Hole-y War

Mitt Romney took time out from driving his numerous cars to try to remmber what his rock-solid convictions are when it comes to women’s rights. Good thing that his new BFF, Ron Paul who is scared shitless that his worthless son, Rand, might move home if he doesn’t stay employed, was on hand to remind Mittsie that the conservative stance is that contraception is immoral.

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Pete the Pup would have commented, but he was in a crate strapped atop one of Mittsie’s cars.

Meanwhile, Governor Bob McDonnell of Vagina…I mean, Virginia, was shocked, shocked I tell ya,  that a transvaginal probe would actually be invasive.  I don’t know where the hell other than a hoohah he thought it would go.  He could have asked Darrell Issa about it, but Issa was too busy avoiding women who might want to talk about women’s stuff.

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Newt Gingrich wasn’t available for comment, as he and his wife were too busy giving up things for Lent.

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Frothy Rick Santorum, meanwhile, appears to be picking up support among women.  Of course, there’s an explanation.

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I find it quite ironic that men who are too embarrassed to even say the names of lady parts want to tell us what we can and can’t do with them.


Filed under Darrell Issa, humor, Mitt Romney, movies, Newt Gingrich, parody, politics, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

56 responses to “Hole-y War

  1. maggiejean

    Great stuff nonnie. The popcorn tastes so good, but I’ve been eating too much. This has been quite a season for Republicans.

    • thanks maggiejean! 😀

      i’ve only watched the news sporadically for the last few weeks, and i’m always amazed at the rethugs and their stupidity. if any one of them gets elected, it will surely be a very sad day for america.

  2. stillwillin

    It’s nice to have you back Nonnie. I missed your perspective on these clowns.

    • hello stillwillin,

      welcome to the raisin! 😀

      it’s nice to be back, even if my posting is more sporadic than before. i really have to catch up on answering all the comments the raisinettes left in the last couple of posts, but it seems like i can’t stay awake as late as before.

  3. elizabeth3hersh

    Buckwheat: Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You’re scum between my toes! Love, Alfalfa.

    Same mixed message from Mitt. 🙂

  4. Great having you back today Nonnie! With so much in the news the past two months, your brain must be exploding with ideas! More importantly, I hope all is well with you.

    I just can’t stop laughing at that pic of Newt! Speaking of pics, I think you’ll like the one on mine today.

  5. Oh them republicans are rascals aren’t they.

  6. I’ve missed you and didn’t know you were back!!!!! Welcome, welcome back. And thanks Frank at A Frank Angle for alerting me!

  7. I still think they’re working on a Piss Off The Women 2012 campaign. I’ll be curious to see how any of them is going to try to attract female voters in the general election. “Vote for me and get a tasty transvaginal?” Too exciting!

    • sds, they can leave out the ‘the’ and just call it piss off women, or POW for short. i guess they’re counting on the moronic (or moranic, as they would spell it) teabaggers and fundies who will vote rethuglican no matter how much they are voting against their own interests.

      • All right, as far as I’m concerned this is POW 2012 from now on. I’m already spending most of my time with steam shooting out of my ears, might as well give it a name 🙂

  8. issa’s ayatollahs. “let’s get together a bunch of bishops for a hearing on reproductive rights. nobody else, only guys who never screw women and no women, at all.” “ok, seems fair.”

  9. John Erickson

    You know, in a way, you have to love these guys. Otherwise, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert wouldn’t have a thing to report on! 😀

  10. Isn’t it good that so many men are around to tell you ladies how to take care of your business?

    To be honest with you, the Virginia situation makes me mad as hell, and that’s coming from a pro-life angle! Some legislator said he didn’t see what the big deal was, since women had already agreed to be vaginally penetrated. It’s just so obvious that the bill has nothing to do with preventing abortions … it has to do with demeaning women.

    In other news …


    • i love the onion, but these days, it seems that real life is even more unbelievable than anything the onion can come up with.

      the disrespect being shown to women is astounding, but the thought of reviolating a rape victim is beyond any measure of callousness and meanness.

