anything else.

  9. As much as I hate to say it, I think that Romney’s rebuttal was one of the best I’ve heard. (I had said something similar to a Cain-considering friend of mine …) Just because an answer is simple doesn’t mean it’s good.

    What I had said was that if your tax plan fits on a bumper sticker, it’s probably good for campaigning but bad for actual governance.

    I think Cain’s main function is to make bigots feel good about themselves. See, look, they let a black guy be the front-runner for a little while! I mean, this guy is out praising people for having Confederate flags beside their “Cain 2012” stickers, and says he’s never experiences racism, etc..

    The more I hear from him, the less I like him … I kind of wish that there was a Godfather’s Pizza around here so that I could boycott it just to make a point.

    • i think the function of cain is 2-fold. he allows the rethugs to say that they’re not racist, and it allows everyone who hates mittsie to be split between more candidates so that mittsie can win the nomination.

      i agree that mittsie’s rebuttal was very good, but he’s been practicing his debating skills for years, and it’s not like he was battling with geniuses. mittsie isn’t stupid. that’s not his problem. what is his problem is that he’s so insincere. he has not true convictions other than the idea that he’s entitled to be president. he’s not very likable either. when he walks around telling middle class people that he feels their pain, i would love for someone to ask him how. he’s never had to choose between medical care and a car payment. he’s never had to worry about losing his house. he’s never served in the military, and he never had to worry about a son who is serving. when he feels our pain, i wonder what exactly that pain is. maybe he says that when he misses lunch and has hunger pains.

  10. On top of states with a sales tax is what is really going to hurt across the board. Here in CA, the tax rate is 8.75%. So, 17.75%?? That’s close to 20%.
    A $30K car will now cost close to $36K (excluding title and reg fees)? Sounds like a great plan. Ugh.

  11. Nonnie9999: I can’t get enough of your blog. I am now late for work because I’ve been sitting here soaking up different portions of your Hermie post. I don’t think I’ve ever read all the comments to a post before but I did on this Herman Cain one. I’m so glad I’d written about him before I saw this because I’m sure I would have inadvertantly absorbed some of the article into my post. PLEASE NOTE: As one of your few African-American readers, black folks aren’t going to vote for Cain, not because we’ve been brainwashed by the democrats (as Uncle Hermie likes to say), but we won’t vote for him because we’re no fools and everytime he opens his mouth he proves to be such a disgrace to the race.

    I’ve told you this before — I love your blog! It’s a place of reason and sanity in a very insane country right now. I don’t know about anyone else but you may be saving my mind! At the very least, you’re keeping me from opening up a can of whup-ass on a pizza CEO. All the best.

    • thanks for the kind words, and i hope you know that i feel the same way about your blog. when i read what you’ve written, i feel like we’re sitting together in a diner, and i’m listening to you telling me a story. not too many people can write that way.

      i try to have faith in the american people. no matter what their color, religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, i think that most of them have the smarts not to be bamboozled by idiots who have only their own well-being in mind. i hope like hell that chimpy getting elected (he didn’t get elected the first time, he was selected, so i’m talking about after his first 4 disastrous years in the white house) was just a fluke.

      stop by anytime, el (can i call you el? i like giving people nicknames). 😉

      • Well Noonie999: I think we just may have had a communication snafu! Loved the first paragraph (who wouldn’t). But your use of the nickname “chimpy” in relationship to what I assume is our current president is beyond the pale. (You appear to be very smart, so you know that that is racist as hell, don’t you?) Noonie999, tell me it isn’t so or did you and I just demonstrate what my story “I thought I heard you say” was all about? I won’t go into defense mode of why I actually think our current president is an excellent president with the obstructionist congress from hell (Jesus couldn’t be a successul president with the this Tea Party/Koch owned Congress), but I will say that even with those presidents with whom I’ve disagreed (Reagan, Bush), I’ve always respected their personage and the office. You can call me “Mrs. Tomczyk.”

        • no, no, no, no, no, no!!!!! chimpy is george w bush! if you check any of the old posts, you’ll see that my nickname for dubya was always chimpy. that’s why i said he was not elected the first time, but selected, and the fluke i was referring to was people voting to give him a second term. i’ve never disrespected president obama here or anywhere else. there are times i’ve disagreed with him and times that i was disappointed in him, but i think he’s a good and decent man. you can ask the raisinettes. they’ll confirm what i told you.

          • Mea culpa, Nonnie Baby! Mea culpa! And multiple apologies to boot! (I was really bummed that I had found such an intellegent new friend and she might have been a r______t, instead of a raisinette — horrors!) LOL! I actually think that I demonstrated with you a superb example of my last story and didn’t follow my own advice: “I think I heard you say” so that you could speak for yourself without being pounced upon by a crazy, post-menopausal woman with a ‘tude. Please forgive me. I’ll let down all the gates, open the doors, and let you back in. Take care. If I ever get to your area of the country, I’m taking you out for a drink(s) or a cup(s) of coffee. All the Best, Eleanor

            • thank goodness you came back! no need for me to forgive you, because i wasn’t angry at you. i was just upset that you were angry at me. i went over to your blog, and i saw that my comments were gone, and i thought i wouldn’t be allowed to visit there.

              as far as i’m concerned, this never happened, and we’re still sitting at the diner having a conversation. just one thing–i’ve never liked coffee, so you’ll have to take me out for an iced tea. 😉