When does he get lost in the desert for 40 years?

From National Journal:

ATLANTA, Ga. – Herman Cain, whose campaign could use some redemption in the wake of a sexual harassment scandal, told a crowd of young Republicans on Saturday that God convinced him to run for president and that he “prayed and prayed and prayed” about it.

The Republican contender made no mention of the allegations from former subordinates at the National Restaurant Association.

Maybe he just can’t spell, and he meant preyed and preyed.

“I prayed and prayed and prayed. I’m a man of faith, I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than I’d ever done before in my life. And when I finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. ‘You’ve got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?’” Cain told a crowd of over 100 people at the Young Republican National Federation, an event hosted by the Georgia Young Republicans at the Westin Peachtree Plaza.

Oy vey!

godfathers pizza 999 commandmentsOriginal image

Once he made the decision to run, the former chief executive of Godfather’s Pizza said, “I did not look back. And one of the misperceptions that some people have, (is) that I’m not in this to win it. I’m in this to win it, or I wouldn’t be in it! I’m not going anywhere!”

Cain has repeatedly said in recent days he will stay in the race in spite of the swirl of accusations that have tarnished his campaign and halted his upward momentum in national polls. Four women who worked at the NRA claim that Cain sexually harassed them, and one of them, Sharon Bialek of Chicago, said he roughly grabbed her in a parked car in 1997 and propositioned her for sex.

Oh, the irony.  Charlton Heston of the NRA and Herman Cain of the NRA.  Heston proclaimed they’d have to pry a gun from his cold, dead hand.  I don’t want to even think about what Hermie would have pried from his cold, dead hand (not even going to speculate on a burning bush or whose it might be).


Filed under humor, movies, NRA, parody, politics, religion, Republicans, Sexual Harassment, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

30 responses to “When does he get lost in the desert for 40 years?

  1. Kick ass graphic, Nonnie. I’m even loving your copyright. 🙂

    As for these nutfucks that say the Almighty is talking to them–that’s the sound of their egotistical hubris in their heads. The dumbshits.

    • thanks, m’liss. that’s the jerusalem font. i love fonts!

      i wish that, at one of the 1,547 remaining debates, one of the moderators will ask them which one was really told by g-d that s/he should be president and which ones are lying. after all, g-d wouldn’t lie to them, right? after gov little ricky goodhair, frothy santorum, botox batshit bachmann, and hermie sort that out, then the moderator can ask mittsie and john…i mean jon huntsman if joseph smith might have stopped by their dreams.

  2. John Erickson

    I don’t think it’s God talking to him, I think it’s the same misfiring neurons that have convinced him pawing ladies “never happened”. Or maybe he just put his ear up to Rick Parry’s ear, and heard the sound of the water on Parry’s brain roaring…….

  3. elizabeth3hersh

    Prayed vs. preyed…lol!!!! And you beat me to the ‘burning bush’ nonnie.

    P.S. Do I see poo on that pie?

    • this story was practically screaming for irony. it didn’t even occur to me until i was done with the poster the connection between heston and the nra and hermie and the other nra. i figured i’d through in the burning bush comment so nobody else would have to. and yes, that is a poo-za pie from motherf*¢#er pizza.

  4. Take two tablets and don’t call me later. How about one of the networks setting up a panel of all the godcalls and divining which one is the true magi. There could be yelling, toungue talking, snake handling…all climaxed with lightining bolts withering those not deemed worthy. I’d pay a dollar to see that!

    • damn! why didn’t i think of the take 2 tablets line when i was trying to think of a title? 😡

      i would pay more than a dollar if snake handling was the test. that’d be good tv!

  5. jeb

    I wonder if The Almighty ever sits around and wonders why these morons keep blaming him?

  6. Snoring Dog Studio

    But Cain “totally respects women!” Uttered by his wife, Gloria, as she struggled to get out from under his fat thumb. “You’ve got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?” Cain didn’t wait around to hear the answer, I guess. Or, the Lord does have one awesome sense of humor!

  7. okjimm

    I would pray he goes away….but I’m an atheist. Re comment- my place…it got stuck in spam filter..not sure why???? Really not upset…fur sur

  8. Great graphic! Woo hoo!!!!

    God tells them to run, but never tells me how to vote. Meanwhile, God told Sarah not to run – good news that she listened. Well, at least for now.

    • thanks frank! 🙂 i wonder if g-d ever mentions not allowing people to die because they don’t have health insurance or that they shouldn’t allow people to starve if they can’t find work.

  9. I don’t know, but I sure hope it’s soon.

  10. Great picture, Nonnie.

    Kind of weird that God picks so many candidates, isn’t it?

    I mean, Bachmann claims that God told her to run, too. Shouldn’t He have picked one before setting them off?

    Or maybe they follow different gods?

    Or just one, but it’s a practical joker/chaos god. You know, Loki or Janus or someone like that?

    • thanks wken! don’t forget that g-d told gov little ricky goodhair to run, too. well, he didn’t exactly tell him, he left a message with anita.

      • My wife just put forward the theory that maybe God is out to destroy the Republican party for its excesses.

        She has a point … The GOP is certainly not going to be better off for this crop of candidates.

  11. Funny, how God is telling all kinds of different candidates to run for president. Maybe he’s getting bored up in heaven and needs some entertainment?

  12. I agree with Writechic:the graphical photos are friggin hilarious and kick-ass.

    I had to lmao @ the Herman Cain pic.

    Very funny blog lol.

  13. give Herman some credit – it takes a lot REAL talent to be even more stupid than Sarah Palin and Rick Perry.

    today Herman gave us his theory on the fall of Qhaddafi – i swear we are watching Stymie run for president

    • and he doesn’t even have to try! princess and gov little ricky goodhair actually memorized stuff in order to sound idiotic. hermie just goes with whatever shit happens to be twirling around in his head at the moment.

  14. Great Graphics, Noonie! I’m just catching up on all your posts as I take a breather while writing my own. My brain is fried. Anyway, I have a theory that God does tell these Neanderthals to run for office so that all of their nefarious crap comes to light. He didn’t tell them they’d win, now did he? Cue “evil laugh”! See you Thursday night! 🙂

    • you are too kind, eleanor, but, seriously, your brain is fried, and you came here? that’ll only fry it more! your theory is as good as any i can come up with. i think g-d is a democrat.