The Cain Train Goes Off the Track

From The New York Times:

An unapologetic and defiant Herman Cain suspended his presidential campaign on Saturday, pledging that he “would not go away” even as he abandoned the Republican presidential race in the face of escalating accusations of sexual misconduct.

“As of today, with a lot of prayer and soul searching, I am suspending my presidential campaign,” Mr. Cain said at a rally in Atlanta, surrounded by supporters chanting his name. “Because of the continued distractions, the continued hurt caused on me and my family, not because we are not fighters. Not because I’m not a fighter.”

Original DVD cover

In suspending his candidacy, as opposed to saying that he was ending his bid, Mr. Cain, according to campaign finance lawyers, maintains an ability to accept money to pay for his campaign so far and potentially to finance the new venture that he called his Plan B: to travel the country promoting his tax and foreign policy plans.

Mr. Cain’s decision to suspend his campaign came as a new Des Moines Register poll showed that his supporters appeared to be gravitating toward Newt Gingrich, the former House speaker. According to the poll, Mr. Gingrich is backed by 25 percent of likely Republican caucusgoers, followed by Representative Ron Paul of Texas with 18 percent and Former Gov. Mitt Romney of Massachusetts with 16 percent. The poll was conducted before Mr. Cain suspended his campaign, and it showed him with the support of just 8 percent of respondents, a sharp drop from previous polls.

The other Republican candidates are also in single digits.

…snip…

Mr. Cain said he would issue an endorsement soon. Mr. Cain, with his wife, Gloria, at his side at the Atlanta rally, said the accusations of sexual harassment and of a 13-year affair were untrue. “I’m at peace with my God,” he said. “I’m at peace with my wife, and she is at peace with me.”

Mr. Cain exited much the way he entered. The circuslike atmosphere — complete with numerous delays, barbecue, a blues band and supporters in colonial-era dress — was in keeping with the campaign’s irreverence and disarray since its inception.

…snip…

Mr. Cain’s critics have long posited that he has been more interested in creating celebrity for himself — as a means to sell books and increase speaking fees — than in making a serious bid for the presidency.

Indeed, in his remarks on Saturday, Mr. Cain boasted about rising from near obscurity, saying, “Right now, my name I.D. is probably 99.9,” a reference to his 9-9-9 plan, which mixes a flat tax with a national sales tax.

Still, Mr. Cain, whose standing among likely Republican caucusgoers in Iowa in the latest poll by The Des Moines Register had drifted down to 8 percent, took what may be his last moment in the national spotlight to denounce the political culture in Washington. On Saturday, Mr. Cain called politics “a dirty game.”

…snip…

[A]ccusations of sexual misconduct were not Mr. Cain’s only stumbling block.

The very qualities that endeared Mr. Cain to so many conservatives appeared to undercut his chances, as questions were raised about his management style and foreign policy expertise.

In a videotaped interview with the editorial board of The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that went viral on the Web, Mr. Cain became flustered when asked to assess President Obama’s policy toward Libya, lurching over five minutes from awkward pauses to halting efforts to answer.

Compared with his rivals, Mr. Cain hardly campaigned in New Hampshire and Iowa.

Former staff members complained that he spent the bulk of his time on a book tour through the South when he should have been organizing a grass-roots operation. He occasionally mishandled potential big donors or ignored real voters, said former staff members and supporters.

On the Monday after Thanksgiving, a fifth woman, Ginger White, came forward, telling a local television reporter in Atlanta, that she and Mr. Cain had only recently ended a 13-year extramarital affair.

…snip…

The day after Ms. White’s revelation, Mr. Cain said he was considering dropping his bid, as some of his supporters and defenders began backing away.

On Friday night, Mr. Cain returned home to suburban Atlanta to meet and consult with his wife for the first time since Ms. White came forward with her claim. Mr. Cain said the ultimate decision would rest with his wife.

On Saturday, Mr. Cain directed supporters to a Web site, TheCainSolutions.com.

The Web site was registered on Friday by Bell Research Companies, Inc., a company based in Tifton, Ga., set up to manufacture low-fat powdered peanut butter and alternative fuels.

The company also owns a group called Americans for Jobs and Energy Security, which promotes natural gas.

