American Gonifs

From Rex Huppke at the Chicago Tribune:

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from President Donald Trump it’s that “chain migration” is extremely bad and dangerous and it’s allowing truly evil people into our country.

That’s why we must all come together as Americans — right now — and demand the immediate deportation of first lady Melania Trump’s potentially truly evil parents.

I know it sounds extreme, but I’m 100 percent certain it’s what President Trump would want us, as patriots, to do.

american gothic

Original painting by Grant Wood

Chain migration is a crazy immigration process that allows U.S. citizens to sponsor immediate family members for legal residency.


It’s technically called a “family reunification policy” and it has technically been a bedrock part of the country’s legal immigration system for more than 50 years, but Trump is smart enough to know that “family reunification” doesn’t sound mean or scary or vaguely racist enough, so he goes with “chain migration.”

Smart move.

Anywho, Trump has warned us over and over and over about the dangers of this policy.


He has called for “an END to the horrible Chain Migration” and railed against it even more during a bipartisan meeting with lawmakers in January: “Chain migration is bringing in many, many people with one, and often it doesn’t work out very well. Those many people are not doing us right.”


Clearly this chain migration business has to stop. Just the other night, Fox News host and avid Trump supporter Laura Ingraham lamented how “both illegal and legal immigration” are irrevocably changing America.


Well, you can imagine my shock Thursday when I read that the parents of Melania Trump became U.S. citizens during a naturalization ceremony in New York. And how did that happen? CHAIN MIGRATION!

Viktor and Amalija Knavs were sponsored by their daughter, the first lady.

A pair of Slovenians were foisted on the America we know and love.

The family’s lawyer, Michael Wildes, when asked by The New York Times if they obtained citizenship through “chain migration,” said: “I suppose.”


Back in December, a tweet from the White House Twitter account read: “This system of Chain Migration de-skills the labor force, puts downward pressure on wages, increases the deficit, and undermines national security.”

The tweet came with a graphic that said the policy “endangers national security” and “imperils the economic security of vulnerable American workers.”

If that’s all true, then Melania Trump’s parents are a clear and present danger. And they’ve got to go.


After all, what do we really know about these two Slovenians? According to news reports, the mother worked in a textile factory and the father was a traveling car salesman. And if that’s not suspicious enough, Victor Knavs was a member of the Communist Party.

If there’s one thing the America I know and love doesn’t need, it’s a dang communist. And a Slovenian communist car salesman? He’s just going to take a job away from a hardworking American communist car salesman.

I realize this may be difficult for the first lady, but as her husband has noted many times before, America has the “dumbest laws on immigration in the world.”

So there’s no way the president could allow his in-laws to use one of the immigration laws he has specifically condemned to become legal residents, right?


Filed under Fox News, humor, Immigration, Laura Ingraham, Painting, parody, politics, Republicans, satire, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs

9 responses to “American Gonifs

  1. Well, Twitler doesn’t think anyone listens to the news or reads the newspaper and therefore would not know that his in-laws came here as chain migrants or does he even care? It is a complete laugh but geez, he just wants to keep out blacks and brown people. Folks need to be white, crooked,. liars, rich or rabid T. supporters in order to remain here or to get here- by hook or crook.

  2. the rub

    one of the benefits of becoming king – your family can break all the rules and/or become pardoned. what a deal!

  3. He’s just going to take a job away from a hardworking American communist car salesman.

    Snort. Well, not if he has to sell Yugos.

    In fact, we often need immigrants to do things Americans just won’t do. Like how we brought in Melania (and Ivana) to marry Donald Trump.

    Nice touch using the Slovenian flag on Mrs. Knavs’s pin instead of the Russian flag (they’re similar but not identical).

    • You either have excellent eyesight, and incredibly clear computer monitor or an excellent optometrist, infidel. I think twice about putting small details in the posters, worrying that nobody will see them. Then I remind myself that you might come over, and you find everything! 😆

      I think Twitler and Malaria must have stiffed all the nannies (or Twitler grabbed them once too often), so they had to send for cheap immigrant help.

      • It’s the monitor one….. A few years ago when I was briefly making plenty of money, I splurged on the biggest and sharpest one I could get. Well worth it. And of course I didn’t miss Melania in the window, poor thing. Yes, I gather she’s a somewhat vacuous character, but the horror of being married to The Donald is something that shouldn’t be inflicted on anybody.

        • My greatest fear is someone with a big monitor with great resolution. My monitor is small, and i often have to do individual sections of the posters or make the image small enough so i can see the whole thing at once. I’m always afraid there is some huge mistake in the middle that I failed to see. Maybe I’ll ask for a nice big monitor for my birthday this year.

          I think Malaria deserves exactly what she got. She married a male version of herself. Selfish, narcissistic, greedy and self-absorbed. She cares about only one thing–money, just like her sugar daddy husband. She’ll be getting no sympathy from me.