      • Well, the SOB from Virginia who said that women had already agreed to be “vaginally penetrated” when they got pregnant, so it should be no big deal really, really infuriated me.

        I suppose, if you’re that callous, you could say that my wife, for example, has agreed to be so penetrated (as evidenced by our kids). That doesn’t mean that she agreed to let everyone with the notion to put anything they want up there. This whole thing is about humiliating women and punishing them, calling them sluts, etc.. It has nothing, really, to do with preventing abortion. That’s just the cover for the misogyny. Just like “State’s rights” in the 60’s (and Ron Paul campaign) is code for racism.

  11. Fran

    O-tay Pankie. They really want to overturn Roe v Wade, er I mean provide “the gold standard” (that’s the buzzword talking point) of health care & insure there is *informed consent* going on.
    Yea right, a patient in the Doctor’s office for an abortion needs to know they are pregnant– with a fetus!
    My hope is a patient decides if some Government mandates an unnecessary $500-$1000 transvaginal ultrasound, that the government should pay for it. I’m hoping the ACLU steps up for this one.

    • i think this is not really about roe v. wade for most of the rethugs. instead, i think it’s a wink and a nod to all the bigots out there who will automatically think that abortions are something minorities get. white women and girls are virtuous and keep bayer aspirin between their legs. to some, like frothy, it’s about religion. he wants a theocracy, not a democracy.

  12. Fran

    For real counter legislation:

    State Senator Constance Johnson of Oklahoma City submitted an amendment of her own to the bill, which would have added the language,

    However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.

    • Another pro-choice legislator, Democrat Jim Wilson, attempted to add an amendment to the bill that would require the father of the child to be financially responsible for the woman’s health care, housing, transportation, and nourishment while she was pregnant. The amendment failed.

    State Sen. Janet Howell, a Fairfax County (VA) Democrat.
    She drew headlines last month when, to counter the ultrasound legislation, she offered an amendment to require men to have a rectal exam and a stress test before being prescribed erectile dysfunction medication.

    Senate Republicans rejected it.

    Sacred sperm
    Pay as you go
    Mandatoy rectal exams for the men

    Turnabout is fair play. Eh?

    • the only way they could make those bills better is by including an amendment that says members of congress must submit to the rectal exams, and no lubrication will be allowed.

  13. Snoring Dog Studio

    Lots of men making decisions for women these days. Got to love Georgia, though:
    A new bill, introduced by Democratic Representative Yasmin Neal, would limit vasectomies as a form of birth control only to men who will “die or suffer dangerous health problems” without receiving one. http://bit.ly/yLl5bS

  14. Barbara

    OMG I love what McDonnell is writing on the paper in his picture. 😆

  15. Hey, Santorum has froth on his tie!

    • hi neon vincent and inspired!! 😀 i’m so sorry that i didn’t stop by your ond on saturday night. i was soooo tired. i literally forced my eyelids to stay open long enough to post quickly on sunday talk, and then i dropped onto my bed and passed out. i did read it on sunday though.

  16. Love Newt in that pic! Haha. It looks so natural.

  17. Unemployment over 10% in many areas and regions, home sales in the toilet, foreclosures numbering in the tens-of-thousands, violent crime in many U.S. cities rising, and American innovation lagging behind China.

    So what have the Republican candidates spent the last month on?

    Contraception. This is one of the reasons the GOP field is DOA. No wonder the Republican Kingmakers — the money boys who write the big checks, report they are worried about the current field.

    I honestly expect a brokered convention this summer. Anyone could come out of the woodwork to become their nominee. Jebby Bush? Even Mama Grifter. It’s a genuine freakshow.

  18. jeb

    But it’s Obama who is taking away all our freedoms. I know this because everyone keeps saying it over and over and over so it has to be true. Quick, look over there at what Obama’s doing and would you mind spreading your legs while you’re at it?

    What is the tipping point? When does the stupidity reach it’s zenith and this party of I-can-out-conservative-you finally implode?

    Hi Nonnie.

    • Yes, allowing women access to birth control violates the religious freedom of people who won’t have sex, anyway.

      Orwell is rolling over in his grave.

