Herman is Squirmin’

From the Atlantic wire:

His fellow Republican presidential candidates were reluctant to comment on accusations that Herman Cain sexually harassed several women in the 1990s, but now that a woman is claiming they had a long-term consensual affair, they’re ready to speak out.

Jon Huntsman told the Boston Globe‘s Michael Levenson that Cain should think about dropping out […]


The Des Moines Register‘s Jason Noble notes Michele Bachmann told Iowa radio host Jan Mickelson Tuesday morning that Cain said he will “reassess” his campaign because that’s “code language for the fact that they’re looking at the viability of their effort moving forward … I think that they recognize that the support has really dropped out of their campaign because of those questions.” She went further on the Scott Hennen radio show, CBS News reports, saying, “Everyone has said to me yesterday – when it came out yesterday, everyone said this is it, he’s done … People just don’t see that there is an ability for him to be able to come back after that.”

Newt Gingrich, who’s less desperate for better poll numbers than Huntsman or Bachmann, wasn’t willing to call Cain’s campaign dead yet.

pizza campaign buttonOriginal DVD cover

Mitt Romney and Rick Perry haven’t talked about Ginger White’s accusations yet. But there’s no way their comments will be as good as those of Arizona state Sen. Lori Klein, who said Cain never hit on her even though she’s hot.

I’ll leave it to you, kids, to judge Ms Klein’s hotness.


Filed under Newt Gingrich, Scandals, Sexual Harassment, snark

46 responses to “Herman is Squirmin’

  1. Here are some of my favorite “pro-Boner advice of the day 4 @THEHermanCain ™” tweets from the last couple of weeks:

    pro-Boner tip of the day 4 @THEHermanCain ™: in #GOP speak “reassessing” = flip-flopping but with more ass. YW
    2 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

    Pro-Boner tip of the day 4 @THEHermanCain ™: tell ’em “wont drop out! 4 every woman I had affairs w/, there R 1,000s, nay, 10,000s I had not!”
    29 Nov Favorite Reply Delete

    Pro-boner advice of the day 4 @THEHermanCain ™: @presser tell them “it wasn’t sex; i faked all my orgasms”. YW. #EPICGOPFAIL
    29 Nov Favorite Reply Delete

    Pro-boner advice of the day 4 @THEHermanCain: tell ‘em, developing new flavor of the month: Ginger White Snaps and Chocolate Walnut Crumbles
    28 Nov Favorite Reply Delete

    Pro-boner advice of day 4 @THEHermanCain: Play the race card. Tell them it’s cuz her name is both WHITE & GINGER. &UR a BLACK nut (walnut)
    28 Nov Favorite Reply Delete

    Pro-boner advice of the day 4 @THEHermanCain some pts 2 stress in presser: 1.consensual, 2.opposite sex, 3.not-minor, 4.she was a 9 at best.
    28 Nov Favorite Reply Delete

    LOLGOP Pete Nicely
    Herman Cain’s Accuser: If he pulls out, duck!
    29 Nov Favorite Undo Retweet Reply

    LOLGOP Pete Nicely
    Mitt Romney promises to deport all of Herman Cain’s mistresses.
    29 Nov Favorite Undo Retweet Reply

    LOLGOP Pete Nicely
    Rick Perry lost count of Herman Cain’s affairs a while ago.
    29 Nov Favorite Undo Retweet Reply

    and a completely irrelevant:
    Woman “imprisoned” on Scientology cruise ship for 12 years; Amazingly @THEHermanCain NOT involved: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/woman-imprisoned-scientology-cruise-ship-12-years-145114448.html via
    3 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

  2. HE’S FINISHED! Thank God…I was about to announce to the world that I had had an affair with him, just to get him outta my face on the telie and the web. Good grief!

  3. jay

    There seem to be a dominant discourse that Herman Cain made sense and was a decent candidate before the women showed up… That these women derailed the Cain train…

    • LOL, Jay, as if any other Rethug could find Libya. I mean, that’s a hard one! I mean, some don’t even know where it is .

      To be fair, Bachmann WOULD close our Embassy in Teheran the day she were elected Prez.

