Brainless Friess

Back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.–Foster Friess


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Foster Friess, a major donor to the super PAC backing Rick Santorum, has apologized for a joke about contraception that prompted outrage from women’s groups.


Appearing Friday on “CBS This Morning,” Santorum called Friess’ joke “stupid,” but added that he’s “not responsible” for comments by supporters.


Santorum said the comment does not reflect his record on contraception and said questions about Friess’ comments reflect “gotcha politics that you get from the media.”

In his written apology, Friess’ went on to write that Santourm “publicly stated he would not ban contraception; he has said if he were a member of a state legislature which introduced such a bill, he would vote against it; and he has incurred the wrath of his more conservative friends for voting to fund contraception to fight AIDS in Africa.”

Santorum has been criticized this week for comments suggesting he opposes contraception, including a 2006 statement that he is “not a believer in birth control.”

“I think it’s harmful to women; I think it’s harmful to society,” Santorum said. In a different interview – this one from October – he said contraception is “not okay” and vowed to “get rid of any idea that you have to have abortion coverage or contraceptive coverage.”


According to Federal Election Commission filings, Friess gave the Red, White and Blue Fund, a pro-Santorum super PAC, $331,000 in 2011. The super PAC raised $764,000 overall. Friess’ 2012 support for Santorum is not yet known.

Tweaking a quote by the late, great George Carlin:

Have you noticed that most of the men who are against contraception are men you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?


Filed under Advertising, humor, parody, politics, Republicans, Rick Santorum, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

52 responses to “Brainless Friess

  1. Sedate Me

    And it’s not just that jaw dropping comment. What he said moment earlier was stunning too.

    He was complaining about how there’s so many important economic and political issues to talk about, but all anyone wants to talk about sex. This is coming from a man who is supporting Commander Frothy, a guy who can’t go 10 minutes without talking about gay sex, bestiality, or declaring what people with vaginas should or shouldn’t be allowed to do.


  2. elizabeth3hersh

    I suppose a Tylenol would do if one had Reye’s Syndrome.

  3. or you could tape one to each knee and be double safe?

  4. Fran

    What next? Repeal Women’s right to vote & bring back burning at the stake?

    If men could get pregnant, this would be a whole different scene.

    Foster Friess is an asswipe, and Santorum can’t whitewash his affiliation.
    Santorum believes women should stay home & have babies.
    I don’t want him anywhere near the presidency.

    • frothy santorum is all about women being forced to bring their pregnancies to term even if the baby will be severely handicapped and will need constant attention. notice that he’s out gallivanting while his sick little daughter is at home. so easy to dictate to others when you have others around to carry your own load.

  5. I’m very rarely left speechless which is why I blog but Friess’ comment was so peculiar that to tell you the truth, I didn’t understand what the hell he meant. I had to hear the quote three times. Maybe I’m obtuse? In any case, this cat is from another era — one I am not familiar with. He just needs to slither back under his rock. His time has passed.

    • i had heard a joke a long time ago that was similar to what he said, so i knew what he was saying, but i was flabbergasted that he’d be dumb enough to actually say it on national tv.

  6. Andrea Mitchell’s comment after the statement immediate set the stage for what was to come. Well done Nonnie!

  7. Snoring Dog Studio

    The point is that Santorum is an anachronism and so are his supporters. Do we want to take several hundred years steps backwards and elect him? Really? It’s no longer a race between who can be more conservative — it’s a race between who can say the stupider things. Even conservative women ought to be afraid of Santorum.

    • i saw on ‘meet the press’ today that frothy santorum said that jfk’s speech about religion was one of the worst speeches of all time. 😯 he doesn’t want to be president, he wants to be pope.

  8. OK…the guy’s a fuck-head and Neanderthal, but there’s something in his total clueless-ness that’s impressive….If that makes sense at all.

  9. I don’t care for Rap Music. I but an aspirin in each ear. kinda helps.

  10. maggiejean

    Hi nonnie, excellent work. Always happy to see your talented choices. The Carlin quote is priceless — and so true.

    • hi maggiejean! i would love to hear what george carlin would have said about this crop of rethugs. he’s probably spinning in his grave thinking about all the good material he can’t use.

  11. Hey Nonnie. Great job! While I wasn’t paying attention, Santorum crawled out from under a rock and brought with him a nut job, Foster Friess. Good grief. The women across our great country better unite against this guy or we will rue the day. Yuck!

    • hi eleanor! so good to see you! 😀 if it’s not clear that the rethuglican party has no respect for women now, then people are just not paying attention.