      • jeb

        Most of them will have sex but they’ll lie about it. The more repressed they claim to be, the freakier they are when they’re discovered because repression is unhealthy.

        • You might have a point, there. I guess I was thinking of priests, most of whom are celibate (and therefore experts on birth control, of course).

          Actually, over on John Shore’s blog I made an observation about what makes up “fundy porn.” You know how every time someone talks about anything sexual, suddenly the fundies say you’re opening the door to (insert something weird here)?

          This is how fundies make up porn. Just like every letter to “Playboy” starts with “I never thought this would happen to me,” fundy porn starts with “If you allow gay marriage, then you’ll open the door for …”

          In the specific case, it was drunken street orgies. Santorum obviously has a thing for dogs. I think the concept really works. Remember that next time someone says that gay marriage will lead to people doing something weird. It’s that person’s fantasy, hidden behind a proclamation of self-righteousness.

    • i want a rethug to explain to me why obama insuring that a woman has access to health care is taking away her freedom, but sticking a probe up her hooha, because that’s what the law dictates, is not infringing on her freedom in the least bit. color me confoozled. 😕

  19. I want Santorum to get the Republican nomination because if he does, anybody in their right mind (and all good people everywhere) will run–not walk–to vote for President Obama in November. The lines will be clearly drawn and the smack-down can commence. (This said by a pro-life, Christian, woman.) Game on Santorum!

    P.S. Raisinettes: Take a look at a picture of Santorum’s wife. That is not the face of a happy, contented woman. Also, Google “Santorum’s wife affair.” This is a story that has yet to gather steam. I smell hypocrisy on an open fire.

    • Snoring Dog Studio

      I do, too, etomczyk. If Santorum gets the nod and starts his campaigning, then, maybe, then, the majority of people in the U.S. will be so horrified at the prospect of this bigot becoming president that they’ll come out in huge numbers and send him a huge message. I imagine there’s quite a large contingent of Rs and Independents who couldn’t stomach him.

      • My biggest fear is that Santorum will get the nod and will be losing by 99 percent and then something horrible will happen in the country and everyone will vote for “Anyone But Obama.” I am very careful what I wish for. After all, George Bush was made president (note “made” not “elected”).

      • i just hope that whichever one gets the nod (and i suspect it will be mittsie, because frothy keeps shooting himself in his self-righteous foot), that the dems really take advantage of all the footage they have from the debates. force them and all the down-ticket rethugs to defend the craziness and the disgusting statements made by conservative talking heads.

    • like my jewish grandma would always say don’t give a kenahora. remember how we thought al gore was a shoo-in? who in their right mind would ever vote for the idiot from texas? look how that turned out. yes, the supremes bent over backwards to hand the election to chimpy (that’s bush, eleanor! don’t get mad at me again! 😉 ), but the present supreme court would do exactly the same thing. we have to worry about the swing states and the electoral college. i really wish we’d get rid of the electoral college and declare a winner according to popular vote, but you know what they say about wishes and beggars and horses and all that. too many people don’t pay attention to what’s going on in politics, and too many people don’t bother to vote. i hope people don’t get complacent and figure obama is going to get reelected and just sit home on election day.

      p.s. i hadn’t heard about mrs. frothy. veddy interesting. thanks for the link. that’s on top of the fact that she herself had an abortion. apparently, frothy’s kids should not be forced into growing up without a mother (after all, who would home-school the kids while daddy runs around the country talking about how important family is?), even though that’s perfectly okay for everyone elses’ kids.

  20. I hear you, Elyse. My nerves are going to be shattered until the final outcome, any way we go, with the Repub nomination–be it Romney or Santorum because the world is so precarious in so many places. I feel as if we stand on the edge of a huge precipice–get pushed over the edge back into the 1950’s (biggest losers: women, minorities, gays and lesbians) or move on over a bridge of kindness, grace, and equality to be a true democratic society for a truly plualistic country. Good thing I’m a praying woman, because we can’t afford what the Republicans are selling.

    • I did campaign work for Obama last time around (primaries and general). Looks like I’ll be doing it again. I had hoped to sit this one out. But we all need to make sure that none of the clowns get into that oval office.