      I am sorry to keep coming back to Bachmann, but these might be her final days in politics before evolving into a talking head on Faux News, MN CD6 is being redistricted and if the DFL proposal goes through, Bachmann is pitted against Betty McCollum , MN-CD4, DFL while chopping off the reddest pieces of the currently gerrymandered CD6

      • do you really think faux news will hire botox batshit bachmann? roger ailes is already regretting hiring princess sarah. they sure didn’t get their money’s worth. of course, botox batshit bachmann will work cheap, because she couldn’t stand not being in the public eye.

        • i smell a side bet, nonnie 😀

          They have to hire someone, the question is one of the seven dwarfs or the batshit princess? Whom would you have them hire? I know, I know, Herman Cain is now my Secret Santa wish, but a)I am Jewish, so I am screwed there and b) real Rethugs MARRY their mistresses, not diss them in public (yeah, that’s a Newt ref), so TheCainTrain misses the Faux Standard as well.

          Santorum sounds too foreign and Latin for the average Faux viewer, what if that turns out to mean some verboten anatomical part, like perineum? No, Rick is out. The other Rick is out too, he lacks both the attention span and the coherence to last through a 2 minute soundbite.

          Faux (and anyone with spare $60K and Tiffany’s trinket) already has Newt; Huntsman ain’t gonna do it: he owns a LARGE fortune in the eponymous chemicals.

          That leaves only the other cult leader, and you know Faux ain’t touching him, not with a ten foot Mitt. Besides, he’s got a general election to lose.
          So, I am glad to serve you up the Batshit Princess.

          I know, I know, I am WAAAAY overthinking this 🙂
          ~ LL

          • i’m jewish, too, so santa doesn’t accept my calls either, but i have to disagree with you. i don’t think botox batshit bachmann is compelling enough to work for faux news. she would be like princess sarah-lite, and roger ailes is already lamenting the money he pissed away on her. the only thing that attracts cameras when it comes to bbb is that she’s a member of congress and running for prez. once she’s no longer either of those, nobody (even the teabagging fringies) will really give a shit what she has to say. plus, she’s not getting any younger, and faux news isn’t going to pay big bucks so their viewers can watch her begin to sag once the botox wears off. i agree with your assessment of the others, with one exception. if roger ailes had a gun to his head and had to hire one of them, i think it would be hermie. yes, there’s the whole affair and harrassment thing, but that didn’t bother ol’ roger when he hired newtie. it wouldn’t be for his knowledge (because he has very little), and it wouldn’t be for his phony piety (chuckleberry has that covered). he’s lively to watch (unlike frothy santorum), and they certainly don’t need any more white guys. the only african-american on faux whom anyone has heard of is juan williams, and he’s not a conservative wingnut. hermie would fill that void. he likes to dismiss racism, so he’s perfect for when one of the faux news stars says something racist. he can give them all absolution.

    • you have to dumb things down for the teabagger set. foreign policy is hard to understand. some shithead getting his dinky stinky with women other than his wife is easy.

  4. John Erickson

    You need to check out Ed Stein’s cartoon site (edsteinink.com, I believe it is). He has a picture of a GOP elephant with a box labelled Herman Cain, and he’s taking it to the returns counter! I’ll let you discover the rest.
    And GQ magazine has listed Mr. Bachman as one of the 25 LEAST influential men in America. OUCH! 😀 (Couldn’t happen to a nicer gay .. er … guy.)

  5. jeb

    Not to worry, if Herm drops out, Newtie will take care of the adulterer voter base as reported here by Andy Borowitz: http://www.borowitzreport.com/

  6. The Cain Train is the gravy train for Herman, so he’ll ride it as long as he can. I bet he’ll drop out right after Florida. Won’t that be special, nonnnie?

    • the money will eventually run out, and he’ll have no choice but to drop out. in the meantime, there will be lots of people trying to throw hermie from the train.

  7. While he is re-assing his campaign he might consider more varied media.exposure. And since pizza delivery is such a vital part of storylines, It’s only fitting to get him a guest interview on Dave’s Old Porn (it’s kind of like MST3000 meets porn chic). I feel his opinions would be so spot on. And he could add so much to the commentary, like last week when Dave Attel said: “I can’t tell if she’s having an orgasm or trying to get away”.

  8. Jay Leno joke:

    Godfather Pizza had to get rid of Cain because he was cheesier than the pizza.

  9. afrankangle

    I’m thankful that the comments here are much better than any story about the Cainanater. Oh my … this just hit me … he was in Cincinnati yesterday and I forgot to go. And in case you missed it, my autograph was Mr WIzard (Don Herbert)

    • i went back and checked, frank, so i know it was mr. wizard. by the way, i never would have guessed, even though i knew the initials were mw, and i thought that there was a z and an i (it was dotted) in the name. i never watched mr. wizard, so it would not have occurred to me. it was really fun, though, trying to figure it out.