  12. Friess should put his head between his knees and kiss his assets goodbye
    ….enjoy that santorum surge, it’s gonna be a short slide (ewwww)

  13. “You want me to hold the aspirin?”
    “I want you to hold it between your knees!”

  14. Good God, what century is Freiss stuck in? And why do these types of people make snarky comments about women’s sexuality, but not men’s?

  15. 1 – Exactly what kind of behavior is it that married couples might engage in with contraceptives that they’re against? I mean, I get the whole “If you let them have condoms then kids will have premarital sex” thing. But even married couples?

    2 – As always, note that all responsibility is placed on the women. If you females weren’t such sluts, you wouldn’t be getting pregnant. Has nothing to do with guys, you know.

    3 – I think that we should encourage all of these cretins to place an aspirin between their lips and hold them tight.

    4 – This should play very well in the general election. With Issa saying he didn’t need to hear from women because he wasn’t talking about reproduction (really, women don’t know about anything but having babies?) and this foolishness, the Dems should have no problem showing how out of touch the GOP is. And whichever misogynist wins the Presidential nod should be put on the defensive over this. Make ’em take on the psycho base or the vast majority of citizens who think it’s okay to have sex for purposes other than procreation.

    (I could make comments about why they’re against sex for pleasure and go for a joke and small government and banning condoms, but I’ll pass.)

      • I’d seriously like to know Santorum et. al.’s answer to the first one.

        What, exactly, is off-limits for married couples?

        Partly, I’d like to see if he could get through his answer and what shade of red he’d be when he’s done. Plus, it’s just intellectual curiosity. I mean, most of the stuff that sex-obsessed fundamentalists oppose doesn’t result in pregnancy.

        Then again, maybe they don’t know what causes pregnancy, since they’re against sex ed.

        Hmmmmm …

    • hi ken! so happy to see you.

      i wonder why they aren’t demanding that men stop having vasectomies. after all, doesn’t the idea of no-risk sex encourage a guy to get his dinky stinky? can’t have that in santorum world. heaven forbid sex should be done just for the pleasure of it. in fact, every time a man masturbates, he should be charged with infanticide.

      • And, Nonnie, I’m glad you’re back.

        If you were really wondering about that, then you’d be making the mistake of assuming that these positions were based on principle.

        We guys should be free to masturbate, sleep around, or whatever. Has anyone, ever in history, made the male equivalent of a chastity belt? (If I’m wrong and there is such a thing, please don’t show it to me, okay?)

        Santorum’s opposition to amniocentesis as well as birth control really illustrates that his positions are borne of knee-jerk reactions, not educated understanding. His stupidity about JFK’s church-state separation speech and the history of homeschooling just reinforce it.

        • i don’t think there is a male chastity belt, but there are pictures of jan brewer, and that would make any man impotent.

          i’d really love for frothy santorum to be the rethug nominee, if only to see him electorally kicked in the nuts for all the world to see. i want to smack the perpetual smirk off his face whenever i see it.

      • Oh, and I missed the setup …

        There might be a really good reason why they never think about sex for the pleasure of it. Maybe they’re just really, really bad at it …

        • it’s difficult to get pleasure from sex when you have to think about how much it’s costing you–diaper bills (for davey vitter, not for babies), tiffany balances for newtie, and all those costly fees for rent-a-boys. the only reason that john ensign could enjoy getting his dinky stinky is that his daddy footed the bill.

  16. Aspirin between the knees. Hmm. Probably worked because in order to do that, the ladies had to keep their legs closed. That is just so last century.

    • little spinny, i think foster got a little confused. i think that every time he wanted to have sex with a woman, she said that she had to take an aspirin for her sudden headache.

  17. Nothing like “dirty old man” jokes becoming national discourse. 😕

  18. oldcrow

    Welcome back, Nonnie, you were sorely missed, hope you are recovered.

    • thank you, old crow! ♥ the hand is still about the same, so i’ve decided not to stress myself or my hand out by putting out a poster a day. instead, i’ll wait until the spirit moves me and i can’t resist making a poster. i still don’t have my picture files from my old computer, so photoshopping is lot more work-intensive.

  19. Welcome back! To thank you for your return, I’ll let you in on an inside joke only people from California would know. When I first heard Friess’s name, I thought “this has to be a joke; who the hell is named after an ice cream stand?” Yes, there is a fast food chain specializing in soft serve ice cream in California called Foster’s Freeze. Even better, it used to be called Foster’s *Old Fashioned* Freeze. Here’s the link to the Wikipedia page.

    You can’t make this stuff up!