In documents filed last year with the Securities and Exchange Commission, Mr. Cain is listed on Bell’s board of directors.

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56 Comments

Filed under Barack Obama, humor, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, parody, politics, Republicans, Ron Paul, Scandals, Sexual Harassment, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

56 responses to “The Cain Train Goes Off the Track

  1. running late all day, kids, and i didn’t hear the news that hermie is out until late. grabbed a poster and slapped it together quickly to commemorate hermie’s tweaking his grifting game. he’s still hanging around for the money. nothing’s changed.

  2. Oh, he will be missed so. Recovering from back surgery and lots of TV, and no idea who else can replace the looney tune!

  3. Man, I’m 9-9-9 kinds of heartbroken…

  4. The circus…. goes on and on and on. And more than ever, as I look at the sorry set of Republican “rivals” on the other side, I am THANKFUL to have Barack Obama as President, and as a viable candidate for re-election. Mr. Obama: your heart, your values, and your basic decency are all in the right place. BUT…your hands are tied. Unfortunately they were tied by us, the electorate…..when we failed to provide you with a Congress that you can work with. Instead, you are saddled with a don’t-tax-the-1%-do-nothing Congress that battles you at every turn, while the people suffer. God, they don’t EVEN let you pass your own appointments. It’s not Tea-publican gridlock -it’s Tea-publican sabotage. Heck, it’s Tea-publican treason….while the 99% BLEEDS. And then they try to pin the blame on Mr. Obama. These people have no shame…or else its been purchased by those who can afford to do so. In her last years, Grandma gets her meager Social Security check, and they DARE call it “socialism”. Give me a break! (and Grandma too!) Thankfully, with Occupy Wall Street, America has found its voice: a voice that reminds us that people -ordinary down-to-earth working people- really DO matter. Not “corporations are people -people” , but REAL people! Tea-publicans want even more tax-break-corporate-1%-loopholes….while these companies send our jobs overseas, and wish that we’d go away too…. as they buy every politician in sight. They talk about “welfare queens”, but hey, if these politicians don’t have ENOUGH mistresses, I can hook them up with a few gorgeous -and rich!- oil companies. It would be a perfect blind date, except for the fact that they’re ALREADY in bed with them :-). But instead of talking about LESS government, and MORE corporate welfare, and MORE painful cuts to those who can LEAST afford it…, Occupy is a voice that demands a government that WORKS, a government that works FOR ALL OF US, not just for a favored few,…not just for the rich. It’s a voice that comes up from the grassroots, and lifts us up in turn: because it insists that this land IS our land…and that we WANT IT BACK! And It’s a voice that will help us re-elect the President AND give him a more progressive Congress to work with. Mr. Obama: I wish you well. Because you STILL give us hope….

  5. Yea right suspended so he can still accept & spend campaign money.
    Huckster all the way.

  6. I’m relieved at this news. Cain is not presidential material, and I’ve long grown tired of his circus.

  7. So he has suspendered his campaign? Good, this will make it easier to get his pants off! Not so much a train wreck as an open drawbridge (don’t stop on a red signal light, could be a commie trick)

  8. elizabeth3hersh

    Looks like his campaign was aborted by ‘Plan B.’ Buh bye!

  9. Cain is not a politician, just a straight out bullshit artist.

  10. Packin Wood Productions …. LOL … I’ve haven’t noticed that one before. Herman Cain and his 9-9-9 plan are gone gone gone.

    • thanks for noticing that, frank. i was wondering if anyone would. i’ve never used that before, but the original was ‘a sam wood production’ so what could have gone in that corner? :D

  11. Great graphic. Looks like he’s tryin’ to bugger his Old Lady :)

  12. jeb

    Too bad, now we’ll never find out if his 9-9-9 plan would have worked.

  13. the insanity torch passes to Newtie!

    how slices of pizza did Mrs Cain get out of this little adventure

  14. I already miss Herman Cain.
    I know, I’m a leftist pinko commie and all that and overly sentimental, but there is now a void in my life that Newt and Co just cannot fill. Plus I got this “Train Kept a-Rollin” by Aerosmith tune stuck in my head. You know, “…on a train I met a dame/she was pretty… like Women For Cain Committee..or was it Cain droppin’ out is a pity…or like Cain’s last chat on Hannity ?”