  10. My Grandma’s 100, and she’s hotter than Ms. Klein. As for her statement ““we want a virgin to do a hooker’s job”, um…..no. We want a decent person to clean up the bullshit so that the job is NOT comparable to a hooker’s. Clean up the lobbying, establish that corporations are NOT people and should not have more influence over policy than flesh and blood humans, and stop trying to form the very type of oppressive theocracy that the pilgrims were fleeing when they landed on Plymouth Rock.
    We don’t need a virgin.
    And we certainly don’t need a Koch whore.

  11. Fantastic graphic! Herman be history 😦

  12. Sedate Me

    So, the Cain Train has been trying to steam its way into tunnels without getting the right of way from track’s owner first, yet that’s cool. But the conductor puts the black walnuts to a willing participant for a while and that’s going to cause a complete derailment???

    In fairness to Mr 999, I know how these settlements work. The organization says, “We know you didn’t do it (even if we know you did). Let’s just pay em off with the insurance money and make it go away.” The alligator is happy.The organization is happy. The lawyers get an easy payday. The insurance company just raises everybody’s rates to cover the payout. The accused suffers no consequence…unless he wants to run for President someday because everyone will just assume he’s guilty. Great “justice” system.

    Unfortunately, I don’t think the American voter is going to get off that easy. Only the conductor can stop the Cain Train. It was never about winning. Cain will only leave when it stops being fun for him.

    • The Cain Train will stop when Hermie runs out of money or when Gloria smacks him upside his head with a well-aimed frying pan.

      I understand how the settlements work, too, but the reports of his M.O. were similar, so I don’t think it was a matter of women just trying to get some money. Are we to believe that hey colluded not only with each other but with Ginger White as well? She said that the way she met him was the way the other women described as how their interaction with him began. Then there’s the fact that the NRA cut him loose before his contract was up. All that said, as I told Elizabeth in an earlier comment, it’s pretty sad when Faux News and other Cain supporters aren’t bothered by sexual assault but are only moved to some outrage by a married man getting his dinky stinky with someone other than his wife.

      • Sedate Me

        Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’d bet what little cash is in my bank account on Cain having done exactly what he’s accused of AND that there are dozens of more women who didn’t do or say anything.

        Herman Cain is just a wildly inappropriate man (Blame yourself! Uzbeki-becki-becki-stan, etc etc.) whose massive black walnuts, money and position make him think he can get away with anything. I mean, look at that interview he voluntarily gave where he “explained” his non-affair. “She’s just a friend I gave money to, called at all hours of the night and kept secret from my wife for 13 years.” The idea he can say that utterly ludicrous statement on national TV with a straight face and expect people to believe it shows you what he thinks he can get away with. If the NRA story bears fruit, that’s probably even more ammo to show how ballsy he is. Sexually harassing a NRA staffer? Guy must think he’s bulletproof!

        There probably wasn’t a single day where he didn’t make some woman’s skin crawl with something he, un-apologetically, did or said. It’s just how he rolls. And in that context, he’s going to keep that Cain Train a-rolling (frying pan or not), even if he polls below 1%, as long as somebody lets him on TV. And, provided he really does have Koch money (how ironic is that?), he can afford to.

        The idea this clown could ever have been taken seriously, let alone top the polls, says all you really need to know about the Republican party and the state of the American democratic process.

      • Sedate Me

        Nonnie, I just brought up the lawsuit angle because I’m even more bitter than usual. This is the kind of long, boring, personal, sob-story I hate hearing, so apologies in advance. But yesterday, I settled an utterly ludicrous 8 year, $2.5 million, “wrongful death” lawsuit for 5 grand plus the (pending) obscene lawyer’s bill.

        Cause of death was pneumonia. Never met the victim, who was dying anyway. Never met the “perpetrator”, but he lived on my property for a couple months before moving and committing his (uncharged) “crime” there. Didn’t happen on, near, or with, any of my property or knowledge. But because I have more money than the broke-ass losers involved, my name was added to the lawsuit. On top of that, my insurance company predictably refused to honour their policy. So, thanks to bullshit liability laws, I was theoretically on the hook for the entire $2.5 million because I’m the only one not in bankruptcy…yet.

