Bottled B.S.

From Slate Magazine:

When Sen. Marco Rubio took that awkward break from his State of the Union response to take a sip of water, some questioned whether it would mean the end of his political career. Instead, Rubio has shown how to capitalize on a viral sensation—even one that made him look bad—to raise some cash. The Florida senator has now raised more than $100,000 for his Reclaim America political action committee by offering a branded water bottle to anyone who donates $25 or more.

water for elephantsOriginal movie poster
(Click on image for larger version)

I have questions, kids.  For example:

Polish Spring?  What’s wrong with American Spring or, at the very least, Freedom Spring?

Is Marco Rubio a Rethuglican because he has the same ears as Dumbo?  Seriously, I wouldn’t want to stand next to him in a strong windstorm.

Does he have any other credentials other than being Cuban?

Why does Dumbo Rubio love PACs so much?  Keep reading, kids…


WASHINGTON — Addressing the nation on Tuesday night, Florida Republican Sen. Marco Rubio came with a simple message.

“More government isn’t going to create more opportunities. It’s going to limit them. And more government isn’t going to inspire new ideas, new businesses and new private sector jobs,” Rubio said. “More government isn’t going to help you get ahead. It’s going to hold you back.”

That might be true for you. But it’s not true for Marco Rubio.

For Rubio, a rising star in the Republican Party, more government did indeed create more opportunities. As the Tampa Bay Times reported during his U.S. Senate run in 2010, it’s hard to determine with Rubio where politics stops and the private begins:

As Rubio climbed the ranks, he began to use little-noticed political committees to fund his travel and other expenses and later had a Republican Party of Florida credit card.

What emerged, records show, is a pattern of blending personal and political spending. Over and over again Rubio proved sloppy, at best, in complying with disclosure requirements.

Virtually broke, the 31-year-old lawmaker began campaigning to be House speaker in 2003 and created a political committee — Floridians for Conservative Leadership — to help elect other Republican candidates and curry their support.

With his wife serving as treasurer, Rubio did not wait for the state to authorize the committee before accepting campaign donations.

The committee listed its address as Rubio’s home, a modest place he and his wife bought in West Miami in 2002, but reported spending nearly $85,000 in office and operating costs and $65,000 for administrative costs.

Over 18 months, nearly $90,000 went for political consultants, $51,000 went for credit card payments and $4,000 went to other candidates. That’s less than the $5,700 that went to his wife, Jeanette, much of it for “gas and meals.” (Mrs. Rubio does not work and the couple file joint tax returns.)


HuffPost has previously noted the extent to which the government and private sector overlap for Rubio:

  • Rubio’s law firm lobbied on behalf of an earmark sponsored by Rubio.
  • Rubio earmarked money to Florida International University and later got an unadvertised job as a part-time professor at the school. The former school president, Mitch Maidique, said Rubio was “worth every penny.”
  • Rubio inserted special language at the behest of his friend Max Alvarez to help him win a turnpike contract.
  • After appropriating millions of dollars to Miami Children’s and Jackson Memorial Hospitals, Rubio formed a lobby shop and got contracts with the hospitals.


In his speech Tuesday, Rubio spoke about the desire to defend his neighbors from Obama’s tax-and-spend policies. “Mr. President, I still live in the same working class neighborhood I grew up in. My neighbors aren’t millionaires,” he said.

Rubio recently put his house up for sale for un-working-class price $675,000. His spokesman told The Daily Caller that he hopes to use the money to buy a house in Washington.


Filed under Florida, humor, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Senate, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

25 responses to “Bottled B.S.

  1. so sorry to be gone so long, kids. we moved my dad into assisted living a couple of weeks ago, and my sister and i had a ton of cakeballs to make for valentine’s day and for a bar mitzvah.

    i missed you all, and i hope you’ll forgive me if i didn’t answer all the comments. i promise you that i read them all.

    as for dumbo rubio, i think his star will fade pretty quickly. as someone (i think it was terry from usojo) mentioned a while ago–dumbo rubio’s hairline is receding pretty quickly, and he won’t be able to rely on what some call his boyish charm in 2016.

  2. Good to see ‘ya nonnie. We missed you!!!

  3. No problem Nonnie – after all, cakeballs are a source of income! (Although I’m crushed you missed my birthday ;))

    With you being in Florida, I’m sure you have a different perspective on Rubio than the rest of the country. For me, I’m seeing his star shining at least for another 2-3 years. Then again, politics is a strange business.

  4. Friend of the court

    Rubio is a very fast talker. the wind factor must dry out his mouth. i know i wouldn’t buy a used car from him.

  5. What’s wrong with Polish Spring? 😉 Wait, scratch that…I don’t want my nationality associated with Rubio.

  6. I really need you to invent a gluten-free cakeball! Cause I’ll be there. I was in Florida for a few days and as I touched down in Tampa I gave you a shout-out. It was supposed to stretch as far as Miami to Orlando since I figure you must live somewhere inbetween. Did you hear your ears ringing?

    I’m with you on the Rubio shelf-life. I think he is much ado about nothing. He feels as if he has sold his soul. All the best with the support of your Dad. MUAH!

    • i thought i heard something! 😉

      we tried making gluten-free cakeballs, but we haven’t been able to perfect them. we made some that tasted good, but they don’t last long. they get very stale quickly, and they start to mold after a couple of days. if you’re coming back down again, eleanor, give me plenty of warning, and i’ll try to figure out a recipe that will work.

      i think that dumbo is nothing more than window-dressing, because he’s hispanic. the crazy rethugs will line up behind nasty ted cruz before they’d ever support dumbo.

      my dad is doing pretty well in his new digs. thanks, dahling. muahhhhh!!!!

  7. Fran

    Saw a great editorial cartoon– the real reason Rubio needed the water– The rhetoric is so stale & dusty. Dusty messages he is coughing up:
    Obamacare is bad
    government is the problem
    Obama only wants more taxes….

    I had no idea he is selling his humble house in the neighborhood he grew up in, asking $675K. Ohhh selective storytelling, classic GOP crapola.

    • i don’t know of any “middle-class neighborhoods” in miami where the houses are for sale for over 600K. the average is probably around 250K. so…either he’s lying about the house being in an average middle-class neighborhood, or there are rethuglican donors out there who will overpay for his property. i think his house is in a richer section of miami, and he has no feckin’ clue how the middle class is suffering, let alone the poor.

  8. Debbi

    Belated Happy New Year Wishes xo xo Debbi xo

  9. jeb

    You should know that Sen. Rubio can delve deeply into the tough issues.

  10. Fun fact: Poland Spring is based up in Poland, Maine. I used to drive by their bottling plant when I worked for a linen delivery company.

    • are people from poland, maine polish? polish maniacs? i was going to google to see where poland springs was headquartered, but i was too lazy. i should have known that one of the raisinettes would show up with an answer!

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