  15. On behalf of satirists everywhere, I have to admit I am thrilled that Cain said he would not go away. like a STD rash, he’ll be gettin’ it on with the Rpuglican’ts for years to come, helping progressive causes throughout the nation by continuing to expose himself as a cheatin’ pizza-makin’ “pathetic sodomite POS.”*

    *My new favorite phrase for Repugs ever since the Repuglican Party of Tennessee tweeted that about Barney Frank.

    • the funniest part about it, terry, is that the rethugs would probably like hermie to shut his big pizza piehole and go away. they can take him out and dust him off when some racist faux news or radio personality needs absolution for a racist slur, but other than that, they don’t want him yapping. the party is already overrun with egos.

  16. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUAH! Hallelujah, hallelujah, HAA-LE-HEY-LU-JAH!!!!
    (I used to be an opera singer; bet you didn’t know that Nonnie :) So just imagine that line sung in the best operatic soprano boom!) Ha! Happy days are here again. Now on to getting rid of the Newt.

    • but tell us how you really feel, eleanor. :wink: not sure if i want newtie or mittsie to go away. i think i want mittsie gone. they both have enough baggage to weigh them down like anchors, but i sorta want to see mittsie’s dreams crushed once again. i don’t think newtie really wants to be president. i think he makes these gaffes on purpose just so he’ll remain relevant.

      and opera? seriously, is there anything you can’t do?

      • I think you’re right Nonnie–I’m hoping they cancel each other out. I’ll have to tell you someday how I ended up eating dinner at the next table to Newt and his 3rd wife (recently but before he decided to enter the race). It was not pleasant because all these little old repubs queued up to “kiss his ring” and he was all aglow. They kept whispering “we’re such great fans” and he preened like a “celebrity” while his wife glowed. Maybe that’s what gave him the decision to run for president and solidified the celebrity status in his head. I didn’t budge, of course–I just got ill :(

        • did callista really glow? i ask, because i commented here in another post that callista’s hair reminds me of those fiber optic lights. that would be the only thing that would make her interesting, so i’m dying to know if her hair really works like that.

          • elizabeth3hersh

            …and I thought Callista’s hair looks like Easter basket ‘grass.’

          • Sedate Me

            That’s because the Callista-bot comes with fibre optic hair as an option.

            I’ve actually been thinking about buying myself a Callista-bot. Who couldn’t use a permanently smiling, head nodding, worshipful gazing, hottie at your side? The Callista-bot is a must-have for every caustic asshole.

            • Hottie? Seriously? I think she’s hideous. She looks like a cross between a nasty blow-up doll and a hawk.

              • Sedate Me

                Hey, she’s no Scarlett Johansson, but she’s undoubtedly the best looking & most realistic sex doll on the market. I doubt the Calista-bot will be surpassed for another 10 years. But if it happens, look for Newt to be the first guy in line to get one.

                Just the skill set alone: not only can she do car sex, she can walk, smile, bow in servitude and even say pre-programmed lines like “Yes, sir”, “You should be President” and “You are the smartest man in the country.”

                If fact, I hear Herman Cain just ordered one with some leftover campaign funds.

  17. testing this gravitas avatar thingie

  18. Sedate Me

    We all knew Cain was going to have this happen to him at some point. But thanks to this ludicrous early start which has done none of the candidates any favours (and certainly not the public who has to suffer through this bullshit), a candidate has been forced to quit due to scandal a month before the race actually starts. Traditionally, this kind of thing doesn’t happen until at least after New Hampshire, when things start to count.

    What I would LOVE to know is which Republican candidate is responsible for chopping down the Black Walnut by his (wait for the double pun)… roots? It would be really interesting to know. It was a rival Republican because it sure wasn’t the lazy ass media and it was far too early for a Democrat to have done it.

    • If I had to put my money on one of them, it would be Gov. Little Ricky Goodhair, because he’s been taught to fight dirty, and he has tons of money. Plus, one of his staffers was familiar with Hermie and knew about his shady past.

      My second choice is Mittsie. He likes to act all dignified on the outside, but I think he’s a nasty asswipe who will do anything to achieve what he thinks is his destiny.

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