        I only mention this to put Cain’s lawsuits in an even better perspective. I spent the last 8 years on the hook for 2.5 million for something I had nothing to do with. Herman Cain actually DID something, probably something you go to prison for, and the system worked so that he suffered no consequence whatsoever. He just went on his merry way like nothing happened. He didn’t even have to pay the lawyer’s bill.

        Sorry, but it really burns my porridge!

        • When it comes to the so-called justice system, I’m just as pissed off as you are, Sedate Me. I would tell you my horror story, but I’m not allowed to do so per the terms of the settlement. I can tell you that you there are those who can get away with murder, while the unwashed masses have almost no voice whatsoever. Herman Cain and the NRA can afford the best of lawyers. I don’t mean to say that those attorneys are great legal minds. They are more likely shysters who have learned how to work the system. They know where to file lawsuits so that they get the most favorable judges who are very willing to cover up what should be public knowledge. Even with decent judges, their hands are tied, because the laws are written to protect the rich and screw the rest of us.

  13. I predicted Herman “Daddy” Cain would be gone by Christmas.

    It looks like his departure date will come sooner. Cain’s serial philandering just ain’t what the radical, rightwingers and the Southern Bible thumpers can swallow. Cain is a cretin and dumb-ass Koch sucker.

    I know it is childish of me but I will almost miss Cain and Bachmann. The pair gave the GOP nomination race a carnival-like atmosphere. But alas, we will still have Newt “I asked my wife for a divorce while she lay battling cancer in the hospital” Gingrich to enjoy and punch around.

    • apparently, they don’t dislike serial philanderers too much, because they’re rallying behind newtie. it will be interesting how they treat his hideous wife who lived with him for 7 years while he was married to someone else.

      i’ll miss hermie and botox batshit bachmann and even gov little ricky goodhair, because they were great fodder for parody.

  14. I love how Hermie is proclaiming that the sexual accusations are a Democratic plot (first him and then the Dems will go after Newt). I’d like to venture a different theory: I’m a prayin’ woman and I’ve been prayin’ for the downfall of his sorry-ass because “God don’t like ugly” and I don’t like posers. Remember, Hermie said God called him to be president; well, God answered. Check out this article about the Hermie that God saw all along but Hermie tried to hide. Next time Hermie needs to ask, “are you setting me up, Lord”? Pride truly comes before the fall.

    • hermie has delusions of grandeur. he thinks he’s important enough and threatening enough to the dems that they would concoct this intricate scheme to get rid of him. the dems, just as they did in the obama birth certificate story, went back in time to plant some fake sexual harassment law suits. they even went so far as to hire a look-alike to push one woman’s face into his crotch.

      i’ve said before that gloria most likely knew what hermie was up to but didn’t care. a lot of women don’t like sex. some just aren’t that into their husbands as they used to be and are relieved that they’re getting their dinkies stinky elsewhere. other women might not be happy that their hubbies are screwing around, but they put up with it, because they’re comfortable in their lifestyles and don’t want to do anything to upset the worlds they live in. whatever the case, that’s up to the couple, and i don’t judge them. what works for one might not work for another. i think what gloria is angry about is that she’s been embarrassed so publicly. not only that, but maybe her children didn’t know what was really going on, and they might be hurt. i feel sorry for gloria for her public embarrassment caused by the arrogant self-centered asswipe she’s married to. i hope she finds her inner beyotch and publicly tells hermie to kiss her ass. it would be awesome if she announced to the world that he’s only been running in order to become famous, and that she wouldn’t vote for him if he was the only one running.

  15. Hahaha this was a nice one. Michele’s batshit crazy look is perfect here.

  16. SaberRulzz

    Epic poster nonnie. Looks like “Willard” (second name?) Romney is starting to panic now that Herb is done. Let’s hope Gloria gets checked for STDs soon!

    • thanks saberrulzz! 😀 mittsie is starting to sweat, and i love it. it’s like watching someone have a nervous breakdown in slow motion. first, his hair gets a little mussed. then he starts talking fast and faster. then he chuckles nervously when he can’t think of a good answer to questions. then he suddenly and awkwardly crosses his legs. i can’t wait to see what he does next. it’s like watching the picture of dorian gray in reverse.

      i don’t think gloria has to worry about STDs, because i doubt that she and hermie have been doing the nasty for